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Too young?

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  • 28-11-2012 10:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    I am 20 years old and my partner is 22.
    We have been together for three years and lived together for two.
    I am nearly certain I am pregnant after a mishap, and am waiting to find out for sure when it is possible to test.

    Do you think 20 is too young?
    How would I tell my parents?
    Has anyone else been in this situation??


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    #2
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Too young is subjective. My mum had me when she was 20, but she was married, working and the pregnancy was planned. Some 20 year olds are just starting college and not in a relationship when they get pregnant. Everyone is different.

    You can test with the clearblue tests a couple of days before you are due your period. they are a bit more expensive than the others, but way more sensitive.


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    #3
    Skyflyer1234
    Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭Skyflyer1234


    I Think there is no such thing as "too young" cause if its planned and your financially doing good, than its ok if you want a child now aslong as you realise that alot of responsibility comes with it.
    Main point is that you two are going strong and both agree you will do fine and want children than you should be ok :)


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    #4
    xiwang
    Registered Users Posts: 179 ✭✭xiwang


    20 is a great age in my opinion, you are in a steady relationship after all, even if it was a mishap. It is a very recent development that women wait until they are in their late twenties or thirties to have children, your body is designed to have them earlier though and pregnancy is said to be easier the younger you are.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    xiwang wrote: »
    20 is a great age in my opinion, you are in a steady relationship after all, even if it was a mishap. It is a very recent development that women wait until they are in their late twenties or thirties to have children, your body is designed to have them earlier though and pregnancy is said to be easier the younger you are.

    Thanks for all your replies.

    Well, if it is happening, I have no problem with it personally. We have talked about having children at some point in our lives, and while we did not plan for now, we are definitely capable and we have discussed it till the cows come home what our plan is IF it were to happen.

    So, in that respect I am not worried a bit, more excited than anything. I always wanted to have kids fairly young, I just did not plan it to be this young :)

    I agree it is only these days that women wait, which I don't think IS for me, but my problem is primarily other people. It isn't that I care what they think, I just have a very judgemental mother who I know is going to make it a problem for me... Now, maybe I am jumping the gun and being unfair, but she gives me a hard time for the most part and expect a lot (despite the fact I moved out three years ago...)

    Financially, I am working but not earning a lot of money AT ALL, and my boyfriend is not working but doing ANYTHING to change that, and we have a plan a, plan b and anything else we may need to do if it does happen.

    I always dreamed about having children, I basically reared my own siblings, and worked with children from 16 till now. I know we will be good parents if it arises, but I don't want to lose family or friends over it either..... Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How do you go about telling them??

    Maybe I am overthinking as I have not tested yet, but I have every single symptom and then some - I just want to be mentally prepared in the event it does happen you know...

    Anyway thanks everyone again! I am planning on getting the clearblue one anyway, it's a bit dear, but I'd rather have a good one to be sure rather than second guessing..


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    We were both 20 when our first was born. I was with my partner 18 months when I fell pregnant.
    My biggest fear was telling my parents. I thought they'd murder me. Took me weeks to tell them and in the end I just bit the bullet and said it. They were shocked (obviously) but took it well.

    It really depends on the person and how they feel about it. We coped fine ourselves and everything just sort of fell into place. It's not the end of the world some people make it out to be.


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    #7
    Piper101
    Registered Users Posts: 450 ✭✭Piper101


    I don't think 20 is necessarily too young, its very subjective. Im 31 and sometimes feel i'm unable to look after myself let alone the baby i'm due in 4 weeks :eek:

    Are you in a solid relationship? Yes. Do you feel mature enough to love and mind a baby? If the answer to the second question is yes then what have you to lose?

    Your mum and dad might be surprised at first and it might take them a bit of time to come to terms with the whole thing but if you two of you are happy then they will be too. :)

    Remember though having a baby is not the end of your life, its the beginning and there is very little a baby will prevent you from doing in the long run.

    A little bit jealous to be honest, i'll have a 9 year old and you'll be free and clear with a 20 year old!!!:D


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    mmhyogurt wrote: »
    We were both 20 when our first was born. I was with my partner 18 months when I fell pregnant.
    My biggest fear was telling my parents. I thought they'd murder me. Took me weeks to tell them and in the end I just bit the bullet and said it. They were shocked (obviously) but took it well.

    It really depends on the person and how they feel about it. We coped fine ourselves and everything just sort of fell into place. It's not the end of the world some people make it out to be.

    Thank you so much...That really eases my mind.
    This time last week I was on the verge of tears thinking about telling people, and now I'm actually kind of excited IF it happens.

    If you don't mind me asking, what was your situation like? Were you living together? Working? etc.

    I never thought it would be the end of the world in itself, just that other peoples reactions would be.

    I am so impatient to do the test, I can't do one till at least Wednesday - that's when my period will be missed, having every symptom under the sun at the moment and almost hoping that it happens rather than it doesn't.

    OH well, we will see what happens, and I will let you all in on what the result is.

    Thanks all, you're a great help!


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    #9
    0ctober
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭0ctober


    It depends on your situation and how mature you are really. I'm 23 and had my daughter back in August when I was 22. While she wasn't planned personally I feel that we have adjusted really well to everything and I am absolutely loving motherhood. I think unless you are very young, as in in your teens, then age doesn't really come into it. There are 20 year olds out there who would make fantastic parents and there are 30 year olds out there who can't look after themselves let alone a child, and vice versa. Your financial situation is obviously important though, babies aren't cheap! :P
    Regards telling your parents, they may surprise you. I was absolutely terrified to tell mine, but they were incredible. My mam just gave me a big hug and said they would support me in whatever I wanted to do and that everything would be ok. It really wasn't the reaction I had expected! Tell them sooner rather than later if it turns out you are pregnant. You won't need the added stress of hiding it from them. Let us know how you get on with the pregnancy test x


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    #10
    beaner88
    Site Banned Posts: 154 ✭✭beaner88


    It really depends on what type of person you are. A baby would have completely destroyed my 20s and when they go so to does your youth.


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    #11
    xiwang
    Registered Users Posts: 179 ✭✭xiwang


    Did the test read positive in the end?


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    beaner88 wrote: »
    It really depends on what type of person you are. A baby would have completely destroyed my 20s and when they go so to does your youth.

    Don't worry, definitely the opposite for me. I can't see myself being much like other twenty year olds in regards to partying/college etc, my focus was always to have a family, and that was and is my mindset so if it happened I'd be more than alright.

    I had a bit of early bleeding a few days ago (due period today but nothing came) it lasted two days, and that is it so I was hopeful. However, done a test this morning and nothing... So I am a little disappointed, but as it wasn't planned anyway it is not the end of the world.

    Thanks for all your help everyone, I really appreciate it. xx


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I OP. I know how your feeling. It was this time last year that I discoverer I was pregnant. I was in college and not with the father very long... I became excited for a while at the romantic notion of being a mum.. but when I told my own parents that notion ended. They made me see the harsh realities of MY situation, and I ended up having a termination at 8 weeks. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE what this will do to you mentally. I was destroyed for a long time, and am only accepting things now. But. I am now in my final year of college, with a new boyfriend and a part-time job and things are good for me. Which wouldn't have happened had I not made my decision. I wasn't in a place financially, mentally or in a steady relationship with the father, and so I feel my child would not have had its needs met.
    So. For you, you need to consider what situation you are in.
    Your in a stable relationship with the dad so thats good :)
    are you in college or have a job? if so think around childcare options and make sure its feasible - not just "it will work out". Are you ready to devote your time to your baby?

    overall, I completely empathise with you, if you want to talk let me know and I will PM you. Good luck whatever happens!


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