Exclusive or Not

LegacyUser

Just want some opinions on something.
Started internet dating and got chatting to a guy and we hit it off (as much as one can through a computer screen) so we've been on 4 dates so far and talk (txt) all day and talk about everything. We've talked about it and both decided to wait to have sex.

Im starting to really like him and seeing as we both know that sex is on the cards at some stage is it reasonable for me to ask him if we're exclusive? or is it still too early for that chat? I'm not really sure if i'd be happy if I found out he was dating other people.

Look forward to hearing your views!



OP I've added a title to your thread.

dearg lady

This is really such a personal thing, when to bring it up, different people will have different ideas of when it's a good time. May I ask how old you are?

LegacyUser

Op how old is he?

May I also ask how long you've been seeing him for? i.e. have the dates been spread over a few weeks, a couple of weeks? Also how long have you known him (i.e. since first contact?)

LegacyUser

Hey,

Im 27 and he's 29. We had been talking for about a month before we met and the dates were once a week...

castle

It will just happen when all is right,you should not have to say our we exclusive as it sounds like you both are, don 't put pressure on ,this can be to calculated when you were a teenager will you be mu boyfriend type thing, so yesterday

daisybelle2008

5thdate wrote: »

Im starting to really like him and seeing as we both know that sex is on the cards at some stage is it reasonable for me to ask him if we're exclusive? or is it still too early for that chat? I'm not really sure if i'd be happy if I found out he was dating other

OP I've added a title to your thread.

Why do you need to 'ask' him if you are exclusive? If it matters to you and you want to be exclusive tell him that's what you want. It looks like you want some kind of security to feel comfortable in the relationship. If you want that then it is not unreasonable to ask for it. Personally I wouldn't need it or give it after 4 dates but everyone is different and it is important to be able to express yourself and your needs and wants. You will have a better idea of compatibility too.

shalalala

I think there is no harm in saying what you want OP. If you want to be exclusive before having sex, say it. If he doesn't like it then you are not compatible or he is just not worth it.

Katgurl

I would just say to him that you would not be comfortable sleeping with someone unless it you were in an exclusive relationship. That way you're not pressurising him but also getting answer you want.

ash23

I'd just say it. I did it with the guy I am currently with after about 3 months (seeing each other 2-3 times a week) because I was starting to have strong feelings for him and didn't want to waste my time if he didn't see a relationship for us.
It had happened to me before where I had been with someone for a few months without discussing whether we were in a relationship or not. I'd assumed we were but it emerged we weren't.

So I wasn't willing to make the same mistake twice and I brought it up one night, he agreed and we became a couple.

Personally, I think in your situation it's a bit soon but each to their own. I think personally, I'd be a bit scared off if someone wanted to be exclusive after 4 dates. You're still in the "getting to know each other" stage so I think hold off for another while. Maybe a month or so.

blatantrereg

It shouldn't really be a big deal to ask where you stand. People stress over it too much. It's only a big deal if you start telling other people what they should want.

LegacyUser

Just a little update...

He was away for the weekend with his friends and some random msgs were sent to me. He claims they were his friends but i've decided I dont want to see him again. No time for immature crap. Number deleted.

Thanks all for your views. I'll be taking a wee break from the dating scene me thinks!

Lorna123

Gosh, that's a pity OP. Do you not think that when guys get together and have a few drinks that they could quite easily have gotten hold of his phone for a laugh and sent you these messages. You know how guys love to mess. Depending on how he explained all of this of course would you not calm down and give him another chance.

SheFiend

Be a shame to blame him for his friends antics

curlzy

Thanks for the update OP, all the best.