The Suitcase (Adult Content)

LegacyUser

I'm not sure if the content so I went anon for mods approval.

I'm just looking for any feedback on this scene. It's not really part of a bigger story (at the moment) but it's the first thing I've written that I'm fairly happy with. I don't want to say too much and skew any criticisms, so just let me have it.


“Did you ever read trainspotting?”

“No but I saw the film. Quality film.”

“Aye but it doesn’t help with my point.”

“Well then just tell your point instead of asking ****ing questions.”

“Right so. Well the book is written in ‘Scottish’. The whole thing is written in Scottish pronunciations and if you read it aloud then you sound Scottish. Do you get me?”

“Yeah.”

“So most of it makes sense especially if you read it aloud. Except he uses the word ‘ken’ as know and I don’t have a clue how it makes to make sense. “

“Maybe it’s not know then. Sounds like it could be can?”

“Nah. that was my first thought but from the context it can only be know. Although it’s been a while since I read it so I could have it ass-backwards.”

“Right well we’ll accept it for now. What’s your point?”

“I don’t really have one. I was hoping for a second opinion but you haven’t read the book so you’re no good to me.”

“You ****ing mong.”

“Ah here now don’t be harsh, you don’t know what it’s like. It’s a complete mind****.”

“Maybe that’s the point of it. From the film I imagine there’s some freaky **** going on. Maybe the word is there as a mind****. It’s to keep breaking the flow so that you’re constantly paying attention and thinking about what you’re reading.”

“Go on.”

“It’s like when you **** a girl in the ass. It’s been good and you both know it. So you pull it out and you make her suck it clean. That’s your ‘ken’ right there. That’s a mind****”

“What the **** kind of literary point is this?”

“I think it works, you ken? She’s sucking your ****ty cock. She knows it and you know it. But she’s just thinking about the awesome pounding she just got because the ****ty cock is something that she doesn’t want to think about. It stops her from forgetting about the awesome sex.”

“Makes sense but I still don’t see the connection.”

“Well the word stops you from getting too settled into a flow. Stops you getting into a reading pattern where you start skipping bits or missing the small details.”

“Okay maybe it works but how many girls are going around with ****ty asses?”

“It’s not obvious but there’s always **** up the ass. It’s packed up there. How do you think those colonic places stay open?”

“Sweeny you are one twisted mother****er.I talk literature and you turn it into anal and colonics. Why do I even bother with you?”

“Cause I am the ****!”

“Pun intended?…”
There was a knock at the door as the two fell about the floor hysterical with laughter. They were so busy with their comic genius that they didn’t hear it at first. It turned into a pounding after a minute or so.

“Answer the door Sweeny. Let the man in.”

The man was a drug dealer. He walked into the room and shrugged out of a long dark overcoat. He placed his briefcase on the table with great ceremony and entered a code. It popped open with a click and he gently lifted the lid. Inside it looked like a pharmaceutical sample case. The pill slots were arranged in the shape of the periodic table, minus those strange elements that no one includes in the table anyway.

“Gentlemen shall we do business. My latest batches are the best you’ll ever try. On the left we have the alkali group. These are the uppers. At left most is the most extreme form, these things will lift you up and keep you going for days. If you only end up dancing on the ceiling then you’ll be lucky. As you go in towards the centre they get a little mellower. This is not to say that the drugs are any weaker, just a little different. From the center to the right we approach the nobles. At the most extreme you’ll simply sit down and that will be your night. Moving will not be an option. Any thoughts?”

“Alkali? Noble? Where do get these names man?”

“Sweeny you undereducated twerp. Those are the names of groups on the periodic table hence the shape of the man’s case. Am I right?” Roldan nodded towards the man.

“Indeed you are. The alkali group includes some of the most reactive elements on earth and the noble gasses are the most unreactive elements hence their classifications. My dream is to someday have a different pill for every element. The reaction would be based on the element. Ahh, someday but that is not today.”

“It is good to have dreams but for today we wish to purchase some drugs. We’ll go with some of the extreme uppers and some of the middleish downers.”

The man delicately picked a small quantity of pills from various containers and laid them on the table. In the same movement he palmed the cash that had been there.

“An excellent choice. Be sure to remember me to your friends. Adieu gentlemen.”

With that he picked up his coat and swept from the room.

“Why do we buy from that self-important ****ing prig?”

“Because he is undoubtably the very best. Bottom’s up!”