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In a rut!!

  • 13-11-2012 11:31am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys, going unregistered for this one. I hope I can get some advice on here as I feel like my brain is going to melt.

    Long story short.. was with me ex for 4 years, broke up a year ago. treated me appallingly for quite some time and I eventually got out. I was single for months and eventually took the plunge and agreed to a date with a guy I met through work.
    He seemed lovely and i really enjoyed spending time with him, but he was quite full on. He was sending me tests every day saying how much he liked me, missed me and so on. This was only after a matter of a few weeks. I remained calmer as I thought it was a bit too much to soon. Anyway..he took a "freak out" and said he wasnt ready. I was quite upset as i was beginning todevelop feelongs for him but I graciously accepted it, wished him all the best and left him to it.
    He texted me several times after that just general chit caht asking how I was etc but I eventually said it was best if we didnt for a while as I was trying to move on. It lasted a week.

    Since this he's textd me more, adding X's calling me pet names, asked me out twice(which didnt suit as i was away) and messages me on FB.
    I dont understand what he wants. is it just to keep me on the back burner??

    Should I just quit replying? I suppose a part of me still really like him but Im not setting myself up for a fall again but I fell like he's holding me back from meeting someone else.

    Thanks for reading guys!!


Comments

  • #2
    sullies
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24 ✭sullies


    In my opinion this guy is messing about. Cut ties with him and make yourself available for meeting someone who is willing to be honest and open with you rather than send you mixed messages. Life is too short for those sort of mind games! Good luck.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for your reply sullies!

    I'd love to know whats going on in his head. I think sometimes that he does want something but then panics again. Then tetxs to make himself feel better knowing that'll i'll most likely reply.
    We're not teenagers, Im 27, him 29. He had a soccer tournament last week, it was the first time I hadnt wished him luck as I felt i needed to satrt distancing myself and he was straight on the next day to me telling(jokingly) me he's lost and it was probably because i hadn't texted him.

    I wish i could draw a line under it and walk away but im finding it difficult.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    After braking up with someone you were with for 4 years who treated you badly towards the end of the relationship I would have done the same as you and stayed single for a while.

    This man sounds like someone who see a woman as someone to have when he wants you.
    He is willing to make a big effort at the start so you think he is a great guy but after a while you will realise that this so called relationship is on his terms.
    This man wants you around when he has nothing to do, when his friends are busy or some one to have sex with. You did the right thing ending things with him.
    At 29 he should be mature enough to knew if he wants a casual fling or if he wants an adult relationship.
    The next time he rings or sends you message on facebook I would tell him that you are not interested and to stop contacting you.
    This man needs to grow up. You deserve to meet some one who wants the same things as you so don't be wasting time with this man.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for your post fab lady. I really dont think he knows what he wants. We never slept together as it was early days and I didnt want to get into that end of things until I was completely sure that he was right for me. Maybe this had a dappening effect on it, but he remained a complete gentleman at all times and never tried anything on me.

    He reckoned that i was too good for him... should I not be the judge of that?

    Last night the FB messages flooded through when he realised i had gone to a concert, one which he had of loved to have gone to. He asked jokingly why I hadnt asked him, im not sure what sort of response he expected but I just ignored it. He then sent me another asking what I was doing this evening. Which I also didnt reply to. And I also woke up this morning to a Good Morning text.

    I'm beginning to think that he can see me moving on and getting out doing things lately and maybe he's feeling a little sorry for himself.


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