advice on what to do next

darkangel1986

long story.....

met a guy few months ago was going out with someone at the time. broke up with guy and started "meeting" this guy keeping things casual as i am not ready for a relationship. this was going good acting very affectionate holding hands, cuddles etc and sending kisses at end of messages.....meeting up once sometimes twice a week even though he lived 45 mins away.

cut to my birthday where he came up for weekend...a guy kissed me in club while he was outside and think he got wind of it and was told not to mention anything bout it by friend of ours. he went outside when home and was onphone for ages thought nothing of it and went to bed...kinda acted bit weird. thought nothing more of it and he came up day after my bday with present and dumbass here mentions bout other guy but didnt give much away. this was nearly a month ago. then started acting bit weird no kisses after messages and came up following week saying he didnt want to get into relationship and if had prob with that we should end things there-i said no i didnt want relationship as i was just out of one and i gets bit weird when it comes to them. we agreed to meet other people.

he came up last sat which was fine and since then acted bit funny with messages. cue this eve where he text that we should end things at the moment the usual be friends etc and i said sure and asked for a reason. he said he wants to be able to go "shift and drift" other girls-i replied ya i thought that what we were doing all along that we could go off with other people?? he replies a ya but it doesnt feel right doing it when he meeting me. kinda makes no sense as i have no prob with him being with other people as i have been with others since and i like it that way. kinda thought there was nothing wrong with how things were???

just not sure now how to approach this as i wont see him for a while coz he only came up coz of me-just want to keep things way they are but no relationship!!! or best leave it???

fungun

i dont understand the bit about the guy in the club to be honest, not sure who couldnt mention it to who. But anyway....

sounds like he thought a bit more of you than just a 'shift and drift', and finds it hard to be like that with you...but he says he wants to shoft and drift. Bit of a mixed message but one thing that is clear is that he is saying he doesnt want that sort of a relationship with you.

P. Breathnach

I think he made things clear enough: he doesn't want the sort of relationship you want.

djimi

Sounds like a pretty messed up arrangement tbh. You wanted to keep things casual but by the way you describe it you were girlfriend and boyfriend (casual does not act as you were describing). You then get with someone else and he gets annoyed; shows that it was a bit more than casual to him. To me it sounds like what happened at your birthday gave him a bit of a wakeup call and he realised that you wanted something different from what he wanted, and that it was time for him to move on.

You cannot keep things as they were; you seem to want your cake and eat it with this fella which is not very fair on him. Either you are casual or you are not; you sound like you wanted the bf/gf thing without actually making a committment to him. Decide which way you want to play it and lay it down clearly for him. Either he is happy to go along with it or you both move on. Right now neither of you seem to know what you want or what the other wants.

ash23

I think you want a thing where you can shift him but think nothing of shifting other people in front of him because it's casual.

He thinks it's not ok to shift other girls in front of you. He doesn't want a relationship but he doesn't think it's ok for you to be with other guys when he has specifically come to visit you and go out with you because it's your birthday.

You both have different ideas of what is and isn't ok in a casual relationship and it's not working for him so he has ended it.

ibarelycare

You weren't in a relationship with him, you were hooking up but both free to hook up with other people. Fair enough. But then when he was out with you for your birthday, you kissed someone else? Do you not think that's completely disrespectful? I know you're arrangement was that you're not exclusive but you were kissing someone else while he was at the same club and presumably you were kissing him that night as well.

I'd be pretty pissed off with that tbh and he probably is as well. You both seem to want different things so I'd say just leave it.

Pippy1976

"Advice on what to do next"

As per your title, my advice is don't do anything next. The relationship is over and he clearly stated that.

To be honest, my head is wrecked from reading your post and I'm sure your head would be suitably wrecked after a while given the status of the 'relationship'.

Leave it be and move on. It wasn't serious anyway so what's the point in clinging on.

tinkerbell

Ah come on, OP, what did you expect? You invite the guy you're seeing out with you and then you go off and score someone else the minute he turns his back? Is it any surprise he no longer wants to see you. Chalk it up to experience and be more considerate in the future.