Trust

LegacyUser

I could really do with some advice here. I’ve been with my bf for just over 5 months now. When we first started seeing each other he lied (or at least was not completely honest) about some things. I don’t want to say what but they were related to his family situation. When I questioned him on it he admitted it and was sorry for lying. I agreed to move on from it. About 2 weeks ago I found out that he omitted to tell me something else, which had happened recently, again due to the same reason as before. I was really hurt and upset but I do understand his reasons. However, as I have told him, he should just have been honest with me. I again agreed to move on from it but I have told him that I won’t be able to do that again. He has agreed to be completely honest with me. However I now feel that I can’t trust him at all. Everything he tells me I’m wondering if it’s true. I know I’m being irrational but at the moment I really can’t help it. I’m just wondering if anyone has been through something similar or has any tips on how I can start to trust him again. Or is this relationship just doomed?

Jimmy Rabbitte Snr

It's very hard to make a call on this without knowing what it is he lied about, or what he omitted. There are many thing I wouldn't feel the need or want to share in a relationship so new. Can he be justified really in keeping these things secret or lying about it? Only you know really! Did he lie outright or just omit details about something?

dr gonzo

As Jimmy says, its too hard to say without context. Was the information about family stuff directly related to you? Or is he maybe not telling you about stuff that he might be perfectly entitled to keep to himself?

Again, as Jimmy says, It is entirely up to you to decide whether this is information that you should have been receiving in the first place or not.

daisybelle2008

trustagain wrote: »

I now feel that I can’t trust him at all?

To me that's enough of a reason to end it, you are only 5 months in, if your gut instinct is telling you he can't be trusted don't ignore it. Why waste your time with someone you don't trust?

Squ

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

To me that's enough of a reason to end it, you are only 5 months in, if your gut instinct is telling you he can't be trusted don't ignore it. Why waste your time with someone you don't trust?

Thats exactly what i was going to post, until i read it..

The op knows she cant trust him, but chose to look the other way twice, but not thrice.

I don't think theres anything we can say that the op doesn't already know for herself..


But then without specifics, it could be that after only going out for five months, he deemed his family issue none of her business, so "omitted" it.

I'm still finding out stuff about my wifes family, and we're together 10yrs.

daisybelle2008

Squ wrote: »

Thats exactly what i was going to post, until i read it..

The op knows she cant trust him, but chose to look the other way twice, but not thrice.

I don't think theres anything we can say that the op doesn't already know for herself..


But then without specifics, it could be that after only going out for five months, he deemed his family issue none of her business, so "omitted" it.

I'm still finding out stuff about my wifes family, and we're together 10yrs.

We have an incredibly reliable gut instinct, if you need 'tips' on how to force yourself to trust someone, you are very actively ignoring it. I wouldn't be bothered with the specifics to be honest. If I felt I couldn't trust the person (and they had repeatedly lied!) I wouldn't gamble against my intuition, that's what it is there for.

Lorna123

trustagain wrote: »

I could really do with some advice here. I’ve been with my bf for just over 5 months now. When we first started seeing each other he lied (or at least was not completely honest) about some things. I don’t want to say what but they were related to his family situation. When I questioned him on it he admitted it and was sorry for lying. I agreed to move on from it. About 2 weeks ago I found out that he omitted to tell me something else, which had happened recently, again due to the same reason as before. I was really hurt and upset but I do understand his reasons. However, as I have told him, he should just have been honest with me. I again agreed to move on from it but I have told him that I won’t be able to do that again. He has agreed to be completely honest with me. However I now feel that I can’t trust him at all. Everything he tells me I’m wondering if it’s true. I know I’m being irrational but at the moment I really can’t help it. I’m just wondering if anyone has been through something similar or has any tips on how I can start to trust him again. Or is this relationship just doomed?

I think he is entitled to keep family business to himself at this stage. He doesn't have to tell you everything about his family, especially if it shows him up in a bad light. You don't have to know everything about him either. It would appear that he is telling a few white lies just to keep his business to himself. It all depends really on what the lies are.