Admitting there is a problem

LegacyUser

Hi, I had a big long message written but I just can't open up even to strangers. I admit I am feeling very down and constantly on edge, worrying about everything to the point I shake and am pretty sure I had my first panic attack. I need my life to change, on the outside it looks perfect and I am a very good actress but in private I am a mess. I have good friends and family but I don't want them to know. I know it is nothing to be ashamed about but I am embarrassed. How do I even begin to get help? If I went to a counsellor how does it work, as there is no reason for me to be like this if I say it out loud it sounds like a poor me act as I have never wanted for anything and have good people around me. I have a good boyfriend who I keep blowing off im afraid of what he will think of me. I'm a very private person I am on a contract in work and I'm ruining it all, if they even get a hint of me struggling there is no way I'd be kept on and my boss has already asked me am I ok a few times but I don't even notice that I am acting differently. I don't even know how I am feeling I just know its gone on too long and I want to go back to the way I was. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

looksee

Ask your GP to recommend a counsellor - there are lots of people who call themselves counsellors and not all are that well trained, your GP should be able to suggest someone. You don't have to go into a lot of detail with your GP if you don't want to, you could just say you feel very stressed and need someone to help you get some perspective back in your life, or you could tell him what you have said here and allow him to guide you with the next step.

A counsellor will just basically listen, ask the occasional question to help you clarify your thoughts, will be safe and non-judgmental and you can be sure will have heard it all before so nothing you say will sound strange to them!

Ickle Magoo

There's some good advice on getting the best counsellor/therapist for your needs linked to in our charter.

All the best OP.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for replying to me. I have been researching and am really hoping tO speak to somebody before the weekend if I can. I am having trouble understanding exactly what I need, I just want someone to talk through why I feel the way I do and may be able to help me get back on track but I don't really understand the difference between a councillor, therapist or psychologist, or of tHere even is a difference?

Ickle Magoo

You can google the varying definitions - there are also rough explanations included in the link above.

All the best.

emsie80

I feel your pain OP. Sometimes when we're left with our own thoughts, feelings, fears etc they can get out of control very quickly. Its very easy for all of the above to get jumbled up and we're left feeling utterly lost!! you need to speak to someone, a councellor, your family / boyfriend. It prob sounds like a cliche, but when you open up and talk to someone, it can feel like a great release

LegacyUser

Stress does funny things to us! Sometimes we don't even know we're stressed until something snaps and we're unable to function as we used to. Even people who have a relatively good life, like you say you do, can suffer from stress problems - you never know what's going on in someone's head, and sometimes we don't realise how our thought patterns are affecting our mental and physical health.

It sounds to me like things are getting on top of you, but you're not allowing yourself to accept any perceived weakness. But in denying yourself that it leads to a cycle of stress that won't end until you allow yourself to relax and heal. It's understandable that you have reached this point, but you need to be kinder to yourself. What would you say if a loved one came to you with the same problem? Treat yourself the same way

The counsellor is a great step, they will help you unravel what's going on in your head and guide you through it. The differences between them will be down to the type of training they've undertaken. Psychotherapy or cognitive behavioural therapy are often recommended for anxiety/panic attacks. A psychiatrist can prescribe medications, but psychologists/counsellors/therapists cannot. That's the main difference as far as I understand it. Really you're just looking for someone who can help you deal with anxiety, a psychotherapist is a good start, but any good counsellor or therapist will be able to help you.

In the mean time, to help you cope, you can learn about stress and the things you can do in your life to control it. The basics are good diet (limit stimulants like caffeine & sugar), exercise, good sleep, and daily relaxation methods like yoga, meditation, mindfullness or anything that will help you relax deeply like CDs for relaxation or breathing exercises. Give yourself time and space to really relax each day, it's incredibly important.

There are some great books that can help you learn a little more about your situation - there's a faily new one by an Irish doctor called Harry Barry called Flagging Stress, or one by Patrick Holford called Beat Stress and Fatigue. Or simply do a little Googling on stress and anxiety and you'll find plenty of information that will help you, alongside seeing the counsellor

Hope things get better for you soon x