Time for my BF to tell his wife he's moved on???

LegacyUser

I'm in a slightly awkward situation. I've gotten with a man in the last few months - and we are crazy about eachother - we moved in together pretty soon after we met (not something I did lightly but it felt so right and still does)

He was in the process of separarting from his wife when I met him, his mind was already made up about the end of that relationship and he has given me no reason to doubt that.

However, himself and the wife have broken up a good few times in the past and she seems to think that this is just another blip in the road. Although we haven't been particularly public or indeed secretive or anything she doesn't seem to have any idea that I exist. She's sending him messages begging him to come back followed by messages saying she's delighted he walked away and she's never been better, followed by messages apologising and saying she'd like to stay civil....I'm actually starting to feel bad for her and I know if it was me, I would want to know so I could move on - it would really bug me that I was allowed to go on sending those messages and I would suspect they were being shown to the new woman too.

It's awkward also because he feels like he needs to tell me when she contacts him, I try not to comment because it's none of my business but then he thinks I am upset about it, I'm not, I just don't know if not telling her when she probably will find out eventually anyway and letting her keep up this obsessive texting might just upset her more at the end of the day. Anyway, It just feels a little bit awkward so maybe someone can shed some light

Idle Passerby

Why hasn't he simply told her he's living with someone else now and he's moved on. That's what would make me suspicious.

ManOfMystery

As above .... he's with you now. He's living with you. YOU are his partner.

He needs to sit his wife down and make it 110% clear to her that their relationship is over and he's moved on. If she think this is just a 'blip in the road' for them, then it could be that she's buried her head in the sand but it could also be the case that your boyfriend has not done his utmost to clarify the situation to her.

Katy89

yes, as above, he doesn't seem to make it obvious to her he's with you. why not?
that would make me suspicious and uncomfortable: does he keep a backdoor open to her...


did you talk to him about it?

and did you move into his place or he into yours? if he moved into yours it might be you're just a handy stay until he decides to get back with his wife.

sorry for these blunt assumptions, but there's so much cr** out there and if people start posting here most of the times there's something severley wrong going on.

Mansized Wreath

He needs to sit down with his wife and tell her it's absolutely over and he's moved on. Why the hell he hasn't done this already is baffling frankly.

Pippy1976

Mansized Wreath wrote: »

Why the hell he hasn't done this already is baffling frankly.

Hmmm, one would wonder....

Starokan

Its beyond time he told her, out of respect for you and also for her. How can he not see that.

LegacyUser

Here are the questions that I would ask yourself now.
Did he move into your place when he split up with his wife?
- Is he using your home for it comforts without having to pay rent or by paying you a small
amount of money each week or month?
- Did he see you as a stop gap when he left his wife - some one to move in with, have regular sex, have good food, getting his washing done ect until he decided what he want to do next?
Could I ask was he married for long? Does he have a good job? Would he have savings?
Did he own the family home with this wife?
The reason he may not want to tell her is due financial reasons. If she knows about you she may get legal advice and discover that she is entitled to half the home, money ect.
He may be trying to sell items, get money from bank accounts ect before she comes looking for her share.

Also I be thinking at this stage why has he not told her yet about you and the fact you are living together? I would ask him when are you going to tell /// about us?
If he is unwilling to answer this question or avoids answering it I would tell him that you want him to move out and you are giving him 2 weeks to find a place. Meanwhile he can sleep on the couch till then. I would also ask him for money for rent and bills as you are not going to be out of pocket.
At this stage it is time for him to shape up or ship out.

emsie80

why hasnt he told his wife that their marraige is well and truly over, that he has a new partner and you are now living together?? i agree with other posters, i would be extremely suspicious!!!

desbrook

emsie80 wrote: »

why hasnt he told his wife that their marraige is well and truly over, that he has a new partner and you are now living together?? i agree with other posters, i would be extremely suspicious!!!

His solicitor would have advised him against him telling his wife he was in a new relationship. Is he seeking / negotiating a deed of separation?

emsie80

desbrook wrote: »

His solicitor would have advised him against him telling his wife he was in a new relationship. Is he seeking / negotiating a deed of separation?

Thats of course IF he's seen a solicitor!!

Shelli2

Are there children involved? Does he think she may get spiteful/nasty if she knew about you?

Merkin

notsurewhattodo wrote: »

However, himself and the wife have broken up a good few times in the past and she seems to think that this is just another blip in the road.

The fact that she thinks that makes one wonder what on earth he HAS told this woman and indeed what he's telling you. She doesn't know you exist and he in turn is feeding you with information that is only really his version of events. If was serious about you and wanted to build a future with you then surely he'd have broken the news to his wife that it's over and he has moved on with someone else?

desbrook

Merkin wrote: »

The fact that she thinks that makes one wonder what on earth he HAS told this woman and indeed what he's telling you. She doesn't know you exist and he in turn is feeding you with information that is only really his version of events. If was serious about you and wanted to build a future with you then surely he'd have broken the news to his wife that it's over and he has moved on with someone else?

Next time his phone rings answer it. Introduce yourself as his girlfriend ;-)

mood

OP when you say 'seperating' do you mean he moved out of their home and said it's over or do you mean that has already been done and he is trying to get a legal seperation? There is a very big difference between the two situations.