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16 year old son hasnt had a girlfriend

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  • 11-11-2012 9:43pm
    #1
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 769 ✭✭✭


    My 16 y.o son hasnt had a girlfriend yet is this normal ??


«1

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,447 ✭✭✭richymcdermott


    Yes..


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Things happen for kids at all different ages.


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,302 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    OP, imaging a thread that started:

    OK, so I'm 16. I'm perfectly normal in every way. Doing ok at school. Lots of friends. Not in a relationship, but I'm just not really interested. Prefer to hang out with my mates. My parents seem to be hung up on this one fact though. No girlfriend. I mean, I have friends who are girls. I just don't have one who's particularly special. If I meet somebody maybe this'll change. Why do you think my folks are so stuck on this girlfriend thing?

    How would you respond?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Twoandahalfmen


    endacl wrote: »
    OP, imaging a thread that started:

    OK, so I'm 16. I'm perfectly normal in every way. Doing ok at school. Lots of friends. Not in a relationship, but I'm just not really interested. Prefer to hang out with my mates. My parents seem to be hung up on this one fact though. No girlfriend. I mean, I have friends who are girls. I just don't have one who's particularly special. If I meet somebody maybe this'll change. Why do you think my folks are so stuck on this girlfriend thing?

    How would you respond?

    He dosnt go out with his friends really either


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,302 ✭✭✭✭endacl



    He dosnt go out with his friends really either
    Ah, there's a different issue...

    How does he seem in himself generally? How is he with you an your OH? Has this changed at all? 16 is difficult for everybody.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,072 ✭✭✭Max Power


    Maybe he's gay?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Twoandahalfmen


    endacl wrote: »
    Ah, there's a different issue...

    How does he seem in himself generally? How is he with you an your OH? Has this changed at all? 16 is difficult for everybody.



    hes grand has a great relationship with us he has friends we know that he just dosnt go out with them


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    Maybe he just has not told you about them?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Twoandahalfmen


    Moonbeam wrote: »
    Maybe he just has not told you about them?

    about what ?


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,302 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Maybe he's gay?
    That's helpful.

    And irrelevant. Maybe he's not.

    What is FionnMacCool telling the forum?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 22,302 ✭✭✭✭endacl





    hes grand has a great relationship with us he has friends we know that he just dosnt go out with them
    Good stuff. Have you spoken to him about it? I mean, all you'll get here from us is opinion and conjecture. And the odd smartarse comment of course...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,528 ✭✭✭jubella


    I had never had a boyfriend until I was 17, and I consider myself fairly normal. Maybe he's a bit of a shy guy? He's only 16, he'll come into himself eventually, just don't push him.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,623 ✭✭✭TheBody


    I'd leave him alone. He has plenty of time to be worried about things like girlfriends.


  • Site Banned Posts: 957 ✭✭✭leeomurchu


    to be honest a 16 year old lad isn't gonna tell you anything about what he's up to for all you know he's smoking pot in the shed and mixing it up with prostitutes at the weekend. Most likely not but my point is he sounds like a perfectly normal kid perhaps he's quiet and maybe his mate are getting into drugs an he's not interested.

    There's a million and one different personalities out there if you trust him to come to you if he has any problems then you've little to nothing to be worried about.


  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    i didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17/18 and wasn't bothered


  • Registered Users Posts: 22,302 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    leeomurchu wrote: »
    to be honest a 16 year old lad isn't gonna tell you anything about what he's up to for all you know he's smoking pot in the shed and mixing it up with prostitutes at the weekend. Most likely not but my point is he sounds like a perfectly normal kid perhaps he's quiet and maybe his mate are getting into drugs an he's not interested.

    There's a million and one different personalities out there if you trust him to come to you if he has any problems then you've little to nothing to be worried about.
    This is true, but it never does any harm to talk to teenagers. Even just to put your mind at ease. And to let the teenager know your open and available to talking. I think OP has to trust his instincts. If he's concerned about 'something', he's entirely correct to address it. May be nothing, but talking is always good in families.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,221 ✭✭✭A_Sober_Paddy


    My 16 y.o son hasnt had a girlfriend yet is this normal ??

    I'm 24 and never really had a girlfriend...


  • Site Banned Posts: 957 ✭✭✭leeomurchu


    endacl wrote: »
    This is true, but it never does any harm to talk to teenagers. Even just to put your mind at ease. And to let the teenager know your open and available to talking. I think OP has to trust his instincts. If he's concerned about 'something', he's entirely correct to address it. May be nothing, but talking is always good in families.

    Couldn't agree more. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 49,731 ✭✭✭✭coolhull


    I didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 18. Now I'm 58, with seven grown-up kids and 13 grandchildren. Believe me, in a couple of years you'll look back and wonder why you were ever worried.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,220 ✭✭✭Davaeo09


    To be honest with you, being some one who had a few girl friends before I was 16, at that age there isn't much to it. Most people don't really apprieciate a true bond I find until they are in there later teens. You'll find allot of the time a "couple" are just meeting...

    I wouldn't get too hung about it as a parent.

    As far as the friends go, is he into his gaming or some thing or does he just not like to go out much?

    I know this is rich coming from a twenty three year old over boards but try and be a little bit more relaxed about the issue in yourself as a parent.
    I know I certainly took on allot of what was said to me in regard to relationships when I was younger, maybe it's a teen thing but some times it can hurt and he might be taking it to heart and adding a little pressure ;)

    If you do want to be encouraging, which I can see you are just by posting here, try get him involved in some group activities and he might meet some one special because love doesn't come knocking on your door :D


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 84 ✭✭SPQRI


    Maybe he's gay?

    That's the answer to everything!! Another plank!


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,992 ✭✭✭✭partyatmygaff


    Big question. Have you even talked to him about any of this? No need to jump the gun and make out that something's wrong or strange about him.

    I mean, not being in a relationship at 16 isn't just normal, it's probably par for the course for the vast majority of people. As for not going out with his friends... "going out" in some groups is synonymous for "getting pissed for a few hours and forgetting all about it the next day while nursing a hangover" and that just mightn't be his thing.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,867 ✭✭✭Tonyandthewhale


    Maybe he has a girlfriend and he hasn't told you.

    Maybe he isn't interested in having a relationship or just hasn't found anyone special.

    Maybe he likes playing the field so doesn't like the idea of having a girlfriend.

    Maybe he's gay (although I don't think not having a girlfriend by the age of 16 is a particularly indicator of this, I've known a few gay guys who were real ladies men before they came out).

    Maybe he's just shy, no harm in that.

    Lot's of things that could be going on here OP, none of them particularly worrying in and of themselves.


  • Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Janey_Mac


    When I was sixteen I hadn't had a boyfriend, had never kissed a guy (I hated the thought of "meeting" some random guy I'd just met) and wasn't into the only "going out" experiences that seemed to count as "going out": getting drunk in a field or going to a pub or club that wasn't fussy about checking ID that played music I hated and getting drunk there.

    I had a small group of close friends and we would spend the night in each other's houses, go to the cinema, spend summer holiday days at the beach, have those intense teenage discussions about the meaning of life or Buffy the Vampire Slayer or whether we believed in God or how annoying our parents were.

    Sure, we all sometimes wished we had boyfriends, but there was a combination of not wanting to be just like everyone else and not feeling like we'd fit in if we tried that kept us from the get-drunk-and-shift-someone that makes up a lot of teenage love lives.

    Oh, and in case you're wondering: I was never a teetotaller, just didn't like getting drunk and still prefer to stop at tipsy; first kiss/first boyfriend at nineteen in college; still hate nightclubs and discos; and I'm still up for intense discussions on Buffy the Vampire Slayer sometimes ;)

    Most I know who didn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend in secondary school might have felt they were missing out a bit at the time but there are loads of us late bloomers and most grow up to live full and happy lives.

    If your son isn't isolated or unhappy, then, while he might feel like he'd like one sometimes, he's not likely to be scarred by not having a girlfriend.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    My 16 y.o son hasnt had a girlfriend yet is this normal ??

    YES.

    Relax. Let him be. He will find his own path ... in his own time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭Media999


    My 16 y.o son hasnt had a girlfriend yet is this normal ??

    How may fellas did you have before you where 16?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Twoandahalfmen


    Media999 wrote: »
    How may fellas did you have before you where 16?

    2


  • Posts: 3,505 [Deleted User]


    endacl wrote: »
    If he's concerned about 'something', he's entirely correct to address it.

    I'd disagree I was almost 16 by the time I first kissed someone, and while I was perfectly fine with that, if my parents had been asking me why I didn't have a boyfriend yet it would have made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

    OP there are many explanations for why your son hasn't had a girlfriend. I would say it's more normal not to have one at that age than the other way round. He could just not be interested yet. He could just have bad luck with girls. He could be gay. He could have had loads of girlfriends but none of them serious enough to mention. He could have a serious girlfriend that he just doesn't want to mention.

    Or he could be at a stage where he's still awkward about these things and life in general and the last thing he needs is his parents worrying about his lack of obvious sex life.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,435 ✭✭✭areyawell


    Just hire him a couple of escorts for him next week. He'll be grand! Buy him 2 or three at the same time. Always better than one!


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 543 ✭✭✭Neewbie_noob


    My 16 y.o son hasnt had a girlfriend yet is this normal ??

    I was 17 before I kissed a girl, cop on. Your son is fine. (I'm 21 now and have an amazing beautiful girlfriend).


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