He ignored my graduation

LegacyUser

It was my Graduation yesterday and my boyfriend of 6 months didn't even aknowledge it. I am a single mother and it was a huge achievement for me to do well in my course and graduate. I didn't expect him to come to the ceremony but he didn't text or call to say congrats or anything. I didn't let it spoil my my day but I was a bit put out by it.

I know he has exams next week so he is busy studying. I text him earlier and basically he said he has a lot to do for Thursday. I asked if he wanted me to wait till then to text him and he jumped at the offer, which kind of upset me as well.

I can't talk to him untill Thursday.
He hasn't text or called me since monday.
He hasn't had time to see me at all in a week and even that was just a rushed coffee.
He ignored my Graduation.

Am I right to be upset or am I just nit picking?

sffc

username2000 wrote: »

It was my Graduation yesterday and my boyfriend of 6 months didn't even aknowledge it. I am a single mother and it was a huge achievement for me to do well in my course and graduate. I didn't expect him to come to the ceremony but he didn't text or call to say congrats or anything. I didn't let it spoil my my day but I was a bit put out by it.

I know he has exams next week so he is busy studying. I text him earlier and basically he said he has a lot to do for Thursday. I asked if he wanted me to wait till then to text him and he jumped at the offer, which kind of upset me as well.

I can't talk to him untill Thursday.
He hasn't text or called me since monday.
He hasn't had time to see me at all in a week and even that was just a rushed coffee.
He ignored my Graduation.

Am I right to be upset or am I just nit picking?

Sounds like he's just not bothered ... sorry. My advice? Do nothing ... absolutely nothing. Do NOT call him. See does he call you. If he does ... ( and it is an if) say NOTHING about his exams and wait for him to complain. Calmly point out his double standards and see does he change. Well done on graduating by the way. Not easy as a single mum. You should feel proud and frankly he should be proud of you!

LegacyUser

Congratulations! I am sorry to hear that your BF didn't acknowledge your graduation, it is pretty insensitive. However Graduation aside, if he has exams that he is worried/ stressed about he may be doing the right thing in asking for head space to study. My BF is doing some professional exams at the moment while also working, he is under serious pressure and his behavior becomes a bit erratic in the last few weeks before an exam because he is stressed! I actually prefer to not talk to him too much at this time because he is just totally distracted and i end up feeling hurt!
But I know he'll be back to himself in 2 weeks! Phew!

Your BF may be trying to do the same thing, save rows and just get through exams? Is there any chance he may be worried about the exam? If its work related it may be worse again! I mean he has been clear in saying "he has a lot to do for Thursday."
There is also the other view that if you do start hassling him now, and he fails the exam... Resentment may set in so I think your taking the right approach to leave him at it!
Anyway, my advice would be give him the benefit of the doubt, don't take the not wanting to talk personally, leave him until Thursday, send him a goodnight text in the mean time (not asking for a chat, just being supportive) and if he goes back to normal after the exam, ask him about the Graduation issue then.
People deal with stress/ pressure differently and some people do just need head space...

Hope it all works out for you!

Stavro Mueller

Firstly, congratulations on your graduation. Don't let your boyfriend's behaviour take away from your achievement. I hope the rest of your family cares and are very proud of you.

As for your boyfriend, my take on it is that he's not as invested in the relationship as you are. His behaviour looks like that of someone trying to phase someone out of their life. I don't believe that anybody is ever too busy to take a few moments out of their life to send a text. Or even make a quick phone call. Saying you've no time is the oldest excuse in the book in my opinion. His ignoring of your graduation is just an affirmation of how much he cares I'm afraid.

dellas1979

Well done to you!!!

Doesnt sound good with him Im afraid........you need to make a decision. If he is not fulfilling your expectations, you need to tell him why, and then make the decision. Think about yourself and what you need. At the moment, you are justing thinking about him, and how nice of you, but being nice about things like this only lets him walk all over you. He is not more important than you, which is the message you are sending him at the moment, and his achievements/exams should not be as important as your own. Dont let him take that away from you!

LegacyUser

Sortofsame wrote: »

Congratulations! I am sorry to hear that your BF didn't acknowledge your graduation, it is pretty insensitive. However Graduation aside, if he has exams that he is worried/ stressed about he may be doing the right thing in asking for head space to study. My BF is doing some professional exams at the moment while also working, he is under serious pressure and his behavior becomes a bit erratic in the last few weeks before an exam because he is stressed! I actually prefer to not talk to him too much at this time because he is just totally distracted and i end up feeling hurt!
But I know he'll be back to himself in 2 weeks! Phew!

Your BF may be trying to do the same thing, save rows and just get through exams? Is there any chance he may be worried about the exam? If its work related it may be worse again! I mean he has been clear in saying "he has a lot to do for Thursday."
There is also the other view that if you do start hassling him now, and he fails the exam... Resentment may set in so I think your taking the right approach to leave him at it!
Anyway, my advice would be give him the benefit of the doubt, don't take the not wanting to talk personally, leave him until Thursday, send him a goodnight text in the mean time (not asking for a chat, just being supportive) and if he goes back to normal after the exam, ask him about the Graduation issue then.
People deal with stress/ pressure differently and some people do just need head space...

Hope it all works out for you!

Hi, OP here again.
These exams are only first year in college class exams. He went back to college this year a a mature student. Obviously they are important and I wouldn't like to distract him.
What I can't understand is that if he was so stressed about them, then why did he take a whole day and night off college and study to go to a concert last week?
Can't be as important as he is making it out to be.

I don't think he ignored the Graduation deliberatly but he tends to be so wraped up in himself and his college and friends that he seems to forget about me and the things that I'm doing. He only fits our relationship in around everything else he wants to do. He only sees me when he has nothing else to do and those times are rare.

RubyRoss

OP, you have strangers here congratulating you on an impressive achievement. Yet, your boyfriend didn’t see fit to even contact you about it. Exams or no, it doesn’t take much to send a message or call.

To get through a course as a single mother takes a lot of work, dedication, and smarts – with all this going for you, do you really need someone incapable of making even a tiny gesture?

dr gonzo

OP I went back as a mature student and if the people I cared about didnt even see fit to send me a text on my graduation then I would be upset and, perhaps more to the point, furious... and I didnt have children to be thinking of as well!

My sincerest congratulations to you, its a wonderful achievement and a wonderful feeling. I am disgusted on your behalf that your day was tainted (even though you tried not to let it be) by the indifference of your "partner".

As another poster said, lets see if he complains that you didnt text him about his exams when that time comes.

tinkerbell

username2000 wrote: »

I don't think he ignored the Graduation deliberatly but he tends to be so wraped up in himself and his college and friends that he seems to forget about me and the things that I'm doing. He only fits our relationship in around everything else he wants to do. He only sees me when he has nothing else to do and those times are rare.

Well OP, you already know why he ignored your grad then so why be surprised about it? If he only fits you in when he has nothing better to do, then why are you wasting time with this idiot? Dump him, move on and find someone who actually gives you some priority in their life. There's no point being with someone who sees you as less than a part-time gf, you're no more than a casual accquantance.

I'm sure as a single mother your spare time is limited, so use it wisely - don't just waste it on losers who don't care about you.

Eric Cartman

sffc wrote: »

Do nothing ... absolutely nothing. Do NOT call him. See does he call you. If he does ... ( and it is an if) say NOTHING about his exams and wait for him to complain.

Sorry to say but this is terrible advice, the auld 'stay quietly pissed off until he figures out what hes done wrong by himself' routine.

It doesnt work, talk to him about it and ask in a calm, non nagging way after his exams are finished, stress could have gotten to him, could be a lad whos just useless with dates and thinks its next week or something.

Well done on graduating, but dont just cold shoulder your boyfriend over what could be a very minor mixup.

Sorcha16

People who care about each other want to share significant life events together -he doesn't and therefore isn't worthy of either your time or interest

Roisy7

username2000 wrote: »

It was my Graduation yesterday and my boyfriend of 6 months didn't even aknowledge it. I am a single mother and it was a huge achievement for me to do well in my course and graduate. I didn't expect him to come to the ceremony but he didn't text or call to say congrats or anything. I didn't let it spoil my my day but I was a bit put out by it.

I know he has exams next week so he is busy studying. I text him earlier and basically he said he has a lot to do for Thursday. I asked if he wanted me to wait till then to text him and he jumped at the offer, which kind of upset me as well.

I can't talk to him untill Thursday.
He hasn't text or called me since monday.
He hasn't had time to see me at all in a week and even that was just a rushed coffee.
He ignored my Graduation.

Am I right to be upset or am I just nit picking?

OP what should have been a very happy event has been overshadowed by this eejit, and what a pity.

You have every right to be upset, and I hate to say it, it sounds like he doesn't care about you.

A few years back I was going out with a guy and the relationship was on the slide. He completely ignored my birthday. My mum had brought me for a girly day shopping and it was ruined by my checking my phone. Looking back I'm so annoyed that I put up with this kind of behaviour.

I know we often accuse men of not listening and being careless but this is a whole other level. He KNEW how much it meant to you. To not acknowledge it is just disrespectful.


Give him a chance to explain but tbh I think you deserve better.
Congrats on the graduation btw x

Roisy7

username2000 wrote: »

I don't think he ignored the Graduation deliberatly but he tends to be so wraped up in himself and his college and friends that he seems to forget about me and the things that I'm doing. He only fits our relationship in around everything else he wants to do. He only sees me when he has nothing else to do and those times are rare.

You deserve a lot better than this. There's having outside interests and then just seeing a person as an afterthought.

LegacyUser

Congrats on your graduation as I know you would have worked hard to get to this point as you have a child to bring up also.
I would understand if your boyfriend said to you I will met you after your graduation for a drink or a meal out or said I can stay with you for x period of time but to totally ignore for the day is mean.
If he had time to go to a concert last week he should have known that the decent thing to do is spend some time with you on your graduation day.
I would not ring or text him.
After his exams are over I am sure he will contact you to tell you all about his exams and so you can be there for him.
It is not about the expensive present or grand gestures but it is knowing that sometimes you have to be willing to make the effort to be there for your oh for things that are important to them like graduations, family events ect.
When he rings you I would meet up with him and tell him it over as you deserve someone who treats you with some respect.

JimmyCrackCorn

sffc wrote: »

Sounds like he's just not bothered ... sorry. My advice? Do nothing ... absolutely nothing. Do NOT call him. See does he call you. If he does ... ( and it is an if) say NOTHING about his exams and wait for him to complain. Calmly point out his double standards and see does he change. Well done on graduating by the way. Not easy as a single mum. You should feel proud and frankly he should be proud of you!

Or you could tell him straight instead of playing games.

sffc

JimmyCrackCorn wrote: »

Or you could tell him straight instead of playing games.

It's not playing games. I have serious doubts about how bothered this guy is . I think the OP needs to see just how long it will be before he phones her- if at all! She needs that clear demonstration of his lack of commitment because ignoring her graduation wasn't enough - she was still wondering was she "nitpicking " .
Being straight with him won't work. He'll say what she wants to hear to avoid confrontation. He'll promise the sun moon and stars but very quickly it'll be as was. [

squonk

OP, for some perspective. A friend of mine graduated from a course she really wanted to do recently. She certainly heard from me, and I'm just her friend.

Were it my OH I'd have gone much further because I'd have been proud of her. Also, even if he's studying it can be nice to have some contact with your OH, even just as support and even just to have a quick chat as a means of focusing on something as a break from study and something highly enjoyable (given that you're supposed to be going out with each other).

It doesn't sound good to me. I'd let him off and find somebody who deserves you OP.

Princess Peach

Makes me think if your current boyfriend is actually one of my ex boyfriends :pac:

He would often ignore important events. Such as if I had a test or a job interview I had told him about, he would never ask how they went. Often times if he was a in some weird mood he would ask for me not to contact him for a few days.

Looking back these were red flags I ignored and kept hoping he would change, but we broke up. And although its never easy to break up, it was a bad relationship and we were both better off.

I understand he is stressed about exams, but he should want to contact you for a little while each day, if being in this relationship really made him happy. I know that sounds harsh but its true! My ex wouldn't contact me when he was in a bad mood, but you should want to during hard times if you get me!

And he doesn't seem to care about you're life much either, which should always be important no matter what is going on in one's own life. I didn't see my ex very often even when we were together, and we lived very close to each other. He like your boyfriend was just wrapped up in his own life and I probably came low on his list of priorities.

You deserve someone who really cares about you and wants to be a full part of a mutual relationship

daisybelle2008

username2000 wrote: »

but he tends to be so wraped up in himself and his college and friends that he seems to forget about me and the things that I'm doing. He only fits our relationship in around everything else he wants to do. He only sees me when he has nothing else to do and those times are rare.

I hope I don't sound harsh I am not trying to be. Dellas made a point in her post that it ‘doesn’t sound like he is meeting your expectations’ but if what you say above is true I think your problem is you don’t have clear expectations or standards for treatment in a relationship.

This may be why you need to canvas opinion on this guy and can’t decide for yourself what is acceptable or not acceptable. If you don’t even know what your standards should be then maybe put aside relationships for a while as you are going to bring a lot of heartache to yourself by tolerating behaviour that you are unhappy about.

There is really one question you need to ask yourself. Why do YOU want to go out with someone who is not really bothered? Because the problem is if you set the bar as low as you do, if not him some other guy or some other guy.

If you are seeing him for only 6 months and he has been really busy and only fits you in rarely there is not really much invested, so no need to be over-investing emotionally yourself and your child, when you are not on the same page with what you want.

How long has this been an issue for you? Is it only lately you have noticed this?

Sleepy

Sounds like he's more of a **** Buddy than a boyfriend tbh OP.

If you don't want a part-time relationship, don't settle for one.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. well done on graduation

JustAThought

Four years if long hours + hard work - congratulations!!! Thats just fantastic!!" Well done you!!!

It looks like your new life is underway + its the start of new opportunities + beginnings .

You have doubts about your other half. He may have forgotten, he may be mOrtified + not know how to apologise, he may genuinely not have known or realised ( did you not invite him/ arrange for him to come to the celebration dinner after - maybe he thought he wasnt invited). Maybe he dosnt realise the huge significance of it ( like some guys + birthdays- or worse, valentine cards). Or maybe hes jealous, or not worth the effort. Only you really know.

Your new future is beginning full of new choices and opportunities.

Seize the day.

--LOS--

Just wondering did you invite your boyfriend to your graduation or to come along to the celebrations after? Maybe he was put out that he wasn't asked to come along. I know graduations can be big family occasions so if you were only together 6 months he mightn't have come of his own accord without you actually letting him know he was wanted there.