Holding secrets

LegacyUser

Wanted to go unreg for this. I have been crossdressing since before my teens. It can be very difficult keeping a secret. I would love to have some female friends to talk to about this but how can you just come out and say hey btw I am a transvestite! It is the same with relationships. Just feel a bit down about it at times. Who can I talk to?

tony81

I'm not sure you feel the need to cross-dress or why you feel a need to let people (particularly women) in on your secret.
Maybe some therapy or counselling would help.
edit: just to add, why do you feel the need to tell people you're a transvestite if it's something you do behind closed doors? Is it a sense of shame? or are you looking for approval? Are you hoping it will give you the courage to cross-dress in public? You've already labelled yourself a transvestite, what exactly are you looking for now?

LegacyUser

tony81 wrote: »

I'm not sure you feel the need to cross-dress or why you feel a need to let people (particularly women) in on your secret.
Maybe some therapy or counselling would help.

I am not sure why I feel the need to crossdress myself. But that isn't the issue. Nor do I feel the need to tell someone but rather I, at times, have a want to tell someone. For example I believe that in a relationship people should trust each other and not keep large secrets from each other. The reason I would like, again not need to, have a few female friends to talk about it, is that they too may have an interest in clothes etc and be a bit more understanding. But, thanks for the reply.

LegacyUser

tony81 wrote: »

I'm not sure you feel the need to cross-dress or why you feel a need to let people (particularly women) in on your secret.
Maybe some therapy or counselling would help.
edit: just to add, why do you feel the need to tell people you're a transvestite if it's something you do behind closed doors? Is it a sense of shame? or are you looking for approval? Are you hoping it will give you the courage to cross-dress in public? You've already labelled yourself a transvestite, what exactly are you looking for now?

Apologies your edit wasn't up when I replied. An just wanted to clarify I don't feel the need to tell everyone. I may have felt shame before but not now and no, it isn't something I feel that I have to do in public. I suppose I just wanted to share and thanks for taking the time to reply.

Esoteric_

Unlike the other poster, I can understand the need to tell someone close to you about it, especially if you're in a relationship. It's obviously something that you feel you need some support with, or maybe even female advice on outfits or something. At least, that's what an old friend who does some cross dressing told me when he 'came out' to me.

Have you got any close friends, either male or female? I don't think you need to tell lots of people about this, but finding even one close friend you could tell might help. Really, you just have to bite the bullet and tell them. At the end of the day, if they don't support you, there's little you can do, but at least you'll have tried.

With relationships, I do think it's important to tell your partner about this side of you. If you end up living with somebody, it's not something you'll really be able to hide.

At the end of the day, OP, once you're comfortable in your sexuality and any quirks you may have, other peoples' acceptance shouldn't matter too much. If you want to tell someone, find your closest friend and just be upfront about it. You may be pleasantly surprised by their reaction, but if you're not, don't get downhearted. Everyone has their own quirks and personal tastes and you're no different.

LegacyUser

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Unlike the other poster, I can understand the need to tell someone close to you about it, especially if you're in a relationship. It's obviously something that you feel you need some support with, or maybe even female advice on outfits or something. At least, that's what an old friend who does some cross dressing told me when he 'came out' to me.

Have you got any close friends, either male or female? I don't think you need to tell lots of people about this, but finding even one close friend you could tell might help. Really, you just have to bite the bullet and tell them. At the end of the day, if they don't support you, there's little you can do, but at least you'll have tried.

With relationships, I do think it's important to tell your partner about this side of you. If you end up living with somebody, it's not something you'll really be able to hide.

At the end of the day, OP, once you're comfortable in your sexuality and any quirks you may have, other peoples' acceptance shouldn't matter too much. If you want to tell someone, find your closest friend and just be upfront about it. You may be pleasantly surprised by their reaction, but if you're not, don't get downhearted. Everyone has their own quirks and personal tastes and you're no different.

Thanks Lynda, yeah telling a female friend rather than a male one is to do with help with dressing etc and as you said I do need to bite the bullet. I have one female friend I am close with and I have came close to telling her so, I think that in the new year I will sit down with her.

edellc

http://www.teni.ie/page.aspx?contentid=584


maybe you can find support with the link above.

OP this is something that is quite controversial lets be honest here, if your going to be in a relationship with a women you need to be upfront and honest about this its something that a lot of people have trouble understanding and a lot of women would not like to end up in a relationship with someone who does this...this may not be something you want to hear but its the way it is....its one thing accepting that a friend does this its another thing to accept your partner does

As for your friends you need to ask yourself what you will achieve by telling them, how would you feel if they rejected you would it do more harm than good, if you are going to disclose this then you need to be sure that you can trust the person who you are going to tell or are you just at a stage where you want to shout it from the roof top and if so you better have thick skin

I think you you need to connect with others who are like what you like that way you have less chance of ridicule and more of a chance to be who you want to be in a safe environment.

YumCha

I think your best bet would be to check out some of the kink/fetish community sites (not sure if I can name them here) - the one I have in mind has online discussions and regular events where you can meet and talk to like-minded people.

It's probably the best way to get advice from people who have been in the same situation as you - everyone is different in that some people are really open about it with family and friends, and some people keep it absolutely separate from their 'vanilla' life. For most newbies though, it's often an absolute relief to find people they can finally talk openly with about whatever their individual kink is

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Hi

I'm not sure I can add much but just a few things that came to my mind...

There's nothing wrong with cross-dressing. If it's something you enjoy doing, go for it. If it leads to different perceptions of sexuality - eg willing to try a same-sex experience - go for it. Or not. But all the above are fine. There's nothing wrong at all with it! It is not talked about at all, and that is why it may come across as odd, but it's fine.

Maybe you could join some groups on the internet first, instead of telling "real life" friends? Maybe you will feel more confident and confortable about it talking to other people that enjoy it too. And then it will be more natural and comfy to bring it up to your friends, if you still feel the need to do so.

If you are in a relationship etc... well... I suppose it depends on the other person. I once had a fling with a really cute guy and once in his apartment to spend the night, he brought a few pieces of woman clothes and asked if I minded if he tried them on. I thought it was a bit unusual but quite interesting, and was not put off about it, on the contrary. No biggie really. But you might want to approach the subject first in an indirect way and see how your partner feels about it.

Enjoy yourself and have a good time. All the best