Moving nearer to abusive ex

Hannaho

I have a very psychologically abusive ex who has caused us a lot of trouble and a lot of legal expense. Very jealous that I got on without him, and very angry and takes it out on me psychologically and tries to get at me through the children.

Anyway, moved down West for job where I got bullied, and which turned out not to be secure at all. So, at end of school year in June, I am going to move back to the Big Smoke with kiddies.

I have a choice to move back to old area and old schools, or to leave in the same village as my ex in County Dublin - my aunt left us a house there. I always wanted to live there and intended we would, but ex was such a bully that I felt it would be difficult for us - it's a goregous, large house. However, kids too are psychologically afraid of ex.

Anyway, two schools of thought with friends and family re moving back to Dublin.. Some say let ex have loads of access if he wants and he will get tired of it - but I worry about impact on kids. Others say move back to County Dublin and let the kids be near him that kids once the hit teenage years will be able to stand up to him - I'm not sure about this.

Other school of though, move back to other side of Dublin where we lived, and keep as far away as possible - I'm of the second view.

Would welcome any advice/thoughts.

Chara1001

That sounds like a rough one op
Sorry, i'm not sure of the legalities, but if your kids are scared of their father, can't he be prevented from having access rights? Is the problem more so that you and the kids are more likely to bump into him in the village where your aunts house is? What ages are they? I don't think that waiting till they're teenagers so they can stand up to him is a good idea, if you and they are seriously afraid of him, a lot of damage could be done in the meantime. i would go with what you think- don't move there. If the house is yours, maybe you could think of selling it. Priority is the well being of your family, if you think it could be jeopardised by this move it might be better not to make it. Good luck

LegacyUser

At this stage you need to decide which is more important to you - living in a large house or if your children are happy long term?
If your ex is lives in the same area as your aunts house I would not be moving back to this area because of him and the trouble he could cause for you and your family.
I would not let the children see him as you know what he is like and the children don't need to be unhappy and stressed due to him.
If you want to move back to this area I would get a barring order on your ex but you would have no garintee that he would follow this.

Would you consider renting out this house and using the rent money you get to help you pay the rent on a nice house in a different area.
I would check with the tax office and the ptrb in regards to doing this as you don't want a large tax bill or legal problems at a later date.

Hannaho

Hi! Thanks to both of you for the advice. You both confirmed what I had alread felt, that it would be a bad idea to move closer to ex, especially not in same village.

My ex doesn't hit the children, but he is psychological abusive, and the children are afraid of him. Unfortnately, there does not seem to be anyway of limiting his access, no matter how abusive he is, until the children are eighteen.

I think I will take the advice, and rent out my aunts house, and the rent from that to rent somewhere else.

Thanks again for the advice.

castle

They should not have to stand up to him, the though that a child has to stand up to a parent is really a scary thought, can you not sell the house your aunt left you and move some where better for you and kids, also you can get a barring order from him if his actions are of threaten nature, there are plenty of schools out there ,it is one thing having issues with an ex but if his mind is on right you know where it can lead and no one want that to happen,