My friend doesn't tell me things

LegacyUser

I have a friend who never tells me anything and I don't know what to do about it.
At first I thought it was just serious stuff, which while it worried me and I encouraged her to talk to me or a councellor, I thought it was understandable and I didn't want to push the issue in case I upset her further.

Now I've realized it's everything. She's supposed to be my best friend (I know that sounds childish but she's told me that's how she thinks of me) but she hasn't even told me that she has a boyfriend. In fact she hasn't told me that she is even interested in the guy in question.

I was talking to her on Friday and she told me a completely different guy, who she had also lied about having feelings for, had asked her on a date. She said she wanted to go but wasn't sure she had time. And now she has a boyfriend that I've to find out about from my flatmate?

We were also supposed to be going to a charity table quiz on Wed as another friend is organizing it. I posted it to face book to remind that girls in my team. This friend respond "Whooo! Can't wait!" and the others said that they were sorry but they couldn't make it. That was all fine, I thought we could easily find two more. But my friend who's organizing the quiz just text me to say she bumped into my friend (the one this is about) and she says she's not coming.

I don't understand what her problem is? She's still constantly posting links to my facebook page (two funny pictures with witty comments this evening alone) but I literally have no idea what's going on in her life. When we met on Friday it was only for about half an hour, I told her all the stupid mundane crap about my life but when I asked about hers all I got was some self-deprecating joke about dying alone, which doesn't even make sense now.

I know it probably sounds like I'm being melodramatic but I've just tried to stick to the bare details so as to keep the post a readable length but I'm so pissed a her now that I don't even want to talk to her. Any advise?

Daisy M

Maybe she is a very private person who doesn't like to share what she considers personal information or maybe she is a drama queen who wants everyone to like her and tells them they are her best friend. Either way this doesn't sound like a good friendship so I would let it go if I were you.

tinkerbell

OP, she sounds a bit strange tbh. She sounds like some randomer that you know of rather than a friend, nevermind a best friend! Why don't you ask her about it? If you're finding out that she has a bf from other people, then she's obviously telling someone.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I have a similar friend. One of my oldest and best, and shes quite similar to what you describe. Shes incredibly flakey when it comes to plans, and everytime I talk to her she has a bunch of new drama going on. A lot of which rarely makes sense and contradicts itself. In essence I have no idea whats going on with her either.

It can be hard to handle I know. I know that in my circumstance the friend I am talking about has a lot of issues with depression and self esteem. This may not be the case in your situation, but bear it in mind that you never know whats going on in someone elses head. Maybe shes a private person? Maybe she doesn't know how to feel about certain things herself and therefore doesnt want to discuss them, yet.

As far as I can see its up to you how to handle this. With my friend I have come to understand that she is not always going to be reliable, but I'm going to be there for her anyway because she is a friend and she has difficulties.

With your friend, maybe its the case that she is just a bit weird, maybe there is more under the surface. Its up to you what you decide to do about the situation. Maybe try and talk to her about it?

LegacyUser

I have a "best friend" like this too! We can chat for hours about a TV show or music we like but when it comes to real life I get one question answered and thats it!
She's just like you described will say she's going to something then not show up or arrange something with someone else for the same time and I hear it through the grapevine.
If I ask her, for example, how her weekend was she'll say it was grand. No more info.

Now I'll admit, I'm a nosy beast but I don't bombard with questions either but heres where things get weird. All along she's always said that I would be her maid of honour when she got married and our other friend would also be a bridesmaid. Recently when discussing her roughl wedding plans she mentioned four bridesmaids. I asked her who the other two were and she said one is a very close friend of her biyfriends (fair enough) and the other is "a girl from Galway". No name given.
When I pressed, she gave the girls name as "Jenny". Neither me or our mutual friend have heard of Jenny before or met her or even heard my friend mention her in passing.
Obviously she has a life outside of us and it's not like FRIENDS where we all are involved in every aspect of each others lives but I have to say I found that extremely weird.
So I've just accepted that she has a whole world I'll never be a part of and if I want someone to talk about TV and music and global events she's the one for that!

daisybelle2008

surethinggurl wrote: »

I know it probably sounds like I'm being melodramatic but I've just tried to stick to the bare details so as to keep the post a readable length but I'm so pissed a her now that I don't even want to talk to her. Any advise?

Well if you are pissed off and don't even want to talk to her you are not doing either of you any favours by trying to force a friendship.

You don't seem to know her long or that well so unless you are really stuck for friends I am not sure why you need to make this work. For friendships to work you need to like and accept the other person warts and all. If you are having difficulty with this, move on, stop knocking your head against a wall trying to change the person and the situation.

Just accept you are incompatible, it is less frustrating for everyone involved!

IrishEyes19

why not address the issue with her? She's the only person who can give you the right answer, and if she me messes you about with more lies, walk away or accept this is the way sheis.