Is it me

LegacyUser

I’ve come out of a long term relationship in the past few months and am slowly getting back into the dating the scene. The issue I am having is that I seem to keep attracting men that are already in relationships.

I can’t see any common theme on the guys side so I am wondering if there is something I am doing, how I look or act that might draw on these types of people. One was an old boyfriend from when I was a teenager that got in touch not long after the break-up, turned out he had been in a long term relationship and living with someone for the past 5 years. Another was someone I met when organising a function a few months back, we’d kept in touch a bit and he asked me out recently.

I was out this weekend and met someone, spend the night chatting, asked for my number and text me next morn to say he’d love to see me again. Then in my local supermarket yesterday evening I turned around to find him in the queue with a woman and two children, they were quite clearly together and he pretended not to see/know me so I followed suit.

I would say I am attractive and I like to dress sexily but not slutty if that makes sense. I am also a bit of a flirt but I do that with everyone, even females. I have been talking to a male friend about this and he thinks that I might come across as fun loving and a bit of a party animal and maybe these people are just looking for fun. It really couldn’t be further from the truth though, I work full-time, go to college part-time and have a young daughter so I only get out one or two nights a month most of the time.

I would like to meet someone, I’m not desperate or anything but I’m afraid I’m just going to keep meeting the wrong people. I am a 30 year old single mother and feel like all the good men are taken and I’m doomed to a life of singledom.

P. Breathnach

My guess is that you have just had a small run of bad luck.

Your target market, if I may put it so bluntly, is probably the 30-somethings. A high proportion in that age group are already in relationships. Human nature being what it is, some of those in relationships are up for a bit of extra-curricular fun. You need a more active screening system than somebody ten years younger might need.

mood

And a lot of not so good man are taken! these guy were trying to cheat on there partners with you and that is hardly the sign of a good man. I think it's just bad luck but maybe flirt less or something.

LegacyUser

Don't worry OP, I don't believe it is you. I think cheating is far more common than it's talked about sadly. I was asking myself a similar question this morning about if I'm doing something wrong as I have been pursued by men who are already taken more times than I'd like to admit. *I've never reciprocated and never would if I know they have a gf or wife by the way*. But I understand it gets you down, just this weekend I met a man, had a great time with him although it was short lived and then found out from his brother that it was the guy's stag do and I was one last fling before the big day. It's a really cruel thing to do, to his poor fiance and to a lesser extent, me.
This is just one example but it happens a lot where men will come onto me when they are not single. It's been a while since I've had a nice, single man with no recent break up/baggage ask me out and I wonder too if it's my fault but my friends say it isn't and that it's just been a coincidence. I am very smiley and look like good fun too so maybe men who are in unhappy relationships are attracted to that. It's nothing to do with your age btw, I am 23 and feel exactly what you're feeling.

I hope our luck changes and that other women propositioned by these men don't reciprocate wither. My heart would break in two if I thought my guy was carrying on like this. Good luck with the dating, I hope you find someone great.

Gauss

same issue wrote: »

Don't worry OP, I don't believe it is you. I think cheating is far more common than it's talked about sadly. I was asking myself a similar question this morning about if I'm doing something wrong as I have been pursued by men who are already taken more times than I'd like to admit. *I've never reciprocated and never would if I know they have a gf or wife by the way*. But I understand it gets you down, just this weekend I met a man, had a great time with him although it was short lived and then found out from his brother that it was the guy's stag do and I was one last fling before the big day. It's a really cruel thing to do, to his poor fiance and to a lesser extent, me.
This is just one example but it happens a lot where men will come onto me when they are not single. It's been a while since I've had a nice, single man with no recent break up/baggage ask me out and I wonder too if it's my fault but my friends say it isn't and that it's just been a coincidence. I am very smiley and look like good fun too so maybe men who are in unhappy relationships are attracted to that. It's nothing to do with your age btw, I am 23 and feel exactly what you're feeling.

I hope our luck changes and that other women propositioned by these men don't reciprocate wither. My heart would break in two if I thought my guy was carrying on like this. Good luck with the dating, I hope you find someone great.

I don't think whether the relationship is "happy" makes much difference. These guys want new women to have sex with. The only thing their OH probably did wrong was only having one vagina. I think that's the unfortunate reality.

OP maybe you should approach men more if you aren't already, then your screening process might help.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

To be honest i don't have a problem with approaching people, I would chat away to anyone really and I'd be fine with asking for someones number if I clicked with someone. But then I wouldn't exactly say I am on the look out either. I mean I would like to meet someone but I've never gone for the whole hunting for a man thing that some people are into, I think it just happens when it happens.

It just so happens that the people that have pursued me so far have been in relationships. I don't know its just kind of makes you lose faith in people a little bit. I like to think that people are mostly good and I was really disappointed in the old boyfriend of mine because I always thought of him as a really nice person.