came fairly close to infidelity

LegacyUser

Going out with a girl for 19 months.

Three months in to the relationship i cheated on her with an ex from another country, told her and we moved on (that's a brief synopsis).

Last night I was out drinking and I sent a text to another ex I hadn't spoken to in almost a year, asked her how she was etc. She said she was watching *tv show name* at her house and I asked if I could join her, she said no problem. I didn't go there but instead immediately realised how ridiculously stupid I was being. It was genuinely intended as something innocent but I also know that I wouldn't have been thinking it if I wasn't looking for something else.

Rang my girlfriend today and told her what I did (I'm that kind of person, can't keep things bottled up). She is obviously and rightly upset and angry.

Just wanted to get it off my chest (again).

I'm not an entirely inconsiderate person, I love my girlfriend and I've done something very selfish and stupid, unfortunately it was something I only thought about after the damage was done.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, can you clarify what advice you are looking for? Personal Issues is a forum for advice, and not a "discussion" board, as such.

If you are looking for specific advice, please let us know. Otherwise we'll have to lock the thread.

Thanks,
Big Bag of Chips

Herrick

OP does all this stuff only happen when you have drink in? Have you ever done anything like this sober?

Do you love your girlfriend or do you feel there is something missing from your relationship?

LegacyUser

I love her.

It hasn't happened before.

I suppose I'm trying to get some reason or sense out of the situation really.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I don't know what your reason for telling her was. You half started something very silly, came to your senses and didn't follow through. Could you not have kept it to yourself, and try to figure out why you did it?

What did you want from telling her? To offload your own guilt? But in the process hurt her more than she needed to be?

I don't think you should have told her, to be honest. I'm sure people will come on and tell you that of course you need to be up front and honest with her, but we're not living in a soap opera. Things don't always have to be brought out in the open and talked about.

Nothing actually happened here. You should have given yourself a slap on the wrist, and vowed to yourself to appreciate what you have, and kept it to yourself.

We are all capable of making silly mistakes.. some our partners should know about.. some they don't need to.

But what's done is done... I just don't know what advice you want people to give you?

Herrick

suitable name wrote: »

I love her.

It hasn't happened before.

I suppose I'm trying to get some reason or sense out of the situation really.

Ok. You said you cheated on her early in the relationship, were you drinking then? Would you think maybe this stuff only happens when your drinking?

pastorbarrett

OP, there's most likely something amiss here, either with you or the relationship-perhaps both. Drink or the act of being drunk and committing these infidelities (which to my mind is what they amount to) seems only an excuse for exercising some degree of dissatisfaction-to be frank, I'd say sh*t or get off the pot. If you at all possibly can, objectively assess your relationship and consider the best way forward for both of you. This may or may not involve difficult decisions. Best of luck.

zxcvbnm1

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, I don't know what your reason for telling her was. You half started something very silly, came to your senses and didn't follow through. Could you not have kept it to yourself, and try to figure out why you did it?

What did you want from telling her? To offload your own guilt? But in the process hurt her more than she needed to be?

I don't think you should have told her, to be honest. I'm sure people will come on and tell you that of course you need to be up front and honest with her, but we're not living in a soap opera. Things don't always have to be brought out in the open and talked about.

Nothing actually happened here. You should have given yourself a slap on the wrist, and vowed to yourself to appreciate what you have, and kept it to yourself.

We are all capable of making silly mistakes.. some our partners should know about.. some they don't need to.

But what's done is done... I just don't know what advice you want people to give you?

I completely agree with the above. Why on earth did you tell her?
All it did was upset her. It's all well and good to say you have no secrets from her and all that - but there's also a time to keep things to yourself. And this was certainly one of them.

Nothing actually did happen. All you've done by telling her is put doubt in her head.

Presumably you only told her to rid yourself of some guilt. That was quite a selfish thing to do when in the process you basically just transferred bad feelings from you to your girlfriend.
It also seems to me that you are looking for some drama.
This whole event was basically a non- issue and should have remained as such.
By telling her you just created drama from nothing basically.

My advice is next time when you create a situation like this one, be man enough to deal with the consequences yourself instead of trying to offload it to a loved one.