Stalker or just keen

LegacyUser

I've a bit of a situation in my life and I have no idea how to approach it. It's a bit of a repetitive story so I apologize.

A couple of months ago, over the summer, I met a guy online. We talked briefly, got on well enough so he added me on Skype as it had no personal details except what he already knew.
After a week or two on of chatting, he got a bit weird, talking about our relationship as if we were in one already and his plans for 'us'. It was a bit much, far too soon so I told him so. He continued to talk as such so I deleted him. He re-added me, I refuse, he added me again so I blocked him. He then made a new skype account and went on to make a total of 5 accounts from then until now, each one I block. He also found my blog I had wrote in January/February time and posted a comment on that about how he's still interested. This was also during the summer.

So then I went back to college. I knew he went to the same place, which is how we got talking in the first place. He had graduated but still likes to socialise around the college. It was about week 3 when I bumped into him, when I was walking home on my own after a night out (Stupid move, I know but it was on campus and had walked it many times before). He recognised me and stopped me. He asked a lot of questions such as why we stopped talking, what had happened etc and asked for my number. I gave him it in an effort to shake him and only thought later about giving him a fake one. He asked if he could walk me home, I refused and said I was okay. It was then his friend appeared which gave me an excuse to leave, doing so quickly as the encounter scared me a bit.

From then and now I only got two texts and a new Skype account add and I though he was starting to get the message but last night, he was in the same club I was in. I tried my best to avoid him and pretend I didn't notice but I seen him staring at me a considerable amount. It was towards the end of the night he tried to make contact with me but since I was at this stage quite weary of him, I pretended to be too drunk to notice him shaking my shoulder (even though I don't drink) and left shortly afterwards. I woke up this morning to Facebook friend request from him.

Am I being silly and over re-acting? Or is this something I should be concerned about? Generally, I'm not a weary person and would be quite confident around people and how to deal with situations. If it is something to be concerned about, is there anything I should do?

Czarcasm

OP this guy has gone WAY past "just keen", what he is at is just downright harassment, because he can obviously pick up on the fact that you're too polite to tell him to PFO.

My best advice to you would be to first of all change your privacy settings on both skype and Facebook to block requests from unknown people. You could also download your skype contacts and set up a new skype account and re-import your contacts.

You can download a call and sms blocker app for your phone so this guy cannot contact you via mobile, and at least you realise now that walking home on your own is unsafe, so it wouldn't be any harm to have one of your friends accompany you when you're out or around the college.

If he persists then in trying to intimidate you, then leave him in absolutely no doubt that his advances are unwelcome (though I suspect he knows this already), and that he will leave you with no option but to contact the authorities if he persists with his behaviour.

Merkin

His behaviour is unwarranted and inappropriate. Do not interact with him in any way, block him on Facebook and on Skype, change all privacy settings, block his number and be extra careful when you're out (especially avoiding walking home by yourself in the dark). Don't even make eye contact.

His behaviour may be harmless but it has all the hallmarks of something that could turn nasty. It's also important to share this information with some of your close friends so that they can keep an eye out for you. I've been in your shoes and it did unfortunately turn nasty so I'd advise you to trust your instinct on this and TELL someone, don't keep it to yourself as you're unwittingly protecting him by doing so.

Taltos

As well as the above I think you need to just be blunt with him next time he "bumps" into you - make sure there is someone there to witness and just tell him that his harrassment is not welcome and you have run out of polite ways to tell him to leave you alone. If you hear from him again in any manner you are taking all of the requests / IMs / Texts / missed calls to your local garda station to make a formal complaint.

Then quickly turn on your heel and walk calmly away.

Ellsbells

Youo havent told him to stop so its not fair going to the guards on him just yet. Text him and tell him you don't want to be friends and to please stop adding you on skype... Then if he hassles you threaten him with the guards. What has he really done wrong? Its partly your fault for not being clear and by giving him your phone no you were really muddying the waters.

Lorna123

I actually think that you are over reacting OP. This guy has a crush on you but you haven't told him out straight that you are not interested so until he hears these words he is trying his best to make a connection. Now I do agree that some people would have got the message by now without hearing the words but I just feel that this poor guy is a bit naive that's all. Could you not just send him a message telling him outstraight that you are not interested in a friendship with him and that you wish him well and just leave it at that.

WhatNowForUs?

Merkin wrote: »

His behaviour is unwarranted and inappropriate. Do not interact with him in any way, block him on Facebook and on Skype, change all privacy settings, block his number and be extra careful when you're out (especially avoiding walking home by yourself in the dark). Don't even make eye contact.

His behaviour may be harmless but it has all the hallmarks of something that could turn nasty. It's also important to share this information with some of your close friends so that they can keep an eye out for you. I've been in your shoes and it did unfortunately turn nasty so I'd advise you to trust your instinct on this and TELL someone, don't keep it to yourself as you're unwittingly protecting him by doing so.

You need to tell him your not interested and then do the above. Give the guy a chance to back off.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the replies so far.

Sorry it was clear in the original post but I had told him I wasn't interested at the beginning. Would that count? I was in a bit of a rush when writing it, sorry. I will send him another message now though

Also, I gave him my number in an attempt to get rid of him as the situation at the time was starting to scare me (i.e. being alone at night, not knowing his friend was there, his manner of speaking etc). Just to clear that up

Czarcasm

In fairness lads, if we look at the OP again-

LeaveMeAlone wrote: »

I've a bit of a situation in my life and I have no idea how to approach it. It's a bit of a repetitive story so I apologize.

A couple of months ago, over the summer, I met a guy online. We talked briefly, got on well enough so he added me on Skype as it had no personal details except what he already knew.
After a week or two on of chatting, he got a bit weird, talking about our relationship as if we were in one already and his plans for 'us'. It was a bit much, far too soon so I told him so. He continued to talk as such so I deleted him. He re-added me, I refuse, he added me again so I blocked him. He then made a new skype account and went on to make a total of 5 accounts from then until now, each one I block. He also found my blog I had wrote in January/February time and posted a comment on that about how he's still interested. This was also during the summer.

You'd imagine a guy with a college grad education would certainly have got the hint by now, but no-

LeaveMeAlone wrote: »

So then I went back to college. I knew he went to the same place, which is how we got talking in the first place. He had graduated but still likes to socialise around the college. It was about week 3 when I bumped into him, when I was walking home on my own after a night out (Stupid move, I know but it was on campus and had walked it many times before). He recognised me and stopped me. He asked a lot of questions such as why we stopped talking, what had happened etc and asked for my number. I gave him it in an effort to shake him and only thought later about giving him a fake one. He asked if he could walk me home, I refused and said I was okay. It was then his friend appeared which gave me an excuse to leave, doing so quickly as the encounter scared me a bit.

That to me sounds like the guy knew her routine and was waiting for the opportunity to approach her when he could be certain she was on her own. And STILL he doesn't take the hint-

LeaveMeAlone wrote: »

From then and now I only got two texts and a new Skype account add and I though he was starting to get the message but last night, he was in the same club I was in. I tried my best to avoid him and pretend I didn't notice but I seen him staring at me a considerable amount. It was towards the end of the night he tried to make contact with me but since I was at this stage quite weary of him, I pretended to be too drunk to notice him shaking my shoulder (even though I don't drink) and left shortly afterwards. I woke up this morning to Facebook friend request from him.

Am I being silly and over re-acting? Or is this something I should be concerned about? Generally, I'm not a weary person and would be quite confident around people and how to deal with situations. If it is something to be concerned about, is there anything I should do?

I think some posters are being very unfair in the OP suggesting that she has led this guy on or is in any way to blame for his obsessive behaviour. Some people are too polite or perhaps even fearful of their intimidator that they wouldn't have the courage to simply say PFO! It really ISN'T that easy sometimes, and an obsessive and manipulative person can pick up on this and take advantage of the fact.

Let's not forget that these events have taken place over a period of months, the guy has had plenty of time to back off, and there's a world of a difference between just a crush, and an unconfortable obsession. The guy had barely known her when he was talking about "a relationship" and "us". In all fairness now, how many of us wouldn't run a mile when we'd hear someone already talking like that, and then "trying to make a connection"- by bombarding her on skype, waiting to get her on her own late at night, googling her name to find a blog she'd abandoned, and then trying to contact her on facebook when she'd tried to politely give him the hint without embarrassing or humiliating him in the club the night before?

I think the OP has been incredibly tolerant of this moron.

ABajaninCork

The next time he comes near you, scream at the top of your lungs. Tell him you'll be calling the Gards and follow through on it.

Lorna123

The guy was told it was too soon to be talking as if they were a couple. So that gave him the impression that if he hung around for a while longer it wouldn't be too soon. The only mistake the OP made was not to have told him straight out that she was not interested and never would be. That is how I see it. Of course he was trying to chat to her on her own, why would he be approaching her in a crowded place where he would get nowhere. I would not read anything further into that. You have to talk straight to some people, they don't take hints.

So that is what you have to do OP, tell him straight out and stop hoping he will take hints that he cannot see.

Chucky the tree

ABajaninCork wrote: »

The next time he comes near you, scream at the top of your lungs. Tell him you'll be calling the Gards and follow through on it.

I wouldn't do this OP. The Garda would probably think you were a bits nuts/drama queen. One week you are giving him your number and the next week calling the cops? Wouldn't look good at all.

msg11

Chucky the tree wrote: »

I wouldn't do this OP. The Garda would probably think you were a bits nuts/drama queen. One week you are giving him your number and the next week calling the cops? Wouldn't look good at all.

Why would the Garda think that at all ? Sounds to me like this lad could be bad news to be honest. No harm in raising a concern with the Garda and getting them to note it.

From reading the above,

1. Tell him clearly your not into him, will never be and to stop contacting you in any regard or any means.

2. I would raise a concern with the Garda , even a Female Garda as you might feel they will take it more seriously and get them to note it, should it escalate any further there is this previous note you have made about it.

EMTFlynn

Another nut case :eek:

The thing that stands out is he is graduated from college but still likes to hang around the campus! Alarm bells, this is someone who can't move on and sounds unhinged.

In situations like this, you just have to be blunt. Nuts like this prey on nice people.

Christ there's alot of psycho's out there theses days.