Meeting the ex's new fella

lonsdale91

Myself and herself split up about 2 years ago but since then have been on and off...we've kissed and spent the night together on a few occasions and have always felt a great connection and right for each other but just circumstances prevented us being together (for a while anyway). We split up knowing that things couldn't work at the time but I always had it in the back of my mind that in the future we would end up back together when the time was right.

I got fed up of waiting for our circumstances to change as I knew she was the only one I wanted to be with and I really wanted to get her back so I told her during the summer (thinking she would want this too and that she'd see how we could make it work if we really wanted). The worst part is that I told her this when we were already lying in my bed talking and cuddling.
Instead she told me how she had worked really hard at 'getting over me' recently and how she had met a new guy and had started seeing him. She told me about how she was so upset and heart broken when we had split up (even though it was a mutual decision...or so I understood at the time). She seems to blame me for the break up and made it her business to get over me. Now looking back I can kind of see how she might see it like that as when we talked about it I reckoned the break up would be a good idea as we didn't see enough of each other and were pretty young to be in such a serious relationship, but she never strongly objected to the breakup...she just went along with it....maybe because she thought thats what I wanted.

Anyway...I was devastated to hear about this new guy and kicked her out of the bed basically...we have had long emotional conversations since this but she reckons that she was so heart broken that she never wants to let herself be back in that position again where she could possibly have her heart broken by me again.
We have a mutual set of friends that meet up about once a month or so, and the last time we met in September I couldn't even bring myself to speak with her. She tried plenty of times to engage in conversation with me but I either ignored her or gave a short or snappy answer. I did text her a few days later to apologise for my apalling behaviour. I feel anger towards her for both not wanting our relationship to work, for leading me on before telling me about the new guy and I guess I'm pretty jealous too basically.

Again our mutual friends are meeting this weekend where we will both be there and this time she will be bringing her new boyfriend. I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they handled it or if anyone has any advice as to how I'm going to survive this weekend??? How can I stop myself from acting so badly again...or how can I get over her??? I can already feel the pain and bitterness starting to build up again thinking about seeing them at the weekend.

djimi

Your ex has been treating you like a mug Im sorry to say. She has not been trying all that hard to get over you if she was lying in bed with you while telling you all this...

The only way to get over here is to cut communication and put distance between you. Only you know if you can spend a night in the company of her and her new boyfriend, but if you suspect that it is something that you cannot deal with then you might be as well to give this night a miss. It might feel like she is "winning" or whatever, but you need to do what is best for you in the long run. No point starting an arguement or more hassle over it; either go and make every effort to avoid her, or dont go.

sessionone

Hi OP,

I've been there. It is not the most pleasant feeling seeing someone you care about with another person. And it's very awkward.

All I can say is that you need to be civilized. Shake his hand, introduce yourself, and afterwards keep your distance. If she comes to talk to you, be nice but don't go into any long and deep conversations with her. You can even tell her you're happy for her (it doesn't really matter that you aren't, it doesn't change the fact that she is not with you any more). If, as the evening progresses, you feel like crap, instead of having too much to drink and saying something stupid, just leave. Think of some "matter you need to attend to" and leave. It doesn't matter what others think, you have to look after yourself. Jealousy and anger will not get her back, so it's better to deal with these emotions on your own.

Good luck, OP, and be as cool as you possibly can.

msg11

As someone said if you think you can handle the situation then go, it might also reinforce the fact that what you had is over. Which way you take that is another thing and with drink in the mix, don't go insulting people and making your own mutual friends become divided with you over the ex.

At the night I wouldn't introduce yourself to her new boyfriend, let him to it and then keep your distance from her and him. Engage in your own activity on the night.

movingsucks

Well she's clearly mad about him if she was still sleeping with you!
Echo the above, cut the contact, stop being her "friend with benefit". She's not your girlfriend and she's not your friend.
I wouldn't make a big thing of greeting the new fella either. Let her introduce the guy she was still sleeping with when she was seeing him and see if she can keep a straight face.
She's been leading you both on by the sounds of it.

sullies

Cut ties and do not leave yourself in a position to be hurt. I've never heard of a woman trying to get over her ex by sleeping with him?! Doesn't make sense. It sounds like you are being played and you need to get your head and emotions straightened out. The only way to do this is to not be in her company.

Lorna123

I would not go to this event OP. I would not give her the satisfaction of lording it over you that she is with someone else and watching you to see how you are reacting. I just would not put myself in that position if I were you. I don't think you will be able to just go and pretend you don't care, you will have to wait until you actually don't care before you try this out. Either don't go or bring another girl with you too.

Neyite

Hmmm, trying to get over you by sleeping with you? Bit far fetched in my opinion, and I suspect it was thrown in to the conversation to distract you from the fact she was stringing you along until she saw where it was going with the new guy. And it worked.

Can one of your mutual friends be a wing-man of sorts for you on the night out? keeping you distracted or chatting so you dont look like the disgruntled ex glaring daggers from the corner to the happy couple?

Be careful to moderate your drink intake, remember she would probably love to goad you into making a scene, or being horrible to the new guy, so dont play into her hands. Let her introduce him to you, dont engage in long conversations with either of them and leave if it gets too much (a cousins 21st or something that you have to show your face at )

curlzy

OH the DRAMA! Come on OP, ye are both as bad as each other. Long emotional talks and still sleeping with each other when broken up. If you don't like the drama (but it sounds like you do) then just don't go to the meet up. If you do like the drama then why not escalate it? Invite a real hottie to the meet up, be nice and normal with her and her bf and be all over the hottie, she'll look like she's sucked a lemon. : ) Not trying to be bad here but I honestly think this is all your own doing. If you actually want to get over her and move on, then cutting contact and deleting is the only way to go.

Best of luck.

joydivision

You could throw caution to the wind op and when introduced to him blurt out you had the sex with her last week .
This will solve the jealousy problem but she 99 per cent wont speak to you again . Which wouldnt be a bad thing by all accounts . But you want her back .
You could hire an escort for the night which could lead to jealousy and yet pity when people realise shes an escort .
My honest advice to you though is stay classy be a gentleman and leave before you get hammered . It wont last long with yer man if she thinks so little of him to go sleeping about .

mood

What circumstances caused you to break up if you were so mad about each other?

lonsdale91

OP here,

Met up anyway briefly. I was just polite, said hello, shook his hand and said hello to her too (but avoided any physical contact!!!)

The lads went for a few drinks while the girls and new fella got ready and we headed on to the pub and by the time the girls got to the pub there was a massive queue so some of them came in and some ( including the ex and the new guy) went to another bar. Didn't see them for the rest of the night so happy days!!!

The next morning most of us went for breakfast but herself and himself were too hungover to join. I left after breakfast then to meet with another friend so that brief introduction the night before was all I saw of either of them.

Had a great weekend...thanks for all the advice!!!!

Neyite

ravima, your post was deleted because it did not offer any advice to the OP.

Neyite

OP, Glad to hear it all worked out for you. I'll close the thread now your issue is resolved.