Views on poem?

CoCo23

Hi I'm 22, have only just joined boards and was wondering if any of you would give your thoughts on a few of my poems, thanks.

Sad Accounts Run Always
Anna gargles up a reluctant tune
every Thursday. But always too soon
the others receive it. Maybe a stave
of ''ok''?? is her vice. Her single crave.

Yet to Anna her one vocal routine
is not to annoy. Letters of extreme
suffering always prevail with surprise
to her. Then single forced laughs hide her eyes.

Nevertheless, what if you were the ones
deafened by regular racket. The suns
diluted to rock. You would too clasp your
ears to peace. Spill a silence on the chore.

Anna too spilled silence about one day.
It poured out from her wrists and down her grey
fading skin. No one heard this final song
or warning ballad. Thursday's notes are dead.




Constant
I fill my days with pointless clutter,
bits and bobs, and nevertheless,
My head alive with constant flutter,
(marring softly to suppress)
Is still in streaks of wonders utter,
breathing, blinking and even less,
Plighted to a world another,
a starving corner he cannot bless

Yearnings
Thank you Galileo for tilting up at their sky,
as the bull, crab, and virgin sent caution from thought
to the flat earth uuncentred by musing why,
a betrayal of the senses an, unchristian plot

Sinners will crumble like a trumpet to a wall.
Glints of knife scratches shall drop from their clouds,
while Libris will bow to the vowels of the tall.
Your protest shall quiver to madness aloud.

Plighted in brick, left to whince to your game,
the branders, harassers spit love in your eye,
but the truth of their lie only whispers exclaim.
Thank you Galileo for releasing this sky.


Moonlit recurrence
Lie through that open night,
through stinging frosts of contemplation,
wooden scratches on frozen glass,
the pulled out ageing creak of a forgotten floorboard.
All you can do is listen. Never hearing the sweet purr of peace only
its disheartening cousin of silence. Never slipping out of now and its pulsing hum.
Never brushing against yourself and waking up in a sleep,just listening.

Air is now a solid icy chore, a darkened perception of magnified regret.
It drowns in the snowflakes of the stars, not attempting to escape, simply surrending to the openess.
Can you be like a sleepy diamond? The eye of heaven glares louder now
and still has not reached its peak.
No you like the floor board lie fixed in the night,
listening

Yavahnna

Do you write just for the sake of writing or is it because something inspires you to do so?

Anyway, I think they are pretty good. I like Moonlit Recurrence, because its more like free verse. Im not much into the rhyme. But good job! Keep writing

CoCo23

I suppose I write because I enjoy it, it's just a little hobby of mine. Thanks for your comment, didn't think anyone was going to reply :P

Yavahnna

Good!! I started writing as a hobby, but I want to take it to the next level , so im studying comparative literature, so I can learn from the big ones in this discipline. Lately I havent wrote at all, except academic papers, because I have no time. I miss writing!! May be I'll upload some of my writings later, I dont know if they are good enough since my 1st language is spanish, but we'll see

CoCo23

Yeah I'm in my final year of college studying English and have no time either!

alfa beta

I think you write really well - I particularly like the last poem - well done and thanks for posting.

btw I'm just about to send off a couple of entries to the ballymaloe house / Moth Magazine competition - €5,000 prize up for grabs and you never know! ....just thought you might be interested too.

here's a link - http://www.themothmagazine.com/a1-page.asp?ID=2763&page=8

Lazarus2.0

As mentioned earlier in thread Moonlight Recurrence is a much easier read than the three rhymed poems . Not saying I understand it a whole lot (but I'm tired and will be reading it again ) but it's fluid and the words set the tempo .

There's a lot to like about the rhymed verses too but they seem forced into rhyme in comparison and the words lose their flow as a result - far better (IMO) to let your words set the cadence and let the breaks become natural to your style rather than feel you should adhere to a set formula . Write the way you feel comfortable writing and if that means you abandon and/or ultimately revert to convention so be it . The canvas is blank until you define the borders ...

CoCo23

I don't feel I need to adhere to a set formula I just get a lot of pleasure out of structure I suppose