Brush off? Should I move on?

LegacyUser

I'm a 23 year old female. Been dating a 24 year old male for almost 3 months now. He asked me out when we met at our mutual favourite bands concert.

Everything was going great. Seeing each other 3 times a week, sometimes more. We went on dates but also hung out with each others friends and met each others siblings.
He text me almost every day, always initiated by him as I didn't want to seem clingy. We had some great dates.
He told me he really liked me, they were some of the best dates he'd ever been on, we haven't slept together. He was a perfect gentleman and never tried anything.
His friends even text me to hang out when he is in work, his friends tell me he's really into me, he tells my friends the same.
He tells me he misses me and that i'm the girl for him. Made plans with me months into the future
On Wednesday last week, we went for dinner, was great, then went to see a mutual friends band play, hung out at the gig all night, then shared a taxi home.
I text him the next day thanking him for dinner but never got a reply( usually he would have text me straight after) . That evening I got a fb message saying he lost his phone and asked for my number. Said he would call me as soon as he got his new phone which would be the weekend. Its now 7 days later and i've heard nothing. No phone call, no fb.

I was mad about this guy and have been treated so badly in past relationships. I though i'd finally gotten lucky and I am fairly devastated, I thought he was 'the one'.
Is it safe to say i've gotten the brush off and should move on (another guy I had been interested in for a while has asked me out) . Also we have loads of mutual friends, our bands sometimes play the same gigs and also we have the same job and end up working together sometimes.
What should I do/say when I run into him??

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I understand exactly how you feel ... I wrote a similar post last week and this may as well have been the same guy! I had been through this situation with him before and knew about his "disappearing ways" and so was not going to let him slip off again easy this time.

Went over a week with no contact (after scrappy contact for 2 weeks previous) which was the final straw and I asked him to meet up to which I got no reply until that night when he basically finished it (cowardly i might add via text). I'm not saying this to scare you but may be just be prepared for the worst.

Have you contacted him since, even on Facebook?

Its absolutely horrible, I know ... to be sitting there wondering how things can go from a great night to zilch nothing and to make it worse without an obvious reason!

LegacyUser

This is the first time he has done this to me. About 2 weeks ago, we went 4 days without talking, I text him and he asked why he hadn't heard from me for so long. I had sent him a text he never replied to and assumed he didn't want to talk to me. Turn out he never got the text (I checked my outbox and sure enough there it was) My phone has a habit of doing that.
When that happened he said "I'd never just ignore you like that, i'm mad about you'

No I haven't contacted him at all, I don't want to chase after him as it seems to be very clear i'm being blanked. I'm starting to doubt if he even lost his phone.

daisybelle2008

OP, my advise is not only to move on but move on as fast as you possibly can. Go for a date with the other guy, keep busy and thank your stars that it is only 3 months down the line when this happened. When you run into him, don't get into it, don't give any more emotional investment to it. It won't pay off. Like the other poster experienced, that wishy washy behaviour becomes head wrecking fast. Absolute easiest way is too run for the hills at the first sign of it and don't wait for an apology of explanation. Tell youself its a deal breaker and don't look back.
After all no apology or explanation is needed if you have zero tolerance. Beleive me the reduction in drama will be worth it.

R.D. aka MR.D

cluelessdater54 wrote: »

This is the first time he has done this to me. About 2 weeks ago, we went 4 days without talking, I text him and he asked why he hadn't heard from me for so long. I had sent him a text he never replied to and assumed he didn't want to talk to me. Turn out he never got the text (I checked my outbox and sure enough there it was) My phone has a habit of doing that.
When that happened he said "I'd never just ignore you like that, i'm mad about you'

No I haven't contacted him at all, I don't want to chase after him as it seems to be very clear i'm being blanked. I'm starting to doubt if he even lost his phone.

I think if you really like this guy you should give it one more try. Just send him a fb message saying 'get your new phone yet?'.

It could all be a misunderstanding like the last time.

I really don't think it is chasing after him. Maybe if you sent him 5 messages without a response!

Healthis

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I think if you really like this guy you should give it one more try.

No don't do it! Let this one go, you will have dodged a bullet. You didn't hear from him for 7 days, if he was 'mad about you' then that would NOT have been the case. Go on a date with the guy who IS interested in you.

LegacyUser

@R.D I definitely don't think there is room for misunderstanding here. Last time, the text didn't send. This time, I gave him my number and he said he'd call and hasn't for 7 days.
He has a house phone. If he deleted the number he could send me another fb message. He knows where I work.
I don't want to embarrass myself further. Although maybe if I message him he'll stop being a coward and finish it.
Its very hard to move on not knowing.

@Healthis I am getting lots of conflicting opinions. There is a voice in my head telling me to message him but I also want to delete him from fb and never speak to him again.
As you said, if he was mad about me, phone or no phone, he would find a way of contacting me. I probably won't date anyone else again though as I am continuously treated badly, cheated on, blanked etc. This guy couldn't have seemed more interested and now nada. He even had my friends fooled. I just give up

sullies

Hi Cluelessdater, you need to take the bull by the horns and contact this man. A similar thing happened to me with a guy that was mad about me. He was always initiating texts, calls, dinners etc. Then all of a sudden he went cold and l didn't know what was going on. I eventually contacted him after about 5 days and we talked a length. Basically, it turned out that he was feeling insecure because l had never initiated dates, texts etc and felt that l wasn't into him as much as he was me and then distanced himself to see if l cared enough to contact him. It might be a possibility. What harm can it be to send a little fb message. At the end of the day a successful relationship has to be 50/50 and not all him. Put your mind at rest. Speak to him and ask him to be honest. I would advise not to see this other guy until you know for sure what is happening because you will most definitely destroy the relationship you're in.

Meauldsegosha

OP I would send him a message, you've nothing to lose. He seems to like you and there could be any number of reasons why he hasn't been in contact.

If he does get in contact and things work out stop the nonsense of not initiating contact in case you appear clingy. Most men don't understand these games and you could end up missing out on something great.

Stench Blossoms

I think your 'not wanting to look clingy' is coming across as 'not interested'.

Send him one more message on FB asking if he got a phone sorted. If you don't get a reply then only then would I think you are being giving the brush off.

martomcg

I'd say to message him.

On an aside note, how old are you? I ask because 3 months is a very long time to be seeing someone so often without sleeping together. (unless you're still in your teens)

I know personally regardless how much I've liked girls in the past, when its passed the month mark and no 'happy time', I've started to lose interest and out of niceness/politeness kept seeing them while gradually letting things fizzle....

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. Thanks for the advice. I definitely have no intention dating the other guy tbh. I have told this guy how much I like him a load of times and if he doesn't know by now he must be a fool. But ok, I will send him a message on fb.

I'm 21 and if a guy ended things because I wouldn't sleep with him after 3 months he wouldn't be the kind of guy I would want a relationship with, we are not yet seeing each other 3 months anyway . Also he was the one who wanted to wait as we both have awkward living situations which would be sorted by December

WhatNowForUs?

Hi. you've been having great dates for three months and plan now to go on a date with somebody else without finding out why he hasn't contacted you. Contact him for Gods Sake don't throw away something that could be good.

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone. As advised I sent him a message on fb yesterday morning as I saw he was online. No reply. He's posted twice since then and it came up as 'seen'

Guess that is that in. I'm going to delete him in a few days. I'm supposed to work with him next week but I've gotten someone to cover me. I can't do that forever so I guess I'll just have to deal with the awkwardness then

This is probably the worst way anyone has ever treated me. How can someone say all those things and not mean a word of it

R.D. aka MR.D

cluelessdater54 wrote: »

Hi Everyone. As advised I sent him a message on fb yesterday morning as I saw he was online. No reply. He's posted twice since then and it came up as 'seen'

Guess that is that in. I'm going to delete him in a few days. I'm supposed to work with him next week but I've gotten someone to cover me. I can't do that forever so I guess I'll just have to deal with the awkwardness then

This is probably the worst way anyone has ever treated me. How can someone say all those things and not mean a word of it

Oh i'm sorry OP but at least you know now and can stop wondering.

You can start the process of moving on.

Take care of yourself and know that time will heal.

sullies

You did the right thing by sending him a message on fb. However, l am really sorry to hear that he saw it and never replied. At least you know now. Onwards and upwards. Don't be avoiding him. He is the one who created this situation so hold your head in the air. Be very matter of fact if you meet him and l wouldn't let him see that he has hurt you.

Meauldsegosha

Ah OP that's a pity but at least you're not left wondering. You're right to give yourself a few days but when you do see him again remember you did nothing to cause any awareness so hold your head high.

girl2

Pretty poor behaviour on his part - which says a lot about the kind of person he is. I'm sorry it has worked out this way for you and that you have been treated so despicably…but at least now you know and this will allow you to move on and be with someone has is respectful of you. You deserve so much better OP. Good luck.

Nicky30

If your text didn't send, i would say he blocked you.

I would delete him and block him from facebook.

What a loser

I know a guy like this, he dates women for a short period and then goes cold on them, no explanation just gone etc

Look at him now, nearly 30yrs old, no girlfriend, while all his friends are in relationships and getting married.

summerlucey

What a p***k! I reckon he was just looking for a s**g. Acting as sweet as pie or else hes gay and thats why you think he was happy not to. Im sorry i didnt read your post sooner coz i would have said def dont post - seeing that ye had loads of friends / work in common if he really genuinely wanted to contact you he would have. Id go into work if i were you - be brave f**k him. Show him you dont care. Id hate for him to know he upset you. Id actually have it out with him.