tips to be boss.

joydivision

Are you the big bossman of anything . Do you know the secret to how to become the boss but wont stoop so low . Has anyone got onelined advice on how to become the boss .
Example :kill the boss .

After hours is too serious lately .

Duggy747

Make love to the boss.

Even if you're self-employed :pac:

joydivision

Start a rumour the boss used to work in leas cross .

spankysue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N1M7Kwl81A

kaimera

talk to corporate
approve memos
lead a work shop
promote synergy

Rigol

joydivision wrote: »

Are you the big bossman of anything . Do you know the secret to how to become the boss but wont stoop so low . Has anyone got onelined advice on how to become the boss .
Example :kill the boss .

After hours is too serious lately .

Being the boss involves lots of tedium and hard work most of the time.

joydivision

Youll never be the boss with that attitude.

SunnyDub1

Be a d*ckhead with an awful attitude

Boom_Bap

This video is full of helpful tips and advice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NisCkxU544c

Standard Toaster

Get a pork-pie hat and produce and distribute your own Methamphetamine.

MidlandsM

kaimera wrote: »

talk to corporate
approve memos
lead a work shop
promote synergy

yes, and some blue sky thinking.........:pac:

UCDVet

A lot of people have been very successful in middle-upper management roles be completely faking their credentials. As in 100% b.s.

It's amazing how many companies won't do any sort of background checking what-so-ever.

Most jobs don't naturally lead into upper management positions. If you are a salesman, you might spend a lot time learning to be a good salesman. But being a good manager is different. A lot of people spend a lot of time working hard, trying to be good at their job, to get a promotion and move up the chain. That does happen, but really, you can just fake your CV and B.S. your way through an interview.

If you're a smart guy or gal and willing to read a few books and lie through your teeth - you can sail into a great position. And once you get that job, even if you kinda suck, it's hard to fire you. Really hard. And after a year or two, you'd have job experience none of your peers will have. You can start looking for a new job.

I found myself without a job and without a way to legally reside in the same country as my wife. I had very little to lose. Lied about my qualifications, lied in my CV, lied at my interview, got a decent job - far better than I deserved. I was worried about it at first, but nothing bad happened. Now I wish I would have lied more.

joydivision

UCDVet wrote: »

A lot of people have been very successful in middle-upper management roles be completely faking their credentials. As in 100% b.s.

It's amazing how many companies won't do any sort of background checking what-so-ever.

Most jobs don't naturally lead into upper management positions. If you are a salesman, you might spend a lot time learning to be a good salesman. But being a good manager is different. A lot of people spend a lot of time working hard, trying to be good at their job, to get a promotion and move up the chain. That does happen, but really, you can just fake your CV and B.S. your way through an interview.

If you're a smart guy or gal and willing to read a few books and lie through your teeth - you can sail into a great position. And once you get that job, even if you kinda suck, it's hard to fire you. Really hard. And after a year or two, you'd have job experience none of your peers will have. You can start looking for a new job.

I found myself without a job and without a way to legally reside in the same country as my wife. I had very little to lose. Lied about my qualifications, lied in my CV, lied at my interview, got a decent job - far better than I deserved. I was worried about it at first, but nothing bad happened. Now I wish I would have lied more.

Woah you lied to become a vet? Thats some serious **** dude . Thats some good boss methods .

summerskin

Think pro-actively going forward, implement a periodic inter- departmental thoughtshower strategy to promote a more cohesive mind-share experience, and always take the low hanging fruit to maximise the client interaction and increase synergy with the corporate thought cloud.

Turtyturd

UCDVet wrote: »

A lot of people have been very successful in middle-upper management roles be completely faking their credentials. As in 100% b.s.

It's amazing how many companies won't do any sort of background checking what-so-ever.

Most jobs don't naturally lead into upper management positions. If you are a salesman, you might spend a lot time learning to be a good salesman. But being a good manager is different. A lot of people spend a lot of time working hard, trying to be good at their job, to get a promotion and move up the chain. That does happen, but really, you can just fake your CV and B.S. your way through an interview.

If you're a smart guy or gal and willing to read a few books and lie through your teeth - you can sail into a great position. And once you get that job, even if you kinda suck, it's hard to fire you. Really hard. And after a year or two, you'd have job experience none of your peers will have. You can start looking for a new job.

I found myself without a job and without a way to legally reside in the same country as my wife. I had very little to lose. Lied about my qualifications, lied in my CV, lied at my interview, got a decent job - far better than I deserved. I was worried about it at first, but nothing bad happened. Now I wish I would have lied more.

I am certain I have seen that film....they are going to find you out soon.

UCDVet

joydivision wrote: »

Woah you lied to become a vet? Thats some serious **** dude . Thats some good boss methods .

Nah - sorry. My name is very misleading. I'm not a vet.

I wouldn't lie for anything that wasn't management. If you lie and say you can fix cars or lay tile or perform surgery - people are going to expect that you really can.

If you lie and say you have experience managing an automotive shop....well...you need to know some stuff about cars; but a lot of what you are going to do is learn how the business currently works and keep on making it work. You can basically let the employees work and ask them stupid questions like, 'How can I make your job easier' and let them tell you what to do.

You can schedule meetings, give pep talks, make charts, buy some book about improving processes or procedures with some clever slogans and start passing them around.

mfceiling

MidlandsM wrote: »

yes, and some blue sky thinking.........:pac:

Blue sky thinking is last year.

You've to think outside the box, while making sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet then we can touch base and see can we get some of these ideas into the mainstream.....yadda, yadda...

UCDVet

Here's an example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Callahan

• Senior director at the United States Department of Homeland Security
• Deputy Chief Information Officer (CIO) of the US Department of Labor
• Senior information technology (IT) manager at the White House

So - she paid money for fake qualifications/lied through her teeth and landed a great job. Then, once she had that great job, with more lying and some truth (since she now had a great job) she was able to move up into better jobs.

Granted, this was in the US - but there are endless numbers of examples - and those are just the people who get caught.

Rigol

synergy...yeah?....harmony ...i.e interconnectedness...teamwork....and thus efficiency ...eg ......

...teamwork

joydivision

Shake hands and stare at people like you wanna know what they had for breakfast .

thebigbiffo

UCDVet has it bang on the money.

Every senior manager I know barring one or two exceptions has got there through sheer force of BS. I know some absolutely terrible managers - make bad decisions, awful at staff management etc but when they're explaining themselves to their own seniors still manage to polish the turd they've made of everything and keep on climbing and building respect. it's quite unbelievable but it happens everywhere.

Quite recently I made the decision that I'm going to lie through my teeth to further my career, sure everyone I know in a more senior position has done it!

homeOwner

UCDVet wrote: »

A lot of people have been very successful in middle-upper management roles be completely faking their credentials. As in 100% b.s.

It's amazing how many companies won't do any sort of background checking what-so-ever.

Most jobs don't naturally lead into upper management positions. If you are a salesman, you might spend a lot time learning to be a good salesman. But being a good manager is different. A lot of people spend a lot of time working hard, trying to be good at their job, to get a promotion and move up the chain. That does happen, but really, you can just fake your CV and B.S. your way through an interview.

If you're a smart guy or gal and willing to read a few books and lie through your teeth - you can sail into a great position. And once you get that job, even if you kinda suck, it's hard to fire you. Really hard. And after a year or two, you'd have job experience none of your peers will have. You can start looking for a new job.

I found myself without a job and without a way to legally reside in the same country as my wife. I had very little to lose. Lied about my qualifications, lied in my CV, lied at my interview, got a decent job - far better than I deserved. I was worried about it at first, but nothing bad happened. Now I wish I would have lied more.

Totally agree. I know a few people who have walked into very senior positions in both IT and Finance by doing this, and by all accounts have done very well in their jobs but didnt have the qualifications or experience to get there in the first place but as you say, when you are senior enough you dont need to be able to "do", you just need to be able to "talk". And they were very good talkers.

Remmy

UCDVet wrote: »

A lot of people have been very successful in middle-upper management roles be completely faking their credentials. As in 100% b.s.

It's amazing how many companies won't do any sort of background checking what-so-ever.

Most jobs don't naturally lead into upper management positions. If you are a salesman, you might spend a lot time learning to be a good salesman. But being a good manager is different. A lot of people spend a lot of time working hard, trying to be good at their job, to get a promotion and move up the chain. That does happen, but really, you can just fake your CV and B.S. your way through an interview.

If you're a smart guy or gal and willing to read a few books and lie through your teeth - you can sail into a great position. And once you get that job, even if you kinda suck, it's hard to fire you. Really hard. And after a year or two, you'd have job experience none of your peers will have. You can start looking for a new job.

I found myself without a job and without a way to legally reside in the same country as my wife. I had very little to lose. Lied about my qualifications, lied in my CV, lied at my interview, got a decent job - far better than I deserved. I was worried about it at first, but nothing bad happened. Now I wish I would have lied more.

Without giving yourself away, can you give us more details? What education/background did you have and what did you lie about? What kinda management position did you blag your way into?

I am not condemning you but I can safely say I haven't lied or spoofed ever but it does seem that it gets some people ahead.

1ZRed

Call a sex line
Cry deeply
Demand a refund
Eat a bagel

Son Of A Vidic

joydivision wrote: »

tips to be boss.

Work on or bypass organisational gatekeepers as needed, then win over the KOL's within said organisation. Avoid trending shyte talk, be original, separate from the herd and time and patience should do the rest.

El Guapo!

Lied in an interview an made up a fake job and put my friend down as a reference. I told him I'd ring and pretend I was an employer to test what he was like giving me a reference.
Before I got the chance to do this, the real employer rang. My mate thought it was me just testing him, so he proceeded to tell him how much of a wanker I was. Needless to say I didn't get the job.

El Guapo!

Lied in an interview an made up a fake job and put my friend down as a reference. I told him I'd ring and pretend I was an employer to test what he was like giving me a reference.
Before I got the chance to do this, the real employer rang. My mate thought it was me just testing him, so he proceeded to tell him how much of a wanker I was. Needless to say I didn't get the job.

Where To

Serious answer.

Never ask anyone to do anything you're not prepared to do yourself.

UCDVet

Remmy wrote: »

Without giving yourself away, can you give us more details? What education/background did you have and what did you lie about? What kinda management position did you blag your way into?

I am not condemning you but I can safely say I haven't lied or spoofed ever but it does seem that it gets some people ahead.

I wrote a really, really long reply to this - but after reading it I think anyone that knew me would know who I was This is a lot more vague - sorry.

I do have a degree, but I added an extra one that I don't have.
I added a fake, one year job, after graduation so I'd have more experience.
I have one legit certification; I added two more I don't have.
I did have three real years of experience - I changed it to four and I lied about my title and responsibilities. I also fabricated a promotion I never received.
I'll also say I'm not a vet and I don't do anything with UCD. My real degree/real job was with computers. I'm in that same area now, in the financial industry (and heck, lying to a financial services company isn't really lying, is it? )

I did interviews at three companies with my fake CV. Only one offered me a job. To be honest, I don't know what I really expected to happen when I did it. I uploaded my fake CV - kind of just to see I guess. When I had some interviews....I mean, I went....but I wasn't really expecting a job. I didn't really think about what it would mean if I got job.

But sure enough, I did get an offer.

Then I nearly pissed myself. I was seriously scared. I'm wasn't sure if it'd be a crime or not to lie on a CV....but since I'm not an EU citizen - I had to fill out official documents for the government. I'm pretty sure *that* would be a crime to lie on.

I didn't tell my wife I was lying. She thought I was finally getting interviews. And I didn't really know or understand the paperwork I'd have to do to apply for a work permit. They wanted me to submit documentation of EVERYTHING. The job offer was contingent on the government giving me a work permit....

Still, after thinking about it, if I didn't get a job, I'd have to leave Ireland, and I couldn't imagine lying to the government here would catch up to me in another country - so I did it.

I attached a real copy of my first degree, a fake 'unofficial transcript' of my fake degree and that was it. I didn't bother with any of the certifications I claimed on my CV.

Sure enough, I was approved and got my work permit and job. I haven't been fired and spend most of my time in meetings, taking notes, going back and forth between other people. I'm not trying to imply that managers don't do anything; I really have been trying to do a good job and I do work hard - but I think any motivated person could do my job. Maybe that means I'm not very good at it? Still, I haven't been fired yet.

Personally, I believe that what I've done is wrong. But I've done some research and it turns out a LOT of very successful people have lied far worse than I to get jobs far better than mine. Lying, self promoting, and playing office politics seems to be far more important than doing a good job. That sucks. But I don't know how to change it.

Red Pepper

My tip: Stay away or get off "death march" projects. You know those projects that go on forever, make no money and taint everyone involved.

fasttalkerchat

How to get promoted:
Work hard but don't bust your arse.
Hit all targets.
Talk about we (teamwork).
When you achieve something ask what to aim for next or what you can work on.

If you try to be superman you will burnout or will crack up when you miss promotion.

Pottler

Dean09 wrote: »

Lied in an interview an made up a fake job and put my friend down as a reference. I told him I'd ring and pretend I was an employer to test what he was like giving me a reference.
Before I got the chance to do this, the real employer rang. My mate thought it was me just testing him, so he proceeded to tell him how much of a wanker I was. Needless to say I didn't get the job.

Doing it once was bad enough, doing it twice was just dumb!:pac:

El Guapo!

Pottler wrote: »

Doing it once was bad enough, doing it twice was just dumb!:pac:

Damn touch site!!

MadsL

Hang out with travellers

Howya, boss