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moving location from x husband

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  • 21-11-2012 8:11pm
    #1
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭


    Hi, Im a seperated mother of two young children and I am looking to move two hours away from my x-husband. We are currently going through court proceedings and he makes life extremely difficult. Someone told me if I move the court could award him the kids, which really scares me into not moving, but I hate living here and I want to go back to where I was brought up. I was wondering if their are anyone out their who have moved that were in similar situation.
    Thanks.


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    #2
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Theres no way the children would be taken off you. Were you in court before to arrange access in the first place?


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    #3
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭aoilbheh1


    Yes he managed to get 50/50 access for the summer, but it is still in place and due to be reviewed this month and Im hoping that will stop as its too disruptive.


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    #4
    rugbyman
    Registered Users Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭rugbyman


    Hello Aoilbheh
    you say he makes things difficult , that may well be so, but I am a bit taken aback to read that you hope his 50/50 arrangement will be removed from him.
    when you say it is too disruptive, do you mean on the children or on you?

    I imagine that moving two hours away will not upset a judge , as you have a life , but surely this will make your ex partners rights very difficult.

    Rugbyman


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    #5
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭aoilbheh1


    I completely understand what you are saying that would be ok if he took the responsibility seriously and I didnt have my children upset cause other people are looking after them.Theirs no point in upsetting or using children to get back at partners. Im not trying to stop then seeing their father and thats not what this is about. I just wanted to know my rights and am i obliged to stay here, can a court decide that.


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    #6
    rugbyman
    Registered Users Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭rugbyman


    I cannot advise you on that. i used believe that justice worked out but I am not so sure.

    I am a father myself and often hear from seperated fathers how their wife moved themselves and the children away, making visits almost impossible.
    however one never knows the full story.

    I hope all goes reasonably well for you and your children.

    Regards, rugbyman


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    #7
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    aoilbheh1 wrote: »
    Im not trying to stop then seeing their father and thats not what this is about.

    And that is what is key here. As rugby man said, you're entitled to a life too. You're not being deliberately disruptive, you're just going back to the area you grew up in. I'm not sure the judge will changed the access arrangements until you actually do move. When the time comes and you've secured a new home you could go back to the district court office and ask for a 'variation of access'. They will summon you both to court and you can advise the judge of the new living arrangements and to rearrange the access based on that.


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    #8
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭aoilbheh1


    Thank you and appreciate your reply rugbyman.


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    #9
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭aoilbheh1


    Thanks Abi


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    #10
    deelite
    Registered Users Posts: 2,876 ✭✭✭deelite


    aoilbheh1 wrote: »
    Hi, Im a seperated mother of two young children and I am looking to move two hours away from my x-husband. We are currently going through court proceedings and he makes life extremely difficult. Someone told me if I move the court could award him the kids, which really scares me into not moving, but I hate living here and I want to go back to where I was brought up. I was wondering if their are anyone out their who have moved that were in similar situation.
    Thanks.

    I think you should speak to your solicitor and try to arrange for family mediation. A friend of mine was intent on moving away with her children and the judge would not allow it as her ex partner was probably a bad partner but not a bad father by any stretch of the imagination.

    Things may be a bit raw for you at the moment, maybe in the new year things may appear different. Best of luck


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    #11
    aoilbheh1
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭aoilbheh1


    Unfortunately we have been down the road of mediation and it didnt work for us. I can understand if people were moving to a different country but I really cant understand how a judge would not allow someone to move location, especially when their not originally from the area. I feel very trapped with this situation. Appreciate your input thanks deelite.


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    #12
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    aoilbheh1 wrote: »
    Hi, Im a seperated mother of two young children and I am looking to move two hours away from my x-husband. We are currently going through court proceedings and he makes life extremely difficult. Someone told me if I move the court could award him the kids, which really scares me into not moving, but I hate living here and I want to go back to where I was brought up. I was wondering if their are anyone out their who have moved that were in similar situation.
    Thanks.
    Sorry OP but I can't comment about the legalites of all this because I don't know . All I can do is to speak from some experience

    I think in all this it's important to remember that your ex is making great efforts to see his children and care for them - he is taking responsibility in this regard which many men avoid like the plauge . You may view it as purely an effort to mess you round - I can't comment on that . You could I'm sure write pages about how difficult he is - but likewise he could do the same . No disrespect to either of you but that's separations . My ex and I in lighter moments joke that if we agreed on everything we wouldn't have separated . Love the children more than you dislike each other is often a good starting point .
    What I notice in your opening sentence is that you say I wish to move - you don't mention the children . The reality is you are moving them two hours away from where they were born ,where you set up a family home and two hours from their dad . Are they in school there ? Are they old enough to understand the move and are they happy about it ? I don't expect you to answer me on here by the way - just saying these are the issues that arise .
    Nobody is going to be "awarded" the children . My hunch though is that if they have been in your primary care for a few years that will remain in place . It has to be a fact though that you will surely have less time with them if you move two hours away . Each access will now have to consist of four hours travel time . Even if that time is split 50/50 you will lose two hours as will your ex .
    I'm saying all this because I've seen that judges can only go so far for all the expense and heartache that resorting to court entails . At the end of the day you and your ex will be called upon to implement something which balances three rights - your right to reside where you are happy and "at home" , your ex's right to have regular access to his children and be a father and most important your children's right to have both parents play as full and active part as practical in their lives . It's such a shame you guys can't reach an agreement at the moment . I wish you all especially the kids - all the best .


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