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heart broken

  • 20-11-2012 11:21am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've decided to relocate so my child can live nearer to the dad. Ex husband is not in a position to move where we are. We've been divorced over 3 years and I never met anyone until a few months ago. Lovely guy but has a lot of baggage, but I was falling for him more and more. He knew I was planning on leaving soon, and so he just finsihed it with me because of this reason only. I believe him. He's a strong yet sensitive guy. I'm now left feeling devastated. Because he has just left my life, I feel like I love him. Or I was beginning to fall in love with him. Yet, we had our differences where I wanted another child, he didn't really. I also asked myself will I really be able to trust him long term if I was staying? I guess I'm left with the scarring of him cheating on his ex, because he loved her but wasn't in love with her.

    Is it normal to feel more love when the person is gone??
    Is it a sign that we're meant to be together with the pain is so strong and hard? I feel so torn, broken, with my loss for him and moving...:(


Comments

  • #2
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    brokeninside wrote: »

    has a lot of baggage, but I was falling for him more and more. He knew I was planning on leaving soon, and so he just finsihed it with me because of this reason only. I believe him. He's a strong yet sensitive guy. I'm now left feeling devastated. Because he has just left my life, I feel like I love him. Or I was beginning to fall in love with him. Yet, we had our differences where I wanted another child, he didn't really. I also asked myself will I really be able to trust him long term if I was staying? I guess I'm left with the scarring of him cheating on his ex, because he loved her but wasn't in love with her.

    Is it normal to feel more love when the person is gone??
    Is it a sign that we're meant to be together with the pain is so strong and hard? I feel so torn, broken, with my loss for him and moving...:(

    Maybe, but I would be of the opinion it is more obsession and co-dependence than love. That is just my opinion though.
    You both had a lot of baggage, differences and opposite views fundamental issues.

    He didn't want to be with you, if it was really love, you would be happy for him even though he is not in a position to give you a relationship. You are unhappy because you think you want a relationship with him, he doesn't want one with you, that is all. Romanticising it only makes it harder to deal with and keeps the obsession and pain alive (calling it 'true love' allows us to make it a bigger deal and hold onto the pain well past a healthy sell by date). Sometimes even we don't know what is best for ourselves and we convince ourselves something unattainable would make us happy, that is a fast route to feeling constantly 'devasted'.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for reply.
    Our relationship was growing and growing. He ONLY ended it because I am relocating. I disagree that he did not want to be with me. Finishing it was his way of protecting himself which he has every right to do, and I understand why he did it. This is what he told me and this is what I believe.


  • #4
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    brokeninside wrote: »
    Thanks for reply.
    Our relationship was growing and growing. He ONLY ended it because I am relocating. I disagree that he did not want to be with me. Finishing it was his way of protecting himself which he has every right to do, and I understand why he did it. This is what he told me and this is what I believe.

    Personally I would not be bothered with his reasons, the fact is he doesn't want to be with you. People always have reasons why they don't want to be in a relationship with someone, for him it appears to be geographicaly inconvenient and/or he is 'protecting' himself from something. Anyway it is kind of irrelevant. Whatever his reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with you, you should not take it personally.


  • #5
    curlzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    Why did you move away from him if you were falling in love? I get that you wanted your child to see his/her Dad but that's up to the Dad really. If he cared that much about seeing his child he'd find a way to be near you. If I was the guy you love I'd be finishing it as I'd think you still carry a torch for your ex. Also if you're so sure of his motives etc why are you posting for advise, if you're so sure of everything why would you need anyone's input? Genuine question. If you want to know if you love him, well we're not psychic, only you know that.


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