Christmas Engagement Advice

vatanen

Hi All

First post but regular browser

This Christmas I will be going out with my girlfriend for 3 years and I have decided that I am going to pop the question to her. I am going to get a dress ring for the proposal and let her choose the ring afterwards

I have researched the forum and the advice to date has been excellent. My main dilemma is the actual propasal and how much to spend on a ring. I have a budget of 5,000 max to spend on an engagement ring

I cannot decided how I will propose. I have two ideas in mind

(1) Propose to her on the day we first met and spend a romantic night in Ireland as it has sentimental meaning to us both and the next day spend my 5,000 euro budget solely on the ring

or

(2) Book a short break to New York 4-5 days and propose over there by the ring in the Diamond district and use some of my 5,000 budget to fund it.


Any advice would be greatly apprecaited
Between Booking flights and accommodation you are talking about 2,500 would 2,500 euro be too cheap to spend on ring

Gatica

This is a question only you or gf can answer. Both ideas sound very romantic so you won't go wrong either way.

Merkin

It's going to cost quite a substantial chunk of change to spend five days in NYC and enjoy yourselves. Flights will be about €1,500 and for decent accommodation another €1,000 at least. Then you'll obviously want to shop, eat out in nice places and take in a show. Probably at least another €1,000. That would mean a much cheaper ring. I love travelling and go on hols at any given opportunity but I'd prefer a better diamond in this instance. I think a romantic night in Ireland is lovely and will cost you a fraction of what a trip to NYC would. Different strokes for different folks I guess but I'd prefer the ring.

deskgirl

I'd go with the break in Ireland and keep the money for the ring.

username123

If the budget is 5000 for the ring, then spend that on the ring no matter where you buy it.

A similar sum was spent on my engagement ring and I do look back now and think it was mad money, in fairness Im sure I could have found a ring for at least half that that Id love.

vatanen

username123 wrote: »

If the budget is 5000 for the ring, then spend that on the ring no matter where you buy it.

A similar sum was spent on my engagement ring and I do look back now and think it was mad money, in fairness Im sure I could have found a ring for at least half that that Id love.

I know this is probably a stupid question but what is the average amount spent on an engagement ring these days? I know ill probably get a response 'How long is a piece of String' or depends on your income but it would be great to know a rough average

What amount would a woman see as acceptable

username123

vatanen wrote: »

I know this is probably a stupid question but what is the average amount spent on an engagement ring these days? I know ill probably get a response 'How long is a piece of String' or depends on your income but it would be great to know a rough average

What amount would a woman see as acceptable

Yikes - such a hard question to answer!!! You are going to get loads of different answers.

I think a general rule of thumb is 2 months wages. But being totally super honest, as a woman, I dont even wear my engagement ring or wedding ring. I go to the gym, I do chores, I have my hands in water etc... it just gets in the way and rings take a heap of damage over time so I only wear mine going out. Thats why I said earlier about maybe I was wrong to have chosen such an expensive one.

And its not really something girls talk about either, I dont know the cost of any of my girlfriends rings.

Its really a private thing between the two of you - how you are fixed for money, what kind of lifestyles you have (if she is a very glamorous girl who likes expensive clothes and jewellery then she might want a very expensive ring), what the expectations are.

I think its really lovely that you have such a high budget in these times of economic stress. Talk to her about it after you pop the question.

stargazer 68

To be brutally honest if someone gave me a ring worth 5000 I would be afraid to wear it!

deskgirl

Dovies wrote: »

To be brutally honest if someone gave me a ring worth 5000 I would be afraid to wear it!

that's what insurance is for!

evilmonkee

vatanen wrote: »

What amount would a woman see as acceptable

This depends on the woman.

lazygal

I have a couple of expensive pieces of jewellery, I'm not afraid to wear any of them. They're probably safer on me than at home in my wardrobe. I don't get how anyone would be afraid to wear a 5k ring, going on what we found during ring shopping its an average enough price. Mine didn't cost as much as that-but I got a wedding band to match so in combination its a fair whack on my finger. I've also an eternity ring and a few other fine jewellery pieces and I've not been accosted for them yet.

I would rather keep the money for the ring. New York is a fun place to go, probably one of my favourite cities, but its not going anywhere. An engagement ring is a one-off purchase, so I'd keep the money for it and plan a nice engagement here.

tallyv

defo the break in ireland and she will be delighted to get a ring worth 5k, good luck!!

Sand Wedge

Hi,

I did the New York proposal. One thing that you have to consider is the cost of rings in Ireland. In general a €3,000 ring bought in Diamond District in New York will be of equal or better quality than a ring that will cost you €5,000 in an Irish Jewellers. (That is unless you go to somewhere like Voltaire Diamonds in Dublin to get the ring, where they do give you good value)

It is a big decision. You should do your reserach on diamonds and on the 4 C's before making your decision of whether to buy in Ireland or NYC.Also ensure that you get a Certified ring. GIA is meant to be the best standard for Certification. Go into a few Jewellers and get quotes for rings here based on the 4C's and GIA Certified then contact some of the Jewellers in the Diamond District in NYC to see how much an equivalent ring will cost there with same 4 C's characteristics and GIA Certification.

To throw a spanner in the mix, I know a few people who went to Antwerp to get there rings. It will be cheaper than going to NYC and you should get good value there too if you do your research beforehand.

Good Luck with your enagement no matter how you decide to do it.

Sand Wedge

pwurple

5000 is plenty for a ring. Mine cost less than that, but was revalued for about that recently. I think diamond/precious metal prices have risen considerably in the last few years? My husband got it on Blue Nile. Great fun looking at that website.

Can I add be VERY bloody careful about where you buy your ring. Large reputable places only. My brother got stung last year buying a ring in a local jeweller. The diamond was GIA certified, but when he went to get it insured and valued, the valuer told him he had been given a diamond and a certificate which did not match. The diamond was worth less than a third of what he paid. He went back to the shop, but they said they were about to go bust and couldn't refund him what he had paid them 3 days earlier. Solicitor said it was out of the range of the small claims court, so it would cost him thousands in legal representation to go to the higher court, and if they went bust he still would get nothing back. So he has been left high and dry, with a ring they now can't stand to look at, and out a lot of money.

I wouldn't buy a ring anywhere that you're not sure of their reputation.

username123

pwurple wrote: »

I wouldn't buy a ring anywhere that you're not sure of their reputation.

+1 to this.

We were fully aware that we were paying over the odds, but you are paying for the ring itself plus the comfort of knowing that you will be dealt with for life on it. Ive had the engagement ring back to have the setting tightened, then altered, free of charge, Ive also sent it in once a year to have it cleaned along with the engagement and eternity ring - all free of charge.

Any problems and I am confident we would not be out of pocket.

I have heard of a number of people who have had a mismatch on ring and cert while trying to get a bargain, the worst was someone who spent 10k, yes, 10k on a ring in New York and upon having it valued for insurance here was informed the setting hid a huge flaw and the diamond was worth less than 500 euro.

Sand Wedge

Hence, as I have said. Make sure you do your own research when buying a diamond ring.

lazygal

username123 wrote: »

+1 to this.

We were fully aware that we were paying over the odds, but you are paying for the ring itself plus the comfort of knowing that you will be dealt with for life on it. Ive had the engagement ring back to have the setting tightened, then altered, free of charge, Ive also sent it in once a year to have it cleaned along with the engagement and eternity ring - all free of charge.

Any problems and I am confident we would not be out of pocket.

I have heard of a number of people who have had a mismatch on ring and cert while trying to get a bargain, the worst was someone who spent 10k, yes, 10k on a ring in New York and upon having it valued for insurance here was informed the setting hid a huge flaw and the diamond was worth less than 500 euro.

There's also cases of US diamonds being 'filled' to make them appear more perfect than the actually are. In a case I heard of (friend of mine is a jeweller) when the ring was resized the stone broke apart due to being 'filled'. She says its quite common and the US market is not as reliable as Europe.

pwurple

Sand Wedge wrote: »

Hence, as I have said. Make sure you do your own research when buying a diamond ring.

Sand Wedge, that's fair enough... but you're never going to be an expert from a small bit of reading.

My brother was clued in about the 4 C's and even went in 3 or 4 times to the shop, each time inbetween doing more research.

What he didn't have was an ability to see something in the diamond not visible to the naked eye. Or an ability to weigh a diamond once it is in the setting, or even know that the scales was calibrated correctly, or any way of judging cut for himself, or unless he stood over them while they put it back into the setting, that the diamond in the ring, was the same diamond they chose.

You are taking a lot on trust with diamonds.

Sand Wedge

Diamonds have a code imprinted on them. You can match this up to the code on the certificate. You have to ask to get them to show you it as you need a magnifying glass.

saram

As others have mentioned- there is no amount of money that fits all couples/ situations etc..
Only u can judge that!

What I'd like to add is that--- yes of course the engagement ring is very important and don't by any means go looking for an overly cheap one but keep in mind you've got to be practical!

The wedding ring that you and your partner will be getting later on will probably need to be a more expensive ring ( rings).
Also, don't forget there will be wedding costs as well as planning to build for life after all that.. The point is spend and plan within your means knowing that there will be a lot more expenses than an engagement ring down the road..


5000 euro-- more than enough to have a nice holiday in some great relaxing part of Ireland and to pick yourself up a lovely looking ring too and also have some left over for later!! That's what I would say..
I think your partner may also appreciate the forward thinking angle!

username123

Sand Wedge wrote: »

Diamonds have a code imprinted on them. You can match this up to the code on the certificate. You have to ask to get them to show you it as you need a magnifying glass.

Unless things have changed drastically in the past 3 years, this is untrue. It is possible to have it done, but the diamond must be re-certified afterwards and it costs more money. Its not done as standard.

AthenaA

As a girl I really don't think it's necessary to spend two whole months salary on an engagement ring. I'd be perfectly able to find a beautiful ring for a 1000 euro or so. Don't forget you still have the wedding and whatever else is in the future (house, children etc.). Seems silly to spend all that hard earned money just to get that bigger diamond. But that's just me, I've always had the future in mind when spending money. It's just so much money.
So 5000 euro to me seems insane, although my boyfriend's friend spent a whopping 7000 on an engagement ring. I'd say go with whatever feels right, the main thing to me is that the moment is romantic, special, unforgettable. The ring is just a great bonus. Where you do it and what you say is more important I think, needs to mean something.

Sand Wedge

username123 wrote: »

Unless things have changed drastically in the past 3 years, this is untrue. It is possible to have it done, but the diamond must be re-certified afterwards and it costs more money. Its not done as standard.

I may be wrong and open to correction but I thought that all GIA Certified Diamonds have the Cert number imprinted on them.

username123

Sand Wedge wrote: »

I may be wrong and open to correction but I thought that all GIA Certified Diamonds have the Cert number imprinted on them.

As I said, perhaps things have changed in the past few years but it certainly was not my experience in the past. Its a great idea though.

We got my engagement ring in Dublin. Totally overpriced I'm sure. Got the wedding rings up North, there was far better value there.
Last year my OH's cousin, who works in jewellery wholesale in New York, got an eternity ring made for me there. It cost €2,500 and when I had it valued to add to my house insurance it was valued at €7,000.
Clearly we got an excellent ring in New York for less than half the price.

Momento Mori

Best of luck with the proposal.

Personally I think spending that amount of money is ridiculous.

lazygal

Momento Mori wrote: »

Best of luck with the proposal.

Personally I think spending that amount of money is ridiculous.

Yeah, I'd say the same about spending money on travelling the world for a year or buying a Ferrari. But i'm not into either of those things so I don't feel the need to question why others want to spend money on them. Like anything in life, if you don't think its worth it, don't spend the money. But don't try to make out that those who do want to spend money on an engagement ring are being ridiculous.

CaraMay

Momento Mori wrote: »

Personally I think spending that amount of money is ridiculous.

Why would you bother posting to say that - he is a grown adult and has made up his own mind...

OP have you considered whisking her to Dubai for a few days??? It would be cheaper than NYC and the value on diamonds is fab. I got mine in Cara in Dubai and they also have a store in Galway so if anything goes wrong you have a locate contact. You can email to get a quote for a ring your gf would like and then pick it up in Galway....

Congrats

username123

You could also consider getting a ring made, you would get a beautiful ring made on your budget.

BamBam92

Break in Ireland! It is more romantic if you ask me (since you remember where ye first met! ) go to new york another time maybe?
Best of luck!

BlueIsland

gonna hijack thread. dont wanna open up new thread with exact same details. gonna propose myself after four years. I know for a fact she would HATE me to do it in front of anyone else. and she hates cringe. we are six months in our own house so gonna do it on xmas morning in our own sitting room where she completly comfortable. I have booked flights and hotels in antwerp in March to get a ring. Have about 3 grand or so for ring but will see what she likes.

Gonna possibly sneak down in middle of night and do up our sitting roon like a tiny little french resturant with candles,champagne glasses, antique table, chairs etc...buy a minature eiffel tower for the craic...bring her down blindfolded thinking she gonna get her xmas present and then propose.

Now what im stressing over is token ring. I have been warned about buying her jewellery. I was thinking maybe a replica of her favourite ring with our names and the date inscribed on it? what people think?

hope op doesnt mind me getting in on his thread.

Gatica

that's a lovely idea. Do it if it's not too expensive, however, I think just a token ring of piece of jewellery is enough. Inscription is a bonus though.
I got a necklace as part of proposal, he then got me matching earrings and bracelet for the wedding. Wonderful gift that tied it all together.

Also, because we were afraid of losing our rings on honeymoon we got silver ones for travel. Maybe get her a silver ring with a little stone?

BlueIsland

Gatica wrote: »

that's a lovely idea. Do it if it's not too expensive, however, I think just a token ring of piece of jewellery is enough. Inscription is a bonus though.
I got a necklace as part of proposal, he then got me matching earrings and bracelet for the wedding. Wonderful gift that tied it all together.

Also, because we were afraid of losing our rings on honeymoon we got silver ones for travel. Maybe get her a silver ring with a little stone?

I've roped her sis in to help pick but it's just she is so fussy with jewellery I'm prepared to fail at it nearly! Think a silver ring with a little fake diamond maybe! It's actually the only part of this stressing me

eml

HI,
you could get simple get your finger print in a plain ring...
nothing drastic but very effective!

Wonderful idea and pre-congrats on it!