friend extremely sick, maybe dying. how to get her hospitalised?!

vicecreamsundae

I am not seeking medical advice, but practical advice on how to get someone medical attention.


I am extremely worried about a good friend (mid twenties). After having a horrible break up 1.5-2 yrs ago, she became very depressed and her health began to deteriorate. She has been seeing a counesellor (with few results, according to her). In recent months her physical condition has become very serious. She was living abroad but recently returned to her parents in Ireland.Before she came home she went for dozens of tests, and doctors suspected everything from ulcers to crohns to cancer, but nothing was conclusive.

She is extremely underweight, and I mean extremely. She cannot keep food down, and is vomiting a lot. She is weak and in recent weeks has blacked out or collapsed numerous times. She has been messaging me telling me she "feels her organs dissolving". She's freaked out and her parents are terrified. They took her to her GP on her return, who told them to take her to the ER. They took her to two but were turned away. All they have been able to do is get her a couple of appointments with a gastro specialist and someone else, I can't recall.

She messaged me today saying she doesnt want to alarm me but really feels she is going to die in the next few days or weeks and wants me to know she loves me. I am in another part of the world right now and feel so helpless. She needs to be hospitalised, fed through a tube, and then god knows whatever else they need to do to find out what exactly is wrong.

I (luckily) don't have much experience with the health service. Is it normal to turn people away, even when their state is so serious just because it LOOKS like a case of anorexia and not like a broken bone or bleeding wound? Is it a case of the hospitals being stretched too thin, and in that case, are there private places she can go? (as far as I know, her parents seem rather wealthy). Should her parents be looking at places in the UK or Europe?

I am really frightened she is going to die. and that it would have been preventable if she could just be hospitalized.
I mean what would happen if her parents called an ambulance for example, would they just refuse to take her anywhere? (i have no reason to think her parents are going to, i'm just wondering what constitutes an emergency exactly). I mean... and it might sound stupid, but how do you go to hospital? If you can't just walk in?! Who do you need a recommendation from -a GP, a specialist? I don't understand why she's at home wasting away and not receiving any real help.


Any advice welcome. I'm living on the other side of the world and feel so helpless.

JustAThought

Im very sorry for your position + your poor friend. Depression can be a terible illness.

You'rr at the other side of the world + have the anguish of the worry and not being able to help or "see" for yourself. From what you say their GP + parents are managing the evolving situation + worki.g with the medical * experts* to help + assess.

Try not to allow yourself to get too anxious + stressed by it all. Her parents who are here will also have her best interests at heart, + know the situation in relation to medical insurance, clinic + hospital options + consultant + doctor * areas.

Despite what you read in the media they do have good people out thete who will look after his/ her needs.and no, if s/he was dying or needed to be fed by a tube s/he would not be turned away.

Neyite

I have never heard of people being turned away from A&E when referred by a GP. If she is in need of tube feeding they would admit her to a ward. It is likely that if she presented extremely malnourished and has a history of depression, then they would get someone from psych to talk to her and assess her. This happened to someone I know who self-harmed.

With the fear of being sued, a paramedic in an ambulance would be very unlikely to refuse to take a person to hospital, its not their call to decide if someone needs treatment in a hospital or not - its a fully trained specialist. A paramedics job is to stabilise the patient until they can get to hospital to access the full range of services.

It is possible to pay privately for hospital and specialist services, a referral from a GP is required. There is also the public service which, while there may be a waiting list for services, patients jump the queue if their condition is serious or life threatening. There is also health insurance, if her parents pay into a premium.

I could understand nothing happening if the GP hadnt referred her or fobbed her off, but she has been referred to specialists. Once she showed up at the hospital and they found out she was assigned to that specialist, they or their registrar doctors would examine her.


But this story does not really add up the way you tell it. I hate to ask, but how certain are you that she is being 100% truthful? It sounds like our health service is a bit of a shambles from the news recently, and yes, there can be a LOT of improvements, but its not that bad that a dying woman would be turned away from a hospital

stargazer 68

Neyite wrote: »

But this story does not really add up the way you tell it. I hate to ask, but how certain are you that she is being 100% truthful? It sounds like our health service is a bit of a shambles from the news recently, and yes, there can be a LOT of improvements, but its not that bad that a dying woman would be turned away from a hospital

Yeah sorry OP but I have to agree with this. A&E do not turn people away - every single person who presents themselves to A&E (no matter what the issue) is examined first by a Triage Nurse and then other medical personnel.

edellc

Neyite wrote: »

But this story does not really add up the way you tell it. I hate to ask, but how certain are you that she is being 100% truthful? It sounds like our health service is a bit of a shambles from the news recently, and yes, there can be a LOT of improvements, but its not that bad that a dying woman would be turned away from a hospital

I agree with this statement too everyone who presents themselves at an A&E is seen by a nurse and anyone who arrives by ambulance will also be admitted to hospital, it seems to me you may be trying get a rise out of us about a health service that has been in the news lately

Big Bag of Chips

You can't get her hospitalised. You are not even in the country. It's up to her or her parents to get it sorted. Either you are only giving us half the story, or you are getting half the story from her.. or maybe misinterpreting it.

You cannot be sure of her physical or medical, or indeed mental & emotional state from so far away. Have you spoken to her parents? She sounds very sick. But maybe part of her illness is making up stories to explain why she isn't getting treated? When in fact she is not looking for treatment, just attention from her friend who is too far away to be able to do anything except worry.

I know that sounds very far fetched, and probably unlikely.. but unfortunately so too does your story.

The hospitals here are stretched, that's common knowledge, but they don't turn away or ignore obviously dying people. You mentioned anorexia, and that's possibly why she was turned away?.. people suffering from anorexia get treated if they present to hospital. They can't be forced to have treatment, but if they voluntarily present to a GP or hospital, they will be seen to.

If your story is completely accurate then she needs to either go back to her GP, or if more urgent call an ambulance.

CathyMoran

You are only speculating at this stage, she needs to get to the bottom of this and find the right specialist to arrange a diagnosis. If she can go privatly the wait might be shorter.

orchidsrpretty

I can't imagine that her parents are letting their daughter waste away. If this girl truly feels like she is dying im sure hert parent would take her to the hospital where she would be admitted and treated. Hospitals do notf turn away sick people.
Maybe a part of your friends illness is that she can't help herself fabricating stories. If you are that concerned give her parents a call so you can find out exactly what is going on with her.

CathyMoran

OP, I was having problems a few years ago, had a GP note for A&E and my concerns were dismissed in a similar fashion but eventually a physical cause was found, the same with my husband. Some illnesses are hard to diagnose unless you get the right tests be they phisical or mental health issues.

castaway_lady

If she was in that state physically especially she would not be sent home from A&E. If I were you Id make one quiet call to her parents to clue them in on what she's messaging you and find out what the status is. It could be very far fetched and attention seeking, maybe her flow of attention and sympathy has run short with the people around her. She clearly needs psych help and as sad and frustrating it is to be getting this info and be so far away you probably have to take a step back and keep rational.

If death isnt actually near, what about asking her to come for a visit next year, might give her something to get well for?

seven_eleven

There may be a bit of hope op. Despite what is said, you can infact admit somebody to hospital. The mental health act enables you to involuntarily admit somebody to a psychiatric ward if they pose enough of a threat to themselves or are suffering. There are lots of strings attatched but its not impossible.

Citizens information makes it sound hard but I know there are much more to it than just this.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/mental_health/admission_to_a_psychiatric_hospital.html

Involuntary Admission

Under the Mental Health Act 2001, you may be involuntarily admitted and detained in an approved psychiatric centre if you are suffering from a mental disorder. You may not be admitted purely because you are suffering from a personality disorder, are socially deviant or addicted to drugs or intoxicants.

Application for involuntary admission

An application for the involuntary admission of an adult may be made to a registered medical practitioner by a spouse or relative, an authorised officer, a Garda or any other person. An authorised officer is an officer of the Health Service Executive (HSE) who is designated by the Chief Executive Officer of the HSE for the purposes of making such applications. Spouse does not include a separated spouse or a spouse against whom an application or order under the Domestic Violence Act has been made.

And yes, you can just walk into a hospital and ask for help. It may not result in anything but then again it might. Speak to your GP, speak to her parents, even calling an ambulance would be fine. If you're ever extremely concerned call 999 and ask ambulance control if its something they could help with. I mean, tell them youre very concerned for the welfare of a friend and are afraid she may be a threat to herself, (they're not a helpline for advice and tips so be carefull with this one), you're not going to get in trouble if its genuine concern.
I know for a fact the ambulances frequently respond to calls like this.

sam34

seven_eleven wrote: »

even calling an ambulance would be fine. If you're ever extremely concerned call 999 and ask ambulance control if its something they could help with. I mean, tell them youre very concerned for the welfare of a friend and are afraid she may be a threat to herself, (they're not a helpline for advice and tips so be carefull with this one), you're not going to get in trouble if its genuine concern.
I know for a fact the ambulances frequently respond to calls like this.

the op cannot just call an ambulance and get them to organise admitting her friend involuntarily.

if someone is making an application to have someone else sectioned, they need to sign a form and they need to have seen the person within the last 48 hours. it's not something that can be organised over the phone from a different country.

plus, there isn't enough info in the op, and it's second hand info, so impossible to determine if the friend would even be detainable.

Stavro Mueller

If the OP still wants to do something, I'd have thought the only sensible option is to pick up the phone and call her parents. They're the ones who are responsible for her and can do something concrete.

Nicky30

Alot of symptoms can be braught on by stress and depression.

I think alot of it is 'in her head' and her attitude towards herself and life after the brake up.

I have seeing this type of behaviour from a few people male and female and they can be helped with councelling and getting into a rountine to keep the mind busy.

All her parents have to do is call an ambuance and she will be taking in and get the help she needs. Psychiatric evaluation etc

I don't think it's fair for her to be texting you and stressing you out

seven_eleven

sam34 wrote: »

the op cannot just call an ambulance and get them to organise admitting her friend involuntarily.

I never said that. I said that if the op is ever extremely concerned that her friend is about to do something harmfull/a threat to themselves they can call an ambulance.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

I would advise that you contact her parents and tell them of what she emailed you. they are in the country so hopefully will do all they can.

There is not much else you can do.

All the best.

summerlucey

If you are genuinely worried id make direct contact with her parents hen shes not home. There has to be more to this story. If this girl is depressed - she is feeding off the attention you are giving her. I dont know her but i dont think shes telling you the whole truth.

a posse ad esse

OP, I have worked as an A&E nurse in the North and in the Republic. Not once have we turned down a patient. Considering the condition she is in she would have been evaluated by the attending psychiatrist and admitted for further observation and treatment. Even if your friend refuses treatment her parents are able to intervene with little problems.