Dumped by text...

LegacyUser

So the message is in the title ... I'd been seeing this guy for a few months, all going fine until he started slacking with his contact with me.
I asked to meet up the last few weekends and was greeted with an excuse or no reply.

Thursday night I said eff this I'm not hanging about any longer dealing with crumbs of affection when it suits him and requested to meet up and sort us out.

Got a text 6 hours later at 10.30pm saying "oh its too late to meet up now, I've been thinking a lot lately and my head is all over the place, I don't think this is working yada yada yada , you deserve so much more than this and so we should end things here etc." Not even a hint of my opinion or what I thought about it.

I was half prepared because of his recent behaviour but absolutley disgusted that he did this by text because we had been friends for a while before we got together so even at that level I thought I meant more to him. Basically what I'm wondering is; I haven't replied yet because I'm so annoyed that he took the cowardly approach....is it a good idea to continue and not send a reply and see how he likes being ignored and also I don't even know what I want to say to him? He will not meet up so no point even suggesting it...

Pippy1976

OP1 wrote: »

is it a good idea to continue and not send a reply and see how he likes being ignored and also I don't even know what I want to say to him? He will not meet up so no point even suggesting it...

Don't reply! And judging by the tone in his text he won't even notice that he's being ignored!

Not worth it. Leave it at this stage and move on.

daisybelle2008

To be honest I am not sure why you need his lack of interest spelled out to you in person? I am really on the fence with this. I don’t honestly see much wrong with what he had done. He has been showing you for a while with his actions that he is not interested. Why can’t you accept this and let it fizzle out without any drama. He has told you he wants to end things why would you want to ‘see how he likes being ignored’? Of course you should not suggest meeting up, just move on and be happy. I am not sure why people need to be told where they stand. If someone is making excuses or not even responding to you, you really don’t stand anywhere.

Honestly if someone is taking that little interest in you then just let them would fall off the radar, why fight it and waste energy on someone who is not interested in you?. I don’t think it is a ‘cowardly’ approach, you don’t seem like you are taking this too well, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to meet you and ‘spell’ it out the obvious either. I’d be hoping you got the not unsubtle message. Everything does not need to be spelled out like on Dawsons Creek or Greys Anatomy. Sorry if that seems harsh but lack of contact is all I would need to know the other person is not interested however I do realize not every one is the same.

Esoteric_

I don't see what contacting him again would possibly achieve. He's made it clear by his actions that he didn't want to see you or really talk to you anymore, and then he confirmed it through that final text.

Let it go, OP. Sure, it's shítty being dumped by text, but dumping you face to face doesn't change the fact that you've been dumped. He doesn't want to fix it, so meeting up to talk was obviously pointless to him.

Just delete his number and move on.

ManOfMystery

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

To be honest I am not sure why you need his lack of interest spelled out to you in person? I am really on the fence with this. I don’t honestly see much wrong with what he had done. He has been showing you for a while with his actions that he is not interested. Why can’t you accept this and let it fizzle out without any drama. He has told you he wants to end things why would you want to ‘see how he likes being ignored’? Of course you should not suggest meeting up, just move on and be happy. I am not sure why people need to be told where they stand. If someone is making excuses or not even responding to you, you really don’t stand anywhere.

Honestly if someone is taking that little interest in you then just let them would fall off the radar, why fight it and waste energy on someone who is not interested in you?. I don’t think it is a ‘cowardly’ approach, you don’t seem like you are taking this too well, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to meet you and ‘spell’ it out the obvious either. I’d be hoping you got the not unsubtle message. Everything does not need to be spelled out like on Dawsons Creek or Greys Anatomy. Sorry if that seems harsh but lack of contact is all I would need to know the other person is not interested however I do realize not every one is the same.

I think this is terrible advice to be honest. If everyone in a relationship (be it a marriage, a long term thing, a short term thing, or whatever) just let things slowly drift away when one partner appears to start losing interest then there wouldn't be many successful relationships at all.

The OP would like some closure. And also a little respect. I think she's been pretty patient with the whole situation already, and certainly taking it a lot better than some people would.

When 2 people are friends at first and this then turns into a relationship, you would hope that they would have enough mutual respect for each other that if one of them should suddenly start losing heart in the relationship, he or she can actually tell the other person how they're feeling and be honest. To slowly cut off communication with your partner and then end things without ever having a conversation face to face about it - or even a simple phone call - is hugely disrespectful, and basically implies that he thinks he can just erase you from his life with a minimum of effort. It's also extremely immature.

I'm not saying the OP should seek drama or confrontation. But she deserved at least one conversation to put forth her thoughts on things. What she got instead was her ex making the decision to end things for both of them and not really giving her an opportunity to have any input to that at all.

OP, I wouldn't reply to that text. Ring him instead. You deserve at least one final conversation and to have your say in the end of this relationship also. After that, let things go and don't call him or text him again.

BraziliaNZ

I don't see the problem in what the guy did. People dump by text these days, they do everything by text, and this doesn't sound like it was much of a relationship anyway. They used to have Dear Johns, now it's SMS.
Sorry for your woes OP but you should forget about it, he was never interested anyway.

KKkitty

Just move on and don't reply to his text. I know it was extremely cowardly out of him but as he said himself you deserve better.

Meauldsegosha

I have to agree with the other posters, I wouldn't be bothered sending him a text. You know he won't reply do why frustrate yourself further.

daisybelle2008

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I think this is terrible advice to be honest. If everyone in a relationship (be it a marriage, a long term thing, a short term thing, or whatever) just let things slowly drift away when one partner appears to start losing interest then there wouldn't be many successful relationships at all. .

He told her he didn't want to see her anymore and they should end things.
Not accepting that is not going to suddeenly make this relationship successful.

[/QUOTE]The OP would like some closure. And also a little respect. I think she's been pretty patient with the whole situation already, and certainly taking it a lot better than some people would. .[/QUOTE]

Closure is the point at which you accept the relationship is over in your head. It doesn't require the other person to tell you that. What is he supposed to do put a notice in The Times? They were only seeing each other a matter of weeks (a few months) the last few weeks he was making excuses not to meet up and not responding and has told her he wants to end it. That is not lack of 'closure'. That is an awful lot of closure for anyone who has a bit of self awareness.

[/QUOTE] I'm not saying the OP should seek drama or confrontation. But she deserved at least one conversation to put forth her thoughts on things. What she got instead was her ex making the decision to end things for both of them and not really giving her an opportunity to have any input to that at all.

OP, I wouldn't reply to that text. Ring him instead. You deserve at least one final conversation and to have your say in the end of this relationship also. After that, let things go and don't call him or text him again.[/QUOTE]

She got her converstation, he told her he wants to end it. Just because she is not happy about it and it is not what she wants to hear doesn't mean it will be any more digestable by carrier pidgeon, on the 9 o clock news, in the form of dance. The problem is not that she needs 'closure', it is she is not happy that he doesn't want to see her anymore and wants to try change his mind or make him feel a little sh*tty about it. Her ego is bruised...all this 'closure' business is a red herring.

LegacyUser

hi there,

Ugh ridiculous. I also got dumped by text. I text back and regretted it. at first i was really understanding with a nice reply. then i asked if we could meet up to talk. no can do.

i think a person who breaks up over text is a spineless, immature gombeen, they could at least phone.

anyway I regret that i had text back in first place, or wished that i had sent a nonchalant reply like 'okay'.

Listen, dont worry, he is not worth the worry, dont reply and delete his number and forget about him. better people out there.

LegacyUser

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

To be honest I am not sure why you need his lack of interest spelled out to you in person? I am really on the fence with this. I don’t honestly see much wrong with what he had done. He has been showing you for a while with his actions that he is not interested. Why can’t you accept this and let it fizzle out without any drama. He has told you he wants to end things why would you want to ‘see how he likes being ignored’? Of course you should not suggest meeting up, just move on and be happy. I am not sure why people need to be told where they stand. If someone is making excuses or not even responding to you, you really don’t stand anywhere.

Honestly if someone is taking that little interest in you then just let them would fall off the radar, why fight it and waste energy on someone who is not interested in you?. I don’t think it is a ‘cowardly’ approach, you don’t seem like you are taking this too well, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to meet you and ‘spell’ it out the obvious either. I’d be hoping you got the not unsubtle message. Everything does not need to be spelled out like on Dawsons Creek or Greys Anatomy. Sorry if that seems harsh but lack of contact is all I would need to know the other person is not interested however I do realize not every one is the same.

Very well said. I was going to say what daisybelle has written. At this stage, I don't think he cares if you are going reply or ignore him. He is very clear that he doesn't want to talk anymore. Don't waste your energy and time. It's another lesson to learn. Keep your dignity and move on is all you need to do now.

LegacyUser

the last guy i was seeing used the excuse "my head is all over the place" and we called it off and then got back together and i got the same excuse.... my advice ignore him or it will lead to much more hurt and upset for you in the future..
it will hurt you'll be annoyed but as someone who went back to it... its just not worth it, if he was interested he would work through whatever had his head all over the place.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

Daisybelle I get the impression that you have a different perspective on the subject but I would appreciate if you didn't make judgements on my ego or how long we were together (a few months perhaps but it is not the amount of time, it is the feelings developed during that time) Also I am beginning to accept it, I simply asked for advice on whether or not to respond....as I mentioned I have considered not replying at all but just wanted to hear other opinions.

The problem is not that he ended things, its the manner of how he did it .... ignoring me and then sending a casual text with a self-made decision disregarding my views on it. Combined with our friendship prior to this I deem this as a cowardly act.

newuser30

OP please dont reply!! Keep a smidgen of dignity! He couldn't be less interested in you. After all he has done to ignore you and then you reply to a message like that?? Leave him hangin, he wont care but you will feel better!

IrishEyes19

I wouldn't reply either. But if you really feel you must. I'd hold my dignity and just say something along the lines of "ya, to be honest. It wasn't working for me either, gluck.

Just keep it casual and non dramatic. And move on then.

Rebecca00

Definately very cowardly to dump somebody by text, in particular if the OP has not done anything to upset him, if he just lost interest. It seems like a major lack of respect. I would respect him as little as he is respecting you and just not reply.
I can see what some posters mean when they say that we should be able to take a cue from the signs and all that, and that is easy once you have been through this a few times, id imagine, but if you have never been treated like this before you genuinely wouldnt get it. I have reently been treated just like this myself for the first time, and i didnt have a clue what he was playing at, but on a positive note i now know the signs to look out for and wont let it get to that again with anyone else..
He may very well change his mind in a few weeks or months, but i wouldnt entertain him then either tbh, you definitely deserve better than that behaviour.

CommanderC

If I were you OP, I would have just sent a text back saying, that's cool and thanks for texting to let me know what the story was.

To be honest, I don't see why he didn't just text you in the first place to say, its not working out, lets end it. All this messing about, ignoring texts etc, its just so pointless and you sound very reasonable, so I'm sure you yourself would rather have known sooner than later where you stood.


But alas some people are just like that. Chin up

Weebuns12

Ignoring is the way to go-keep your dignity. At least console yourself that it had only been a few months. I got dumped by text after FIVE YEARS, and we were living together at the time.
But whether its been five months or five years, it's an awful, cowardly thing to do, and should tell you all you need to know about that that person is actually like.

dixiefly

Weebuns12 wrote: »

Ignoring is the way to go-keep your dignity. At least console yourself that it had only been a few months. I got dumped by text after FIVE YEARS, and we were living together at the time.
But whether its been five months or five years, it's an awful, cowardly thing to do, and should tell you all you need to know about that that person is actually like.

To dump by text after 5 years and after living together is beyond disgraceful and I have to say that guy (assuming its a guy) doesn't deserve to be taken seriously in any relationship.

To the OP, I would commiserate with you. If you were going to send a text in response to him then you should have sent it pretty quickly for effect. At this stage I think you should just ignore him but that won't make it easier on you.

Also, I don't think he is representative of most men, most of us have more class than that (at least the ones I know).

LegacyUser

Yep I'm going opt for retaining some dignity by hanging back on a reply rather than telling him how much of a coward he is (much as I would like to, I'd be wasting my breath at this stage) and I think if I were to text him now I'd be set back a few steps whereas I'm moving forward already after cutting contact since he sent the message.

That's really awful Weebuns12

Katgurl

Yeah it's ****ty and cowardly behaviour on his part OP and I wouldn't be too keen to pick up that friendship in the near future either. He tried to give you message by being distant then when you weren't letting him away with that he sent the text. It's really poor form from him.

However one thing I always try remember is that we are not responsible for anyone else's behaviour so basically his bad manners are his problem. All you can do now is thank god you're not more involved than you are now and move on.

I will say this though. While he has acted like a prick take a lesson from it - a bloke acting like he isn't interested probably isn't interested. Meeting him to sort it out, pushing for a conversatiOn, striking up text communication won't change the fact that he's not interested. And also when you don't know what to say, the best thing you can do is say nothing.

If I were you I would leave it and if you do run into him (I presume you have mutual friends) say very calmly and non-aggressively "it was a shame things ended how they did, I thought the text message was very bad manners but it's in the past and can't be changed now I suppose" then smile and make your excuses.

But really as I said already, it's obvious from his behaviour he's not interested anymore and there is nothing you can do to change that. Personally when he started cancelling on me I would have let him drift away.

Kimia

You have said 'self-made decision' a few times. I don't know what you mean by this? If he doesn't want to be with you he doesn't have to consider how you feel about that, he can just decide not to be with you. Sorry for being harsh.

I have been there, I'm sure a lot of us have. Gather your dignity and move on. I wonder what you would have said if he had done it face to face?

ash23

He's a wimp OP. He could have had the decency to say it to your face. However, you need to accept that usually when being dumped, one doesn't have a say-so in the matter. He wanted things to end. Unfortunately he doesn't care what you want when it gets to that point.
That's just how it is. When you are the dumpee you have no control over the situation other than your reaction.

Don't reply. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of texting back "ok thanks for letting me know" but equally I wouldn't text him back saying "you dirtbag, you should have told me face to face" so imo, best thing to do is nothing.

Delete his number and move on. He's not worthy of your time or thoughts.

sullies

He didn't respect you enough to tell you in person therefore l wouldn't bother wasting your energy on even acknowledging him at all. He has proved that it certainly isn't worth your time.

Weebuns12

OP1 wrote: »

Yep I'm going opt for retaining some dignity by hanging back on a reply rather than telling him how much of a coward he is (much as I would like to, I'd be wasting my breath at this stage) and I think if I were to text him now I'd be set back a few steps whereas I'm moving forward already after cutting contact since he sent the message.

That's really awful Weebuns12

It's been tough, but 5 months on, and the one thing I am glad about is that I didn't stoop to his level by engaging in some discussion by text. Talk about it to other people, imagine what you would say in your head, but do not contact him.

ilovesleep

There could be many reasons why someone could go cold and distant in a relationship like maybe:
- there are family problems at home.
- problems or extra demands at work or college leading to extra pressure and stress.
- financial problems.
- health problems.

To turn around and use it as a tactic for dumping someone especially when its accompanied with a headfcuk of being nice but disappointing the other in his actions with excuses, is god damn nasty, mean, bad, disgusting and cowardly amongst many more bad things I can think of. As if the OP is supposed to be telepathic and is to know what his true intentions are. Why can't they be open and honest from the start when they felt the relationship was dead or over instead of p1ssing about with disappointments and excuses.

Count your blessings OP that you got a message to tell you that things are over. You know where you stand and can move on instead of him continuing to fcuk you about the place. And for the love of god don't contact the pr1ck.

curlzy

You had a lucky escape there OP. He sounds childish, hurtful, cowardly, untrustworthy, flakey and a pr*ck. You're way better off pet. He wasn't good enough for you and you'll find way better than him.

Glad you didn't text him back as he doesn't deserve an acknowledgement.

Onwards and upwards from here, best of luck.