Help with my brother.

FairytaleGirl

Hi all,
This will likely be a long post so thanks im advance for reading!
Background info is that my dad although never had a drink problem, he used to be aggressive and scary when he was drinking, he would fight with my mum, accuse her of affairs etc I seen it all being the oldest of 4, whereas the rest of them would be asleep. Mum eventually left him 6 years ago and both parents are now remarried.

My brother is 20 now and I see him displaying the same behaviour as my dad when he's drunk. In the last week alone my mum has had to get out of her bed at all hours to get him and calm him down as he was going mad at his girlfriend for flirting (this is how it always kicks off when her drunk,they fight)

He was punching ma's car, wanted to kill his gf dad, he has wrecked the house, and my mum is pure terrified of him when he is so drunk. My sister who is 16 is about ten steps from a nervous breakdown, she is terrified he will end up killing himself as sometimes he cries etc about his girlfriend and sits up with him all night to make sure hes ok when he comes in drunk. He is remorse filled while hangover but it soon wears off and off he goes again.

Last night i got a phonecall at 3am from my mum to drive her to redcastle from Derry. He had gone down overnight with his gf to stay in the hotel, they had went out drinking and it all kicked off, if nearly got into a fight with a group of 10 fellas down there but she managed to get him back to the hotel where he lost the plot, starting punching walls them left to walk home - yes to Derry. Employees had to go looking for him while ma had to ring the guards. They got him back them and the guards didn't come out. I wish they had have though, maybe waking up im a cell would shock him into sorting himself out. he knows drinking leaves him like this but he chooses to keep drinking.

my dad has told him we can't handle drinking in our family but won't do much else as him and my mum don't talk.

My mum is nearly 50 and my sister and 13year old brother are being destroyed over it, we dont know what to do with him. He just blames his girlfriend and her behaviour, which is a load of ****, there is no excuse. I mean its not like he ever seen my dad act like that as he was im bed but he is so like him.

my whole family is at their wits end.

Any advice?

xzanti

Sorry to hear that

All I can say really is that if your Brother knows that his drinking causes him and the people around him so much grief, yet continues to drink anyway, then it sounds like he does have a drinking problem.

Maybe some sort of carefully timed intervention would help bring it home to him.. sort of like what they do in America..

PS. I can see why you posted here but maybe your thread would get more views and more info in the likes of Personal Issues where there's a lot more traffic..

Best of luck.

supackofidiots

Your brother needs help.

It's the same with any vice or addiction, they are full of remorse at first but quickly fall back into old habits when the shame wears off.

It's hard at that young age to have foresight however, especially when it's the ''done'' thing to do to go out and get sloshed every weekend.

Maybe you yourself could have a quiet word...something like ''I hope you're happy with yourself, Mam is going out of her mind with worry over the way you've been carrying on, would you ever cop on and realise the hurt you are causing this family. Didn't you see the hassle Dad caused her over the years and now you're even worse than he was. You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself.''

hubba

My heart really goes out to you Fairytalegirl. Your brother needs help. Sounds like he has a hard time dealing with his feelings and it all comes out when he's drinking and unfortunately you guys share your lives with him so end up suffering too.

I don't think there is any quick fix. He needs to somehow come to the conclusion (himself) that drinking just doesn't suit him and is ruining his relationships with those he loves.

Having been around alcoholics a lot over the years, from my experience it's really hard for them to admit they have a problem and often can take years for it to sink in, if at all. By then, loved ones have often moved on and left them to their own devices.

Maybe hold a family meeting - show him a united front and maybe confronted with all of you together it might have a significant impact? Show him you care but that you aren't willing to tolerate his constant disruptive and upsetting behaviour in the family home?

Madam

Fairytalegirl, are you sure your brother is not suffering from depression(the crying etc seems to fit the bill)?

Ando's Saggy Bottom

Time for some straight talking and honesty. Tell him what youve said here. Tell him he is in denial. Tell him if he keeps doing this over and over he'll lose everything.

FairytaleGirl

Well, a huge family intervention has been staged, and he has gone of drink for a while and ended his relationship as it exacerbated his situation.

He has been crying on and off saying sorry, i think he was shocked at the level of involvement from my parents as they haven't done anything together since they split, and it brought home the seriousness of the situation.

Here's hoping he wises up.

Sunnyisland

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This website might help you and your family dealing with your brother.hope it helps.