Do men usually compliment a woman on matters of appearance?

Freiheit

Hi I'm just wondering is it usual in a relationship to expect a guy to take an interest in one's appearance? Should one expect emotional sensitivity? or if they did would you assume he was gay?.

I'm approaching this after years 'on the other side',of total ignorance in relation to men and just not really sure what to expect or to demand?. I don't know how a heterosexual male-female relationship functions and only recently experimenting for the first time. So apologies if this appears a silly,out of place, teenage,even stupid question,it's still a genuine one.

For some women I know it's only about mutual lust,surely unhealthy,but how does it function normally and healthily?

Wibbs

More suited to here Freiheit

Freiheit it depends on the couple, but taking at least some interest in your appearance would be hoped for and emotional sensitivity (going both ways) should be a given.

Roisy7

Despite the stereotypes sometimes men do notice when a woman looks well.

I would take it lightly. I have friends who tell me they like my dress, hair etc and I don't think they want to jump into bed with me. Sometimes people compliment each other for something to say, or because they genuinely like your dress, hair etc.

In a relationship men can become a bit blind to their partner's appearance, mightn't notice a new haircut etc. But if a man compliments you it definitely doesn't mean he's gay, just gay guys tend to give better compliments!

woodchuck

Freiheit wrote: »

Hi I'm just wondering is it usual in a relationship to expect a guy to take an interest in one's appearance? Should one expect emotional sensitivity? or if they did would you assume he was gay?.

Eh no, I wouldn't assume he was gay! It's normal for a guy to compliment a woman. They won't necessarily get into specifics, but when you've made an effort they can tell and compliment accordingly. But unless you get a very drastic change in hairstyle don't expect them to notice that :P

I think a certain amount of emotional sensitivity is expected. Nothing gay about it!

Freiheit wrote: »

I'm approaching this after years 'on the other side',of total ignorance in relation to men and just not really sure what to expect or to demand?.

Why would you 'demand' anything?

Freiheit

I suppose I'm just not used to dating full stop and despite being in my early 30's I've a teenage knowledge base.

In terms of demands,maybe demands is the wrong term,more 'needs' and having my needs met,rather than compromising myself just to make someone else happy .

A friend said she'd leave her husband if ever he goes bald or get's fat,she said she looks well for him.

Ah my situation is complex,but in essence ive started to take an interest in guys,first time ever and just not sure how relationships work.

Roisy7

She says that but to be honest no-one escapes the ageing process unscathed.

I'm kind of confused about your situation tbh.

I'm not sure if you're going from lesbian to heterosexual relationships, and it's not my business if you don't want to divulge, but tbh I imagine there is not that much difference in how people treat each other in good relationships. If you treat the other person with respect and treat yourself with respect everything should be alright.

ElleEm

Roisy7 wrote: »

She says that but to be honest no-one escapes the ageing process unscathed.

I'm kind of confused about your situation tbh.

I'm not sure if you're going from lesbian to heterosexual relationships, and it's not my business if you don't want to divulge, but tbh I imagine there is not that much difference in how people treat each other in good relationships. If you treat the other person with respect and treat yourself with respect everything should be alright.

I am confused too, the OP is a bit "wordy".
I am a girl, in a longterm relationship with a boy, and he often compliments me. He will ALWAYS compliment me if I have gotten particularly dressed up for a night out. Sometimes he will just tell me I'm pretty cos he feels like it. He will always notice if I have straightened/ curled my hair, wear new clothes, etc. He is very complimentary by nature and compliments others frequently, but I would have thought getting compliments from one's partner was the norm. I also compliment him- it's not just one sided! I am attracted to him and he is to me, so it's only natural to want to tell each other that.

Roisy7

ElleEm wrote: »

I am confused too, the OP is a bit "wordy".
I am a girl, in a longterm relationship with a boy, and he often compliments me. He will ALWAYS compliment me if I have gotten particularly dressed up for a night out. Sometimes he will just tell me I'm pretty cos he feels like it. He will always notice if I have straightened/ curled my hair, wear new clothes, etc. He is very complimentary by nature and compliments others frequently, but I would have thought getting compliments from one's partner was the norm. I also compliment him- it's not just one sided! I am attracted to him and he is to me, so it's only natural to want to tell each other that.

I second that, I'm very complimentary with guys, even just stupid things like if they wear a nice T-shirt or something.

Relationships are give and take, it's not weird to give or receive compliments, in fact it is really nice to have a person who gives you compliments and who you can compliment back without it being weird.

Also appearances are not that important in a serious relationship. Take for example your friend who says she'll leave her husband if he gets fat and bald. Well, what if he was in an accident and got disfigured, would she leave him then? You fall in love with the whole person, not just their looks, although it is important to have sexual attraction. Compliments strengthen that attraction.

Sleepy

I tend to give compliments quite sparingly tbh. An ex was constantly seeking them and it was such an irritating trait it made me look at how false most compliments are: most people are using them to ingratiate themselves with you, to fill the silence with inane chatter or because they too want to be complimented and re-assured constantly.

Perhaps the latter could be one of the reasons you associate it with gay men? Many who've not quite come to terms with their own sexuality or whose family weren't as supportive as they'd have liked can be very needy, seeking approval wherever they can find it.

Now, my other half knows that I'm not one for giving lots of compliments so it's not an issue with us. When I tell her I like how she looks on a particular day or compliment her on something she's done, she knows it's something I'm genuinely thinking rather than something I'm telling her out of duty or to try and butter her up. Quality over quantity I think!

curlzy

Hey OP,

There aren't any rules in relationship, gay or straight. Some people pay attention to appearances, it goes over other peoples heads. It's unfair to expect all people to react the same way to scenarios. When I get dressed up or change something my fiancée usually notices and compliments me, however if he doesn't I say "how do I look?" which he knows means "tell me I look good". Although saying that he has also said "oh I don't think that top looks good with those pants", (he's defo not gay : ) and he's usually right. So yeah, take things as they come, if you want a compliment fish for one, nice guys will oblige.

Best of luck on your dating journey, have fun!

mood

Freiheit wrote: »

I suppose I'm just not used to dating full stop and despite being in my early 30's I've a teenage knowledge base.

In terms of demands,maybe demands is the wrong term,more 'needs' and having my needs met,rather than compromising myself just to make someone else happy .

A friend said she'd leave her husband if ever he goes bald or get's fat,she said she looks well for him.

Ah my situation is complex,but in essence ive started to take an interest in guys,first time ever and just not sure how relationships work.

OP what has the bolded part got to do with your relationship or question?

To be honest I think what your friend said is stupid. The majority of will go bald at some stage. She shouldn't have committed to a life with someone if baldness would be the deal breaker. It's not like men can control that.

The bottom line is some guy compliment and some don't. I don't think it's a major issue.

LegacyUser

OP, I understand your need to ask the question. It is normal that when we move into a new "dating scene", so to say, we want to kind of know the rules of the game.

If you are coming from a homo/bisexual scene into a hetero scene, there will be different "rules", so it makes perfect sense that you want to ask about them.

In my case, I'm a foreigner, and I ask the same questions to my Irish friends, "do Irish men compliment girls? do Irish men do this and this and that?"

To which my ever-so-patient friends say "stop being silly, there's no such a thing as generalizations", but the truth is that there is. At least to some extent

So I'll tell you my experience - and generalisations I can tell you for example that Latin guys usually compliment women *a lot*. And most of the time that doesn't mean much. Like others said, its more a matter of saying something nice/breaking the ice/trying to seduce you.

I noticed that some Irish guys don't compliment at all, and these are usually the ones that don't talk about feelings at all. But then they do things that show their feelings, or you can tell by their looks/behaviour that they do fancy you a lot. But this wrecked my head in the beginning!

Others will compliment more often, like most people here said. But nothing even close to my previous experience with Latin men. Which again is fine, cos I find the Irish way much more real and nice

Sorry if a bit off topic, just wanted to say you are not alone in trying to figure out the dating scene and the guys Best of luck!

Idle Passerby

Freiheit wrote: »

I suppose I'm just not used to dating full stop and despite being in my early 30's I've a teenage knowledge base.

In terms of demands,maybe demands is the wrong term,more 'needs' and having my needs met,rather than compromising myself just to make someone else happy .

A friend said she'd leave her husband if ever he goes bald or get's fat,she said she looks well for him.

Ah my situation is complex,but in essence ive started to take an interest in guys,first time ever and just not sure how relationships work.

Dont listen to the relationship advice of a person who would divorce someone she's supposedly made a life long commitment to when he goes bald or gets fat! Does she realise even if he says thin and keeps his hair he will still get old. Is she going to marry 25 year olds and divorce them at 10 year intervals for her whole life? Ridiculous.

Anyway, its all personal in a relationship. Some very considerate and lovely men would rarely give compliments, some very shallow and insincere men could shower you in compliments. It really doesn't matter as long as your happy. And a compliment that has to be demanded is pointless.