To what level is it acceptable to push your values and beliefs on your children?

Blisterman

I often see people on Boards.ie state that it's completely wrong to push religious beliefs on a child, as they're not developed enough to make the decision to believe in a religion.

Which is fair enough, but surely it's an integral part of child rearing, that you instill some kind of value system in the child, whether that be tolerance, politeness, a love of reading, open mindedness, respect for authority, courtesy for others, etc so I don't really see how religion is any different.

Which raises an interesting point. Where is the line? Obviously, letting children run feral with no discipline or guidance in life is not exactly good parenting. On the other hand, is it right to try and create mini clones of yourself? And what about pushing racism or conspiracy theories, if they're what you believe?

Peregrinus

Well, you’re right, of course. As parents we inevitably inculcate beliefs, attitudes, values in our children; we couldn’t avoid doing that even if we wanted to. Even if we did “let them run feral with no discipline or guidance” we would still be inculcating a variety of notions, including “restraint is bad”, “your own desires are paramount” and “you, child, are not important enough for me to care about you”.

In my experience, when people object to a particular value or belief being inculcated in children, what they’re really objecting to is not so much the inculcation as the value or belief. You ask about racism and conspiracy theories; we object to these being inculcated in children because we think they are wrong, period. It is wrong for you as an adult to hold such views and therefore it is wrong for you to inculcate them in your children. Whereas it is right for you to hold views favouring fairness, equality, justice, respect for others and so forth, and not only right but probably morally obligatory for you to foster those views in your children.

The interesting question is, is there a class of views which it is fine for you to hold, but not fine for you to pass on to your children? I don’t see that there is, myself.

I think the view that the inculcation of religious views in children is wrong because “they’re not developed enough to make the decision to believe in a religion” doesn’t really stand up to much scrutiny. They’re not developed enough to make the decision to believe in equality, or altruism, or delayed gratification either, but we have no hesitation in fostering these and countless other values and beliefs.

Cavehill Red

This is the Dawkins thesis - that religious education equates to a form of child abuse. Of course, Dawkins is somewhat of an ideologue when it comes to opposing religion.
I think the role of a parent is to protect a child in their minority, raise them to adulthood in health and happiness and endow them with the intellectual capacity to find their own place in the world.
That involves mentorship, guidance, leading by example and teaching them right from wrong. I'm an atheist, but it doesn't bother me if people choose to include religious aspects in how they raise their kids. Many good life lessons are well summarised in most mainstream religious beliefs. Furthermore, religion carries a cultural weight that forms part of identity for many.
Obviously I'd be concerned to see kids being raised in cults, or the likes of the Westboro Baptist Church. But unlike some atheists, I'm not going to equate Sunday School with neglect, assault or sexual exploitation.

At its most fundamental level, isn't every instruction given to a child based on some value or belief that the child's parents hold? It would seem impossible for a parent to raise a child without imparting some of her own values and beliefs, which is what Peregrinus is suggesting; just as we can never be value-free, our instructions and teachings can never be value-free. Having said that, there's a difference between subtle values being instilled, which are almost universally bestowed upon children by their parents, such as "playing with friends is good" and "you are required to listen to your parents' instructions," and stronger, more complicated and more specific values and beliefs, such as "Jesus was the one true saviour" and "if you disobey God you risk his wrath," being taught to children. There's a distinction between the two classes, I believe; the former is required for a child to function within the parent-child relationship and within society in general, while the latter is in many respects extraneous to the child's well-being, though this is entirely a matter of perspective.

I don't subscribe to the Dawkins-esque view, wherein a parent raising his child in his own faith is somehow committing child abuse — this is often an extreme position without much foundation. Though I do lean toward the position where allowing a child to form his own opinions regarding religion, in due time and when he's old enough to understand religion and all of its intricacies, is to be preferred over his parents indoctrinating him from an extremely young age. But I would say this, being non-religious, and Peregrinus alludes to this inclination of mine — I object to the belief, not necessarily the inculcation.

If parents wish to raise their child in their own religious belief system then they should be free to do so; it's not my prerogative, nor the right of the State, to declare otherwise.

ChubbyHubby

Blisterman wrote: »

I often see people on Boards.ie state that it's completely wrong to push religious beliefs on a child, as they're not developed enough to make the decision to believe in a religion.

Which is fair enough, but surely it's an integral part of child rearing, that you instill some kind of value system in the child, whether that be tolerance, politeness, a love of reading, open mindedness, respect for authority, courtesy for others, etc so I don't really see how religion is any different.

Which raises an interesting point. Where is the line? Obviously, letting children run feral with no discipline or guidance in life is not exactly good parenting. On the other hand, is it right to try and create mini clones of yourself? And what about pushing racism or conspiracy theories, if they're what you believe?

The line is where the parent have no logical reason to backup his/her views and beliefs. One can explain to a child why certain values are good like tolerance, politeness, open mindedness etc.

Stuff like a love of reading are just hobbies and past-times you may wish your children to take on board because they are beneficial as a whole and most parents want shared interested with their children.

Religion on the other hand is different because I feel that there are no actual justification for it. The moral lessons it teaches tends to be good and benefitial to society (in the west and far east societies anyway) but the same values can be thought without using the fear of going to hell. Religious upbringing also tends to teach kids to not question what they are told and it includes a lot of rituals in the indoctrination. This just makes the kid to grow up with a strong believe and never question what religious authorities say even though they can be very wrong. It's not really child abuse but it's not really right either. I favour teaching the children about religion and religious believes without pushing your views on them. They can make up their mind when older.

Permabear

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Red Hand

Permabear wrote: »

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What would you tell your child so?

"This is a worthless piece of plastic made in China by a child not much older than you. Be glad you get to play with anything.":pac:

The concept of "owning" something, be it your labour/property/even your own body, is a value system as well, built on as shaky or even shakier ground than the above assumption.

Permabear

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Peregrinus

But you're discussing here which value system to "push" onto your child. I take it, then, you accept the basic rightness of parents "pushing" value systems onto their children?

old hippy

You can rear your children to have a sense of responsiblity and what's right and wrong without religious trappings.

Red Hand

Permabear wrote: »

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At what stage do you own your own body? At the moment of conception or somewhere else?

Permabear

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Peregrinus

Permabear wrote: »

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I foster an environment in which my child's inherent qualities can flourish; you educate your child; he or she pushes a value system!