whatsgoingon

LegacyUser

I seem to have an ongoing issue with some people...I want it to change...

Here are just some of the examples:

At work there are 3 people that have been getting to me recently... it wasn't a case of a once off, their actions have been contining so I felt I had to say something as I was cracking up inside...

"Go easy with the slurping noises you're making when drinking your tea..."

"Can you please stop calling me 'darling'......"

"Can you please stop staring at me....."


I'm probably going to be critisized here for this, but please note I'm aware I'm wrong. Like the saying goes..'Before you judge anyone,ask yourself are you perfect'

I'm not perfect at all, but if someone's habits get to me overtime, I say something, yet feel like crap after with guilt.....

Any suggestions?

Merkin

It's all in the delivery tbh. If you're being overtly nasty when pulling someone up on habits that you find irritating then you are going to come across as a knob. What exactly is your issue? How to be nicer to people in how you address them or how to stop nit-picking in the first place?

IrishEyes19

Except for the staring issue, the others seem to be habits that people have picked up over time and aren't aware of the fact that its annoying you.

I think you're over all demenour seems really hostile and that there is a nice way to do everything, going all aggressive on it, will come across badly for you and embarassing for the person in question. If it's driving you crazy, either remove yourself from their company if possible or approach them in a kinder way.

daisybelle2008

challengesinlife wrote: »

I seem to have an ongoing issue with some people...I want it to change..

it wasn't a case of a once off, their actions have been contining so I felt I had to say something as I was cracking up inside...

"Go easy with the slurping noises you're making when drinking your tea..."

"Can you please stop calling me 'darling'......"

"Can you please stop staring at me....."

I'm not perfect at all, but if someone's habits get to me overtime, I say something, yet feel like crap after with guilt.....

Any suggestions?

The problem is you OP not other people. Everything you have listed there is innocuous day-to-day human behaviour, the fact it is irritating you to the point of confrontation is going to make your very existence contentious and unhappy.
You must try to find a way to knock this on the head OP or your life is going to be an irritation, anxiety and guilt cycle.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your comments.

I agree with you all!

I want to change. How is the question?

Merkin

I think a good rule of thumb generally is considering how YOU would feel if you were spoken to like that or treated with disdain by a colleague. Wouldn't you be horrified if you were enjoying a cup of tea and some wagon told you to stop making noise in a hostile fashion? You'd be embarrassed and hurt. Think about the impact your actions have on other people and how rude you must seem.

You also need to consider that you have an internal voice and an external voice and learn to differentiate the two. Some colleagues in the past have driven me demented so you just avoid them/move desks/learn to put up with it.

Neyite

OP when you spend 40 hours a week in a room with people its easy to get irked at their quirks and differences from you. A lot of it you should let slide - otherwise you appear intolerant and it contributes to a bad atmosphere. You may have quirks that drive your colleagues nuts too - how would you like them to bring it up with you? Would you be happy if they called you on it in front of everyone or were as blunt as you?

Have you tried using gentle humour to get your point across - not slagging or taking the piss, but sometimes saying it as if you are amused takes the sting out of it and may be more professional.

Firstly, I'd say try to let it go as much as possible, but if you absolutely have to say something, try to be a bit more subtle. It seems you are letting it irritate you until you blurt it out so you need to address it before you get to that stage so you dont say something that you regret.

Instead of "stop staring at me" maybe ask if you have ink on your face and when they say no, just "oh, I thought you were looking at me" or "you remind me of my nana every time you call me Darling - she always calls me that"

I had a senior colleague who would talk to herself all the time. Annoyed me because it was the same tone of voice she used when actually telling me stuff, so I felt my concentration was always getting interuppted. So I started asking her to repeat it - Sorry, didnt catch that? Oh, did you say something to me? Sorry, I was in a world of my own there can you repeat it? By doing it so often she herself became aware that she was muttering to herself and improved.

daisybelle2008

challengesinlife wrote: »

Thanks for your comments.

I agree with you all!

I want to change. How is the question?

Ok you need to consciously stop making negative judgements about other peoples behaviour. In all three cases you can look at those behaviours differently: For example instead of getting irritated about someone calling you darling, see it as a compliment that they feel familiar enough to do that. Someone staring at you, assume they like looking at your face. Slurping tea can be a little funny and a sign they are enjoying their tea. Put on some rose tinted glasses, you only bruise and irritate yourself with all your negative judgements.

Remember you will run out off hours on this earth before you run out of people to get on your nerves. It is up to you how pleasant you make this earth. Cut yourself and other people some slack, everyone is doing their best.

This might be a strange suggestion but I would limit your t.v/movies or reading material to only light hearted comedy for a while. I have found that people who watch and read a lot of news and or violent games/thrillers can have a negative view of the world and people. The news is generally bad and can colour your attitude in a negative way where you start feeling the world is a lot sh*tter than has to be.

zarazoe

OP I completely understand where you are coming from. I work in an office where I sit in close proximity to a lot of annoying habits. My previous "neighbour" had intimate moments with a bag of hunky dorys every day at 1pm and to be honest im surprised im not in prison right now!!! But, you can never ever say anything. Its just one of those things. Just get up and get a cup of tea when they are eating. Or staring. But in a work environment, you just can never ever say anything. I hate to be blunt, and I really do not want to sound patronising but you just cant. You have to train yourself to not let it annoy you or get up and walk away when it is.