age gap - the younger man dilemma

73trix

Hi all,

I'm in a relationship with a guy 6 yrs younger. I'm 38 and he's 32. Initially I was a bit freaked by this and was reluctant to take it seriously but thing is, we're now together 9 months and it's getting pretty serious. I do believe we love each other. He consistently tells me that the age dif doesn't matter.

I can't help thinking how ironic it is, that I was so dubious of this age gap in others and doubted it could ever work, and also dismissed guys over the years for less of an age gap yet now, yrs later, I'm prepared to risk it, despite a few insecurities, which I think are understandable.

I have a friend who married a guy 7 yrs younger - she 37 and he 30 when they married. I also know a few mutual friends who have married guys 6 yrs younger too.

Anyway, I'm just interested in people's experiences, good and bad. TBH, initially, my biggest fear was that by the time we would be ready to make serious commitments e.g. to have kids, that by then it would be too late for me but now I don't think about that as much. It's not everything. I would prefer a partner who loves me for the long term. If the kids thing doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. And besides, this particular fear is less to do with his age anyway, whether he's younger or older, it's to do with mine. Regardless of any new relationships at this point in my life, i will need that time to get to know someone very, very well first and it just so happens that I am then getting older.

So, please share your experiences. With thanks.

Irish_Elect_Eng

73trix wrote: »

I do believe we love each other.

Very Happy for you. :-)

73trix wrote: »

He consistently tells me that the age dif doesn't matter.

Believe him.

It's simple really, unless he is a liar about other things, why would you think he is lying about this? We men are simple creatures really.

If you really believe he loves you, then it should be really easy to believe him when he says that age does not matter

Sleepy

73trix wrote: »

TBH, initially, my biggest fear was that by the time we would be ready to make serious commitments e.g. to have kids, that by then it would be too late for me but now I don't think about that as much. It's not everything. I would prefer a partner who loves me for the long term. If the kids thing doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. And besides, this particular fear is less to do with his age anyway, whether he's younger or older, it's to do with mine. Regardless of any new relationships at this point in my life, i will need that time to get to know someone very, very well first and it just so happens that I am then getting older.

Have you discussed this with him? Does he want kids at some point? Because if he does, your age makes the window in which you could give that to him quite short...

He may not wants kids at all but if he does, he might need to be told about this.

LegacyUser

been there got the t-shirt, dated a guy for two years and with an 7 year age gap. 37/30. at the start i was very worried about the age difference but it didn't seem to matter to him, he was a nice guy so i went with it. after two years when i tentatively discussed the future he did a usain bolt, never seen a man run as fast as his little legs could carry him. for two years he kept saying the age gap didn't matter but in the end he just didn't have the maturity to deal with a serious relationship and legged it. please don't put off discussing the future with him when the time is right, if he cares about you enough it wont scare him. wishing you the best of luck!

iusedtoknow

I am 5 years younger than my wife and it has never mattered. I always thought about it the following way

15-20...big difference
20-25..difference but not insurmountable
25-30...barely a difference
30+.....nada

I am 28, my wife is 32. We met when I was 23 and she was 27. I was just starting on my career path, so was she (she is a doctor so spent a lot of time qualifying etc) and so were at very similar stages of working hard and living like the adults we already were.
Kids will come into the equation with us eventually, but we have just migrated to the states (from her native spain) and she wants to concentrate on her career for now, so do I. When kids do come along (we are planning on 3+ years) we'll both be ready.
We didn't notice too many issues, but 4 years is not that much but in reality, i do have a couple of friends with that big an age gap (both ways, in their thirties and early twenties) and even as friends we still get on. As far as i'm concerned,once you're an adult, you're an adult.
Have you had "the" conversation? If not, i would talk to him - if he loves you, he probably already has figured out that kids may be on the agenda sooner than later (us guys aren't as dumb as we sometimes give ourselves credit as ) and is sticking around for a reason, he knows it and it doesn't worry him.

LegacyUser

Younger man older woman can work as a relationship. As you get older a few years of an age gap does not matter as much as a 15 years old going out with a 20 year old.
I would ask you oh do you want to have children?
He may say yes I want kids/ I will have kids in another 10 years and his answer should tell you what he wants.
If he says we have years to think about this I would tell him that at 38 it may take you some time to get pregnant and that you are not in a position to wait for years like him.
I know several couples who are married with your type of age gap and they have families.
I know men of 40 plus who don't want marriage/children when other men in there early 30's would like to meet a nice woman for a serious relationship.
The most important thing is that as a couple you have to be willing to chat about this.
You may not like what you hear but so many woman waste time with men who don't want the same thing as they do.

sullies

A 6-year gap when you are in your 30's is no big deal. Age has no personality so it shouldn't come into your relationship. My husband is younger than me and l think we've talked about our age difference about 2/3 times in our 8-year marriage. It shouldn't be an issue. Once you've met the right person that's all that matters.

will.i.am

A six year gap in nothing to be worried about my dad married my mam when he was 32 and she was 18 and the have being happily married for nearly 32 years!

LegacyUser

Myself and my partner met when he was 26 and I was 37. Roll on 5 years and we are happier than ever with a 5 month old baby girl (I naturally conceived at 41 with no problems)

Age really is only a number if you are compatible. I would concentrate on the relationship rather than your ages.

Witchie

I want to reiterate what has been said above, it doesnt matter as long as you are both comfortable and what you want is compatible.

Have the discussion now about children before it is too late to do anything about it.

Good luck.

ManOfMystery

Again, I agree with the above. If you love each other, and both want the same things down the line (marriage, 2.4 kids and a dog, etc), then the age thing doesn't really matter. Obviously on the woman's side there's a biological clock and that may hasten things a little if you both want children, but this is really just a matter of timescale for two people who both want the same thing in the end anyway - if you're both mature enough to communicate and are in agreement that you may have to act sooner rather than later, then there's no problem.

My wife is 4yrs older than me and it's never really been an issue for us.

woodchuck

I don't think the age difference itself is something to worry about... presumably you're compatible on an intellectual and personal level etc if you're going out that long.

The only issue is if he wants to have kids. He might be a bit oblivious to your biological clock, so if it's something you haven't ever discussed then I think you need to do it sooner rather than later.

blatantrereg

Ask him if he wants kids. Tell him whether / how much you want kids.

As someone alluded to, he might not be thinking about your biological clock when he says age doesn't matter.

It's good that you're not feeling pressured by that to rush into something, and maybe make that point if you decide to discuss stuff like that with him.

73trix

Primagravida Mama wrote: »

Myself and my partner met when he was 26 and I was 37. Roll on 5 years and we are happier than ever with a 5 month old baby girl (I naturally conceived at 41 with no problems)

Age really is only a number if you are compatible. I would concentrate on the relationship rather than your ages.

That's fantastic, delighted to hear that!