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Fear of women/rejection

  • 19-11-2012 9:01pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have a bad fear for showing any sort of affection which has impeded me of developing any sort of a relationship. I am very conscious of how I am perceived and I think that is my main problem aka fear of rejection.

    I am not very social any more due to the job I have which I had to move to a new city so I dont really know anyone here. But when I am out I just do not know what to do, my friends are great at it just go over and start up a conversation with girls in pubs while I sit and look around. I was out on Friday just gone with a few lads from work and this girl just came over to me trying to get me to dance, I just panicked and declined. There has been loads of these situations but I will leave that for another day.

    The older I have gotten the worse it has gotten when I was a teenager I had girlfriend, had lots of female friends then I did a course which all male and lost pretty much all of my female friends. Now in this new city I have only friends from work who all have girlfriends who do not want do anything outside of work.

    One by one my friends are all getting girlfriends and I just seems like I will be the last man standing.

    I signed up to internet dating but I couldnt even make myself message someone so if I cannot do it online how could I do it in the outside world. I also got a bit paranoid and made two accounts one for browsing and another with my actual real details on it then I found my sister and house mate on it deleted my account. I also have serious trust issues with the internet as in people setting up fake accounts.

    I am 25 now and it seems I am getting worse as I get older and I dont want to be in the same position 5 years from now. My life is just work, gym, sleep and repeat. What can I do to help matters?


Comments

  • #2
    skyfall2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 409 ✭✭skyfall2012


    My sister use to always say 'don't go for the loud mouth guy', go for his quiet friend. The loud mouth guy will usually end up treating you like sh1t (this is debatable I know), but there is real potential to strike up a good relationship with the friend.
    I took her advise and am married 10 years now and I discovered a shy guy with a fantastic sense of humour and I am so glad I listened to her:).
    Most girls just want to meet a person that will treat them right and have a laugh. Try keep this in mind when you are out, and you sound very sexy shy guy who works out!!


  • #3
    girlonfire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 337 ✭✭girlonfire


    I was seeing a guy for a while that sounds quite similar to you OP. Ultimately, it didn't work out. One of the reasons for that was due to his inability to let himself go/just be himself around me. He was so guarded all of the time, to the point where I felt undervalued, unattractive, etc. as he struggled with showing affection too. It's such a pity as it's something that can be changed. Keeping yourself hidden behind walls is such a lonely place to be.
    Firstly, I suppose you need to identify the reasons you feel this way and begin to address them. Building up your sense of self-worth would really help. You could also start pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone (small steps to start with). What's the worst that can happen? The possibilities for yourself in terms of happiness, fulfillment, fun, etc. far outweigh the negatives (feelings of discomfort, which will pass).
    You owe it to yourself to move past this hurdle. Good luck!


  • #4
    Lola B
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36 ✭Lola B


    Hi OP,

    Maybe you should try doing a night course, like a cookery course or something, and get to know a few women there, try and suss if there are any single girls at it. Because there is less chance that you will meet a girl you really get on with on a night out.

    It would be even better if it is something you are interested in, because you might meet someone with similar interests. If you do try that then make sure the girl is actually single before you ask for her number or else you might ruin your chances with someone else.

    I don't think you have a big problem, you just need to set up enough situations where you get chatting to single girls, eventually something will come of it. Obviously if you continue as you are now it will take a lot longer to meet someone, this is very unromantic but its just a numbers game really the more often you are in the right situation the better chance you've got!


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