being gay and social expectations

ene

hi,

so i am a lesbian, i have been going out with my partner for nearly 3 years now and family and close friends all know etc.

what i was thinking was, i work in a creche. my partner is a student in trinity and finds that no one cares that she is gay but i feel like the people i work with would care.

i honestly think this is because of different social upbringings, if that makes any sense. i went to a private school and was a student myself in trinity for a while. the people i work with i think have never had any experience with gay people unless its in a joke way.

i guess what i am trying to ask is if people agree that different social classes, or upbringing reflect on peoples acceptance of being gay?

i really dont know if this makes any sense and i am sorry if it doesn't....

Annasopra

Actually I think being gay transcends class. There are midfle class lgbt people and working class lgbt people and from my experience they get accepted within both.

ashers22

I'd like to say it comes down to the individual but there are differences in the level of acceptance in my experience. Within some circles, especially among women its almost as though they overcompensate by being overly friendly and yet there appears to be a kind of background noise which suggests their acceptance is novelty based. When I meet new people I'm always wary of falling into this category, I can find myself among women who enjoy holding me up as an object or a sign of their political correctness but I feel they find little other value to my company. Those kind of aquaintences are shallow and usually don't go very far.
On the other side of the coin the people who are more genuine and less concerned about my sexuality are more often a different kind of bread and butter.

--LOS--

No I don't think this has to do with upbringing in your case, I think it's probably just easier in college, nearly every college has an lgbt society, there's just a much wider social spectrum in college, it's probably just a more accepting place because of all this.

conspiracycat

I agree with LOS , in college its definitly easier to be who you want to be,
Maybe it could be the job that you are in too? Would you feel different if you worked somewhere else? I mean not with kids

ene

ye probably, i think it may be because i work with all other girls.

maybe i think they think it will be worse then it is

Ambersky

In my experience middle class people tend to be more careful and controlled.
Going to college certainly opens you up to meeting a range of people but they tend also to be people who can afford to go to college.
Middle class people are usually less aware of the issues attitudes or culture of working class people.
We dont talk about class as much in Ireland as they do in Britain but class and class issues go on all the time here too, its just that the lines are less clear.

There are far more people from middle class families in colleges than from working class families.

According to the National Plan for Equity of Access to Higher Education 2008-2013 report, published by the Higher Education Authority, the number of young people from semi and unskilled families going on to college has fallen since 2004.

It showed that the proportion fell from 10.8 per cent (3,730) to eight per cent (3,212) over this period.

http://http://www.schooldays.ie/education-news-item/Fewer-working-class-students-have-third-level-education-in-Ireland,-report-shows-800354672

I think being middle class and especially when you go to college you become aware of issues. You become aware that you may be challenged on what you say and sometimes that can mean you dont speak as freely.
I think middle class people can be as homophobic as working class people and sometimes because they haven't actually talked about it or therefore dealt with it, they can get very upset when it actually comes to their door.
Some of my middle class friends have had an awful time coming out to their parents who are worried about things like what the members of the golf club will think about their LGBT son or daughter and the disruption has gone on for a long time.
My working class friends parents have sometimes been less worried about the neighbors.
As a big generalization I think in working class groups it can be more a case of what you see is what you get. And in middle class groups people can hold their opinions a little closer to their chest but know how to create trouble for you later.

liquoriceall

Hi Im in a similiar position to you except Im a nurse in a small rural facility. I have slowly come out to a few people there but have carefully chosen them. Im also worried about some as they are very rural but if asked I wouldnt lie. Good luck

ene

glad to see i am not alone in thinking this!!

do you guys think that work colleaugues would see if worse if you didnt tell them and worked with the same small group of people for over a year, or just come out and say it and deal with any negatives then?

ashers22

I wouldn't say anything unless it happened to be part of an otherwise benign discussion about OH's or general chat. I don't think I would specifically seek their approval mind, in fact if no one in my current placement knows that would be great. (just don't think it's anyones business)

If it's any consolation, I worked in a childcare facility many moons ago and it was owned and run by two women who were a couple. Would never have been an issue there


(actually it was years before I came out and someone there outright asked if I was gay. It was a critical turning point in my life and the first time I had to confront my own fears about my sexuality)

liquoriceall

Its hard to know Ive been in my job now for a long time & for years dated men before I finally faced up to me being gay, I think with this & the fact that for want of a better phrase Im 'straight acting' I will no doubt come as a surprise to most. The people I have told have been supportive without being over the top which is why I chose them.
However as I will be in this job most likely for the rest of my working life & now live with my partner I will eventually be fully out to all as Im sure they will notice when I get married its a gitl etc!!
Sorry for long post

conspiracycat

Im after starting a course about 2 months or so ago, and its mostly guys in the class, I dont know how I would tell them if it came up, im afraid of how they might react. Im "straight acting" too. I dont think I even will tbh.. (its not a long course and I feel I wont get to know them well enough) But if I was in a work environment (more permanent/know the people longer) I feel I would kinda have to say it at some stage! And I would probably feel more comfortable about it anyway!

Sometimes they play videos from youtube of that barman in The Savage Eye.. you know the one! QWWAARESS! Im not offended by it or anything, infact I'd be there laughing along with them, just I'd hate anything to be awkward if they knew!

Moon Indigo

I actually think this is a really interesting topic. Been meaning to answer for a while. Its something I do cast my mind over time to time.

I am from a working class background and worked for a long time in what could be termed unskilled labour eg; retail etc. And just to say .. that is totally the wrong choice of words nothing unskilled about dealing with customers day in and day out pure diplomacy required !

Anyway.. when I was working in that environment I was not comfortable enough to say 'I'm gay' and if people knew or 'found out' it did make me feel awkward. Partly probably due to me and partly because I felt it was somehow less 'normal' or 'accepted'.

I returned to education and from this mixed with a range of people from a variety of backgrounds. Some from affluence and some from not and many inbetween. I think its true to say that if you come from money or have that backup or support for some not all.. you can access and know you will meet people who are gay where as if you live in a predominantly defined working class area you may not have that access because the emphasis I find/found is on 'normal' and simply survival.

This is just my hazed perception