'what if' - what would you do?

thepeachyone28

Hi all,

I posted about this in another thread during the week, so I hope the mods won't delete this! My comment was part of another thread, but I only got one response so I felt I should make a thread of my own and get some more opinions. this isn't something I really talk to my friends about as I feel a bit stupid about it to be honest, and even embarrassed putting it here as someone I know will probably realise this is me if they read this! anyway......

Met a guy on a class trip 7 years ago. He was on college trip also, from uk. We talked for about 4 hours, I felt like I'd known him forever. Then we kissed and it was amazing, for both of us, we were both a little stunned! Swapped numbers and emails. Bumped into each other again the next night and the same again. Went home, not really expecting to hear anything, but he texted every day and we emailed for ages after. One night, at my friends encouragement, though it's no excuse, I called him drunkenly. one of my biggest regrets to this day. Didn't say anything particularly bad but just made a fool of myself. The contact from his side slowed after this, and in an attempt to clutch it back, I increased contact. Stupidly, as it was never going to happen anyway realistically, both in college in different countries, what did I expect? Things were probably going to fizzle out anyway, but I often wondered if it was the phone call or not that caused it to die down. I did apologise and make light of it after, but still......

For about two years we would contact sporadically on facebook. Then nothing as both in relationships at various points. I ended a 5 year relationship this year. I don't know why, but towards the end, when I knew things were going wrong with my now ex, I thought a lot of the one that got away. So much so that in the end, I deleted him off FB so I wouldn't check his page anymore.

Relationship ends. upsetting but I know it's for the best as my ex didn't treat me right. And I can't stop thinking of one that got away since then. I added him back on FB in march. sometime later, I see on feed that he'll be travelling ireland for two weeks in may so I decide to get in touch. he suggests meeting up, I jump at the chance. Get really excited, yet worried too that too soon for me to be thinking this way post breakup. Anyway, may arrives. He arrives in ireland. Two weeks go by and he never gets in touch. So I decide to let it go. Move on as this was never going to go anywhere anyway. 2 months later, in facebook one evening, and I get a message from him. We talk for 2 hours with ease. He suggests that I visit him in where he lives sometime but no mention either side of lack of contact when he was over. I try to play down interest as a little hurt that he didn't contact me, not to seem over eager. Conversation ends well, little excited again. Email once or twice after. then I initiate conversation again in july, talk for little while, but nothing worth noting. He liked some stuff I put up on FB.since then. . . .this all seems so petty but I would genuinely love to meet him again. In 7 years, even through a big relationship when things went sour, I always thought of him. He was such a gentleman. And if that relationship and the last few months of singleness have taught me anything, it's that guys like that are hard to come by. On paper, he is my perfect guy, and I would love to get the chance to just meet him once again and see is it all just in my head! I realise that it may seem as though I have romanticised the whole situation...........maybe a little, but I'm equally aware that he might actually be a total tit and I could be really disappointed if we did meet up. but at least if we did meet, I'd know for sure then and I could put it behind me. Something won't allow me to let this go. I don't know what to do, whether to push to meet up at some point or just leave it and let go.

I know he didn't make the effort to meet up when he was here - but he did ask me to visit, which I kind of brushed off. I could see this as 'he didn't make the effort while he was here, and is only interested if I make myself available' which I'm not too happy about. or maybe he's just cautious, like myself. he did say that we seem to have loads to talk about, lots in common, and he has only ever been nice in his communication with me. perhaps he's just not bothered and was indirectly giving me the gentle brush off. Maybe if I had someone else I felt attracted to here in my own country, I wouldn't be worried about this! And it's not something that is always on my mind, I go ages without thinking about him, months, and then he pops into my mind again, and I start to wonder 'what if'. I don't always want to be wondering what if. I'm not overly invested in this, even if it sounds as though I am! I'm just trying to work out how to move on from it, push to meet up or delete from facebook forever and try to forget! so any tips?

tinkerbell

OP, sorry but your post was way too long so I stopped reading. What do you have to lose? Tell him how you feel. If he feels the same way, great. If not, move on. No regrets then. Good luck.

Ellsbells

No if he was really interested he would have come to see you when he was over - no excuses!!

username123

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, sorry but your post was way too long so I stopped reading. What do you have to lose? Tell him how you feel. If he feels the same way, great. If not, move on. No regrets then. Good luck.

Totally agree. Otherwise you will always regret not taking the plunge. Just message him and tell him you want to meet up and see what happens.

Daisy M

I think you need to put this to bed for once and for all. Either accept that it isn't to be and move on or take the plunge and see what happens.
Recently work friends all had a discussion on how they met their partners, in most occasions the person they ended up with was one they had gone out with previously or whos paths ahd often crossed or had heard of/fancied years ago. I was really suprised, maybe fate does lend a hand sometimes?

rainbowtrout

To be honest OP, I don't think it's worth the hassle. He could have met you when he was here and he didn't and hasn't mentioned it since. He did ask you to visit him 'sometime'. It's not much of a commitment, maybe he just likes you feeding his ego. It's easy to throw out a comment on email/facebook like 'Sure, come and visit sometime'. It's unlikely that you will actually take him up on it, so it's no skin off his nose.


If you do want to put this to rest, ask him straight out about visiting/whether he would like to see you again in a more romantic way or otherwise. See what answer you get, then you'll know.

djimi

It's better to regret the things that you have done than to regret what you didn't do and all that. 7 years is a long time so my advice would be to not go into it with any great expectations, but as others have said you have nothing to lose so why not see what happens?

thepeachyone28

thanks for the replies everyone! honestly, I was expecting more replies of the 'psycho girl, move on please!' type, so I'm glad not to have got that!

@Ellsbells - I can absolutely see where you are coming from, and I have to say I was disappointed that he didn't get in touch when he was over, not even to say 'look, I'm sorry but I'm really busy, and can't reach on it now'. It was a fundraising thing he was doing, and there were constant updates on facebook, so I was aware of where he was all the time, and I have to say it seemed to be a crazy trip with lots to fit in. but if it were me, and I was in that position, and I knew I'd said I'd meet up with someone, I'd at least get in touch to say I couldn't do it then, but make arrangements for another time. That said, he clearly wasn't invested in meeting up at the time. I am however glad we didn't meet up then, as my head was far more messed up at the time than I realised as I wasn't long out of a long term relationship, and I don't think I'd have handled the situation very well anyway. I'd handle things far better now. I think I'd be prepared to give another chance at it at this stage, as at no point have I actually suggested meeting up. It was him on both occasions. I said yes, but I played it very cool (or as cool as you can in a facebook chat!) as I myself didn't want to seem over eager. been there, done that, not fond of wearing my heart on my sleeve, but then maybe the fact that I got in touch with him in the first place said enough? I don't know............it's possible I'm making excuses for him too! that's something I was guilty of in my last relationship, and something I'm not keen to do again, giving someone the benefit of the doubt once or twice isn't the same thing really!

@rainbow trout - I also can see where you are coming from. non-committal. then I was like that too.

@tinkerbell, username123, daisyM and djimi - I'm inclined to feel the same, but very nervous about it, because of what ellsbells and rainbowtrout have said! the trouble is here, that I can see both sides of the coin all too clearly. but then, if I never say anything, I'll never know for sure, and I'll always wonder. what's the worst that can happen? he says he's not interested in meeting up, that's it, delete him off FB, never hear from him again. It's not like I'll be running into him ever, which is handy! or we meet up, we have nothing to say to each other, spend a weekend of awkwardness together, and I never see him again! or we do meet up, and it goes really well. I really have nothing to lose I guess. But what do I say to him so? any suggestions? or anyone else against? not going to do anything until I've weighed up all the options! thanks to all for reading so far!

CaraMay

Say you meet him and it goes well, do you want to get into a inter-country relationship with all the pressures that brings?

Would you move there? I know it's nowhere near that stage but if you really hate the idea of a long distance relationship then don't go there to start.

Stavro Mueller

Well, he doesn't sound overly eager for whatever reason. It might be that he's not keen on LDRs and has been trying to stop himself getting involved. Or that he has been trying to let you down in as gentle a manner as possible. It's hard to know for sure. It's also worth bearing in mind that sometimes people extend invitations to come visit them, especially if they're abroad but they're not meant particularly sincerely.

Having said that, I think you should bring this to a head. Rather than try to go visit him straight away, have you thought about getting onto Skype? Or chatting more on the phone? See how that goes before making your next move. While I think the person who posted below me is being a bit harsh, he does have a point. You probably have built up an idealised picture of this guy and may be reading more into things than you should. So take baby steps and go the chatting route first and see how that goes.

kunst nugget

From a bloke's point of view, you come across as a bit of a nightmare. You seem to be playing a lot of games to see if he's interested, playing it cool and not playing it cool and overanalysing every single insignificant piece of contact with him, building him up in your head and then knocking him down - all the while the guy is completely clueless to it all.

I suspect if you blurted out all the thinking you've done about him over the intervening years and how you've built him up in your mind he'd probably run a mile. People can't live up to those sorts of idealised versions of themselves. They fart, sweat, get grumpy and cannot fail to disappoint. If you want to meet up with him for old time's sake, go ahead but I think it's not too clever to project some fantasy of unfulfilled love on to the situation.

Rachineire

I had a similar situation myself. I met my husband online through mutual friends, we emailed a ton back and forth for several months and had a great connection. I happened to be going to the UK to see friends and wanted to see friends in Ireland as well so we arranged to meet. Was great had a great time but I wasn't in the place for a relationship much less a ldr across an ocean! We kept in contact but it was somewhat limited and on and off over time. Fast forward 4 years and a 2 year relationship with someone else I was dating we started keeping regular contact again. Still got on great, easy conversation. He decided to come visit me, just a friendly trip nothing more. Had a great time and slowly started dating after that. We both realized that our feelings for one another never changed after several years and committed to the distance relationship and after about a year decided to get married and I moved over to Ireland. Now that may sound a little crazy, but it worked perfectly for us and 3 years later neither of us have ever looked back. Now I'm not saying this is what will happen with this guy, I'm just saying don't dismiss it either. You did have a connection before and you still get on well. You never know where that could lead! If someone said to me when I wasn't really in much contact with my OH that I would marry him and move to his country I would have thought they had completely lost it!!
If I were in your shoes OP I would keep up the contact but be casual about it. Cultivate your friendship and see where it goes from there!!

thepeachyone28

@caramay - I guess I'm not really thinking that far ahead. I'm nearly expecting that if we did meet up, it would be invariably dissappointing! Like kunst said, its hard for a person to live up to those expectations. I guess I'm querying my own expectations! I see your point, but I guess I don't see a point in thinking that far ahead if you don't have to. That said, I have done long distance before for a very long time. It wouldn't put me off long distance - but I have learned that if you're not both taking steps to end up in the one place at some concrete point in time, well then there is no point in it.

@cymbaline - if he's trying to let me down gently, well that's nice of him, but I wish he'd just be an @ss - it would be clearer at least what his intentions or lack there of are! In some ways, that's why I'd like to suggest meeting up - at least a direct question might warrant a direct answer. neither of us has been direct as such. haven't really thought about skype or the phone, I guess I could try chatting more on facebook first if going to contact him again.

@kunst nugget - wow! and ouch! what you've said would be my worst fear here. playing games was never my intention - I'm trying to protect myself I guess. think it's a sign of scarring from the last relationship, I'm not eager to get that burned again. so that's probably more to do with games and indirect approach. but could say the same for him - maybe, as I don't know for sure!!! I have no intention of blurting out anything about all the thoughts from the last few years. that would scare me off too! call it meeting for old times sake, it's not unfulfilled/unrequited love. I've been in love for real, I know what it's like. this is curiosity and rose tinted glasses. I know that much, I'd like to see if there is something there. (PS. I fart and sweat too! :-P )

@rachineire - I love your story!!! beautiful! the exception to the rule is just that though, I was bear that in mind!

I know I've over thought all this - it annoys me. I guess I'd just like him to know that in spite of whatever game playing has preceded this, that I thought he was lovely and I'd genuinely like to meet up with him with no pressure or agenda other than see what happens and if it's nothing, well that's ok too. At least I wouldn't always wonder! think I'll try a few chats and see what happens. but if I end up initiating too much, think I'll just leave it.

thepeachyone28

update................

got message from him a few weeks after that, just for my birthday (reminder on facebook, nothing special there!)

I'm heading on a trip away to his home city with some friends this weekend. it's his birthday today, I messaged him earlier to wish him a happy birthday. this is the only contact we've had since I posted here. he hasn't been online much that I've seen to message him up to now, so I didn't want to just randomly be sending him messages. anyway, as I said, chatted to him earlier. was going to say to him I'll be in his city this weekend - bottled on it though . meh. think it's nearly gone on too long since I first got in touch with him this time last year, that while I'd love to meet up, it's been played out in my mind too much. while I'll still wonder, I guess the fact that he doesn't get in touch says it all anyway definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome, yeah?

I guess this was all in the wake of a big breakup for me last year anyway. it was probably never going to end well no matter whether we met up or not. I'd still like to. scared to say so though! like I said, played it out in my mind too many times - escapism if you will. no one else knocking at my door. well, that's not true, been on a few dates recently, but nothing worth noting. moping here.

say it to him that I'm in his city this weekend, or leave well enough alone?

CaraMay

Go on. What have you got to lose? You wont be leaving your friends in the lurch by meeting him for a coffee will you? I would not dump them for a night though when you are away with them for a weekend.

Motley Crue

OP - Everyone is telling you the same thing, take the chance and tell him, for god's sake tell him how you feel or I might tell him for you lol

Dtp79

Send him a link to this thread. It says all hell need to know

Tasden

Message him saying you're in his home town at the weekend and would he recommend any restaurants/bars. If he's in any way interested he'll offer to show you round or he'll ask to bring you to one!

Forever Hopeful

Oh good God Op, just grab the bull by the horns and tell him. You are giving this WAY too much headspace. You want to see him again. Stop this pussy footing around. Instead of half hearted hinting, tell him you want to see him. If he says em no then no loss .....you know. You are building up a huge scenario in your head that has ZERO to do with reality.
Crickey I've to lie down after reading this thread.

username123

Oh my god, I cant believe you are still wibbling around about this!!

Just be direct - ask him if he wants to hook up, if he says yes, great, if not - hard luck.

If he does say yes, be direct on the date too and dont act all coy - just tell him you are digging his action and ask how he feels?

I dont understand all the over complication - just speak up!

Merkin

I think you've done enough fixating on this issue now hon so you either decide to a. contact him and ask him to meet you for a coffee/drink or b. forget about him entirely. You have given this man an awful lot of head space and yet when given the opportunity to meet him in his hometown you're wondering what you should do? It's a no brainer surely? And if he says no, he won't meet you, then he is clearly not interested and you need to park the crush/fixation once and for all. I hope it works out!

Merkin

Tasden wrote: »

Message him saying you're in his home town at the weekend and would he recommend any restaurants/bars. If he's in any way interested he'll offer to show you round or he'll ask to bring you to one!

No way. This is way too indirect and he will think her rude and rather odd.

Contact him and tell him you're in his hometown, would love to catch up and where would he suggest for a coffee/drink....

stop animal cruelty

OP Meet up with him! Tell him you're around this weekend, would like to meet up for a catch up! Tell him whatever you need to tell him...if you get the response you want, great but if you don't its not the end of the world. You will be able to put an end to it. you don't want to look back in months & years to come..."what if" or "if only l met up with him". you also have an advantage yer not living in the same country......if this was someone elses story lm pretty sure you would be telling them to meet him & let him know how you feel...

....YOU NEED TO DO THIS & YOU CAN!!

thepeachyone28

ok, so sent message to him sat morning saying I was there till tonight, if he happened to be free and felt like catching up, to let me know.
he got back to me saying, yes, he'd be free following night if I was. I told him I wasn't sure what the plan was yet, but that I'd keep him posted, as I wasn't keen to cancel or drop out of trip with friends either, them being the priority! so I text him Sunday avo saying I'd be free around the half 8/9 mark. he texted at that time saying he wouldn't make it then as it would take him an hour to get in and he'd been held up, was I around the next day, as he works near where we were hanging out. I said yeah, I would be there most of day................heard nothing back, and didn't text either.................

now what?!

Glad I texted, and yes, ye were all right, I'd totally blown it out of proportion. simple really, just do it. done now............but what next?! there's been no contact since sunday. I was reluctant to contact today, as didn't want to be at him if he's in work, thinking if he really wanted to meet up, he'd let me know when he was free for lunch or something.........urg. at least I wasn't hanging around and had fun time anyhow! thanks for all the responses up to now, been most helpful!

Merkin

It was entirely up to you to make the follow up call to arrange lunch.I don't know if you're just inexperienced and clueless or for some odd reason you're hellbent on sabotaging things at every opportunity.In any event I don't think this is going to go anywhere for you so I'd just drop it and concentrate on the here and now and promise in future to yourself to stop making things so complicated and dramatic when they really, really don't need to be at all.

CaraMay

Oh drop it now as its just not meant to be.

ManOfMystery

OP, you ever get the feeling that some things just aren't meant to happen?

If a girl wants to meet a guy, and he wants to meet her, they ring or text and arrange it. It's that simple.

You've been trying to arrange something with this guy for a long time, and for a multitude of reasons it hasn't happened. The thing is, if he was really into you as much as you are into him, it would have happened by now.

I can't see anything changing here, and I suspect you'll still be posting something similar in another 6 or 12 months. Every time he responds to you or gets in touch, I suspect you suddenly get your hopes up and think that it's all going to happen this time. You came out of a long term relationship and those breakups are always a shock to the system; I imagine the fantasy of being with this perfect man in a perfect relationship was like a light at the end of the tunnel for you, but really .................... you're clinging on to an idea that formed in your head 7 years ago. It's an escape, that's all. There's no substance to the relationship between the two of you.

Let go of it and move on. Your perfect man could be living down the road from you but a little part of you is making yourself unavailable by focusing on this guy so much.

homemadecider

thepeachyone28 wrote: »

ok, so sent message to him sat morning saying I was there till tonight, if he happened to be free and felt like catching up, to let me know.
he got back to me saying, yes, he'd be free following night if I was. I told him I wasn't sure what the plan was yet, but that I'd keep him posted, as I wasn't keen to cancel or drop out of trip with friends either, them being the priority!

Why on earth did you text him to see if he was free and then not make concrete plans with him? If your friends were your priority then why bother texting him at all? Leave him alone at this stage, you're messing with his head.

Forever Hopeful

Op, why did you wait until Saturday to contact him. Why did you not just call him before you left?
Imagine if he came to where you live and said 'hi I'm here, I'd like to catch up but I am not sure I can do it!'
He has to travel an hour and if he's like me I hate to feel like I am waiting at the end of the phone for someone.
It's all about you and your ego. It's possible that you wanted him to make all the effort to chase you once you announced your arrival.
I could be wrong but all this obsessing is exhausting. Get out of your head and stick to the facts.
As others have said here, let it go. I think you've killed it by being 'meh' and expecting him to chase.

thepeachyone28

@merkin - I'm inexperienced. I was in a 4.5 year relationship, where I never knew where I stood. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and my ex played with it like a toy. I should have walked away from it long before I did. Before him, I never really thought about these things to that extent - hence wearing my heart on my sleeve, and not worrying about the consequences. now I'm on the other side, even a text message takes on a bigger meaning. I'm terrified of letting anyone know I care - TERRIFIED. beginning to see where the self sabotage element is coming into it myself.................I'm overthinking everything, because I don't want him to think I care too much or that I've thought about him this long. so I've been going the other way, and been flippant about it. I can see my mistake, and feel stupid over it. I should have text him for lunch. I see that now.

@forever hopeful - I had trouble with the wi fi on my phone, couldn't contact him till Saturday. He did come to Ireland last year, and we chatted before that, he suggested meeting up, then didn't get in touch while he was here. now I see I've done the same.

regarding wanting him to do the chasing - see what I said to merkin above. I can see now how it looks that way. I guess subconsiously, yes, because of the breakup last year, I would like that. it's one thing that has come up a lot since then with friends - they have all said let the guy do the chasing, if they're interested, they will. I don't know how to take that anymore. I feel I've gone to the other extreme, of giving a breadcrumb and hoping he'll come looking for more, which is ridiculous. I'm just so scared of wearing my heart on my sleeve again, I'm so scared of getting hurt. but I want to see him again, genuinely. but to me, letting him know that is wearing my heart on my sleeve if that makes sense? I don't think it's about ego, I'm just really scared.

I absolutely didn't want to be 'meh' about the whole thing, but I see now that that's exactly what I've done. I am going to visit a friend in his city again next month.............contact him, apologise for not getting in touch re lunch, and suggest concrete arrangements for meeting up? which is what I should have done all along, I know I've made a mountain out of a molehill! what I'm beginning to see here is how much of a mess my head is over all this stuff, post breakup. think it's a different issue at play altogether, and not to do with this guy at all???

Forever Hopeful

Then maybe you need to take time for yourself and sort your head before looking for another fling/relationship.
Fair enough you've been hurt and you've shut down but don't take it out on someone who didn't cause this in the first place.
That's why rebounds never work - the next person is living in the shadow of the person before but yet they are two different ppl.

Fact that there is distance between you, you just have to be direct and make it happen. If you are not ready for that, then it's best to leave it.
It really sounds like this guy is in your head cuz there's no one else there.
Doesn't mean he's right for you.

Merkin

thepeachyone28 wrote: »

it's one thing that has come up a lot since then with friends - they have all said let the guy do the chasing, if they're interested, they will. I don't know how to take that anymore. I feel I've gone to the other extreme, of giving a breadcrumb and hoping he'll come looking for more, which is ridiculous.

I do think that yes, you can't be too available and it's no harm letting a guy chase you a bit. Within reason. You however are actually being (unintentionally) rude and ill-mannered by suggesting a meet up and then not following through. That's not coaxing someone to chase you. That's suggesting a meeting and then going awol on them which is just bad form.

I really really think you should leave this. There have been far too many no-shows and abortive attempts to meet up and I'm not so sure further correspondence suggesting a meet-up would be well received. If you want send him a note to apologise but a stern word of warning for you. He is based in the UK and you are in Ireland and it takes balls of steel and a really strong basis to conduct a relationship like that. The pressures on a LDR are absolutely massive where any change in correspondence/tone of voice can be so easily misconstrued. You have to be rock solid and very secure in yourself for it to go the distance.

You my dear I think need to maybe work on your self-confidence and what it is you want before going down a route like this. The amount of conjecture and second guessing and mindgames that have gone on before you've even had a date with the man in question suggests to me that you're not ready for a relationship, let alone a long distance one and all the hard work that entails.

I really think you'd benefit from some time out and just to forget about this guy as I don't think it's workable, not in the headspace you are currently in anyhow hon.

thepeachyone28

@forever hopeful - I guess I didn't look at it as taking things out on him, or as a rebound situation. I didn't really relate my behaviour to the breakup as such, but now I'm calling my own behaviour into question and realising I still have a lot to learn. I would have thought I was beyond rebounding by now, but there seem to be deeply set residual effects from it all that I clearly need to work on. If anything good has come from this, it's that this has been highlighted. That said, I didn't want to drag anyone else into it. didn't realise I was!

@merkin -

I do think that yes, you can't be too available and it's no harm letting a guy chase you a bit. Within reason. You however are actually being (unintentionally) rude and ill-mannered by suggesting a meet up and then not following through. That's not coaxing someone to chase you. That's suggesting a meeting and then going awol on them which is just bad form.

This has struck a chord with me. I feel really bad for doing that. Again, looking hard at my own behaviour, and not impresssed. I will send him an apology, it's genuinely not like me to do that.

regarding LDR - been there, done that. that 4.5 year relationship was LDR. I know all too well how changes in tone and contact can have an effect on the relationship. noticing a pattern here?! I am. it's not the sort of thing that would put me off long distance, but things that I've learned would be not to waste so much time with someone if you're not talking about the future together. and actually speaking, instead of text/email which are rather flippant means of contact, are far more important in the context of the relationship. either way, probably shouldn't think about all that now anyway.

you are right - the self confidence needs work I came out of that relationship feeling a lot more confident about what I want from a relationship, and where I am going, but the little things............zero confidence clearly. Its funny how I'm so confident in so many ways, but this is something I clearly need practice at, and experience in, but your mention of self sabotage springs to mind. I don't know how to get past the trival early things, as I'm always ten steps ahead in my own mind, trying to stop myself from getting hurt. I feel like a year has been timeout from everything already, I need to get back in the game, but need to drop the fear element!

thepeachyone28

just want to say thanks to ye all for reading this, and for the advice, esp forever hopeful and merkin. you've given me a lot of food for thought! going to put more effort into the self confidence end of things, think that's whats most important now. all the best.

Forever Hopeful

Good for you OP! Wish I was as wise as you at your age :-)
Life will get a lot easier when you're not so hard on yourself.
Good luck

Mollusc

You need to get over your ex, and your previous relationship. That's finished, it's gone, let it go.

If you want to meet up with this facebook guy, front up and ask him. We men are very simple, we can't play games, we can't mind read, we have NO IDEA what you are thinking. Be up front. If you don't ask, you don't get.

If the response you get doesn't suit you, then forget it and move on.