I'm constantly trying to live up to other people's expectations.

Colibri

It has always been like this for me but I haven't recognised it or seen as a problem until recently. I feel like everything I have done has never been 100% my own doing. The thing is though, I don't know of anyone in particular that sets expectations for me.

I think I just tend to fall in with a group and go along with what's expected of me for example? Like for instance, healthy eating. I have a great interest for health & fitness (one of my OWN passions 100%, and that I am very proud of having) and sometimes it can get a bit too much, whereby I suffer from a small case of orthorexia (obsession with eating healthy foods). It has put a bit of strain on relationships around me and it makes me stress to no end when I eat something not considered so 'healthy'. I could spend the day guilty and the next, realise that there is no diet police and that I am responsible for myself, that noone is disappointed/upset with me. This thought cycle could repeat throughout the whole week some times. My girlfriend has amusingly remarked on this, and I find it funny too, in a way!

It's not just diet too, I feel like I am some sort of puppet and someone is trying to control me, in how I live my life, how to think, etc. but nobody I know is like this. It's so hard to explain. My life is going fantastically. Have a job, saving for the course of my dreams and everything is going according to plan. It just seems like something is in the way, or trying to stop me. I constantly look into broadening my horizons in fitness, health, recreation, movies, music etc. and have been persuaded once or twice by myself, into things that I'm not sure I even wanted to do in the first place.

It seems like I am not in control, that I haven't found my own way of life/personality yet.

I don't think I have found my own "groove in the couch" yet, so to speak

Colibri

Bump

edellc

OP the only person holding you back is you.

I do think you need to speak to your gp and/or a councillor as you do seem to have an issue with food which seems unhealthy (pardon the pun) as a little of what you fancy is fine, but beating yourself up if you slip up from your health obsession is not healthy.

You say yourself that you feel that you have no control over your life yet there is no one in it that is controlling you, you have a good job and are saving for a course you want to do, so the feeling of your lack of control is at odds with what you say. You are the one who makes the decisions in your life no one else, and you have made certain decisions that have put your life where it is today, so yes you do have control.

Im not sure how old you are but realistically most people don't actually feel comfortable in their own skin until they reach their 30's even then some haven't found their groove so I wouldn't be stressing about that to much as do you really want to sit in the same groove until you pop your clogs, if you do that's fine but life has a funny way of throwing a curve ball at you every now and again and plans sometimes don't work out the way we plan them but that's the joys of life I suppose.


Maybe you need to sit down and reassess your life and what you want out of it and where its going and with who, it doesn't have to be a 10 year plan or anything just have a look at the hear and now and figure out where you feel you have lost control and what you need to do to reassess that. But remember you can only control your actions no one else's and how you react to others not how they react to you.

Colibri

I think I need to find a way to stop worrying about the food alright, it sucks. I tend to have a small it and then binge! The only thing I regret is binging. If I had a small treat each day, I wouldn't care at all.

Thank you for the advice buddy! I will do some soul searching I think

kunst nugget

Colibri wrote: »

I think I need to find a way to stop worrying about the food alright, it sucks. I tend to have a small it and then binge! The only thing I regret is binging. If I had a small treat each day, I wouldn't care at all.

Thank you for the advice buddy! I will do some soul searching I think

Would you consider that you have an obsessive personality? There's certain things that you've said that make me think you could be suffering from anxiety as a result of obsessive behaviours. Like edellc said it might be a good idea to talk to a GP or counsellor about this issue.