coming out to my twin

dan3

heyia all,

This is my first time posting here.It's just i'm in a small bit of a predicament, i'm not sure what to do.
i'm a 24 year old gay guy and i want to come out to my fraternal twin brother. Even though we are fraternal twins we do look a bit alike.
He doesn't hate gay people, but he does dislike them. I'm extremely close to him as twins kind of have a bond that can't be explained. i'm afraid that he might hate me or that he will be really awkward around me if i do come out to him.

Anyway has anyone else had to come to a twin brother or sister, if so what was your experience?

Should I just stay in the in the closet?

Does anyone know the best way to come out to a family member that you are close to.

Thanks,
Dan.

dave98

Hi Dan, I am a closet man myself but a similar thing happened with my twin cousins. None of us had a clue that one was gay. He came out to his twin first, then parents then the rest of us. But he did say he was extremely worried about telling the twin. But everything was ok in the end. his twin brother was really supportive...hope this helps a bit. Good luck

Aurongroove

It's quite a compassionate case that you care so much for your twin brother that you would stay in the closet for him, to not lose your close bond.

It;s easy for the like of me to wager this or wager that, and say "I bet your brother will be fine about everything", but that's not for me to say; Maybe your brother will react badly. The point being, I don't want to give advice lightly, which is easy to do since I don't need to live with the consequences of the actions taken from the advice.

I can say almost definitely that if your brother cares about you half as much as you do him, that bad reaction or not, he should understand that you being gay is not something you've "done to him".

as someone with very close siblings (not twins, but about as close as you can be to twins) I'm guessing that no matter how positive or negative the initial reaction from your brother, unless he is bang out of order or very badly misguided, it is not something he will blame you for, and he should like an increasing number of people now a days, be fine with it and accept you for who you are.

shucks!

Hey Dan, I’m a twin too but identical it’s freaking me out cuz I’m scared that people will think she’s gay just cuz I am. The best thing for me to do is probably to stay in the closet. But I constantly have the fear that it will come out and she will probably think I did not care enough to tell her. AHHH I hate it

Irish Aris

Really difficult one, to be honest.
I would consider coming out to a sibling, especially if you have a good relationship with him/her, a good starting point.

But you mentioned that he seems to generally dislike gay people, so I guess you can't be too sure.
If he doesn't suspect it already (that you are gay), he might be caught off guard. I don't think he would hate you, he might be surprised/shocked. The only real risk I can see is he might start talking around, e.g. to your parents.
(on the other hand if he suspects it, you might get the usual "and why did you say so earlier??")

No matter what you decide, I hope it all works out well and you always have a great relationship with your brother.

Butterface

I came out to my twin sister when I was 18. After taking her aside and getting unbelievably nervous about it, I finally managed to spit it out. I don't think she could have reacted more supportively. She actually thought I was about to tell her that I was pregnant, which shows how little she was expecting the gaybomb.

She wasn't worried that anybody else would think she was gay. She was worried about me and that I would be okay coming out to everybody else. She seemed to take delight in telling everybody she had a gay twin, possibly to make her seem more interesting ha!:cool: The only thing that annoyed her at the time was that I came out to a few other friends at college before I told her. I have a feeling that will make its way into a wedding speech someday!

So bearing in mind that she was only 18 and had never spent any time with a gay person before, or even met a lesbian, she was incredibly supportive and just downright sound about it. I know this is only my personal experience, but thinking back all those years ago I'm sure I felt as worried as the OP at the thought of coming out to the person with whom I share an incredibly close bond with.

You already have a close bond with your twin, and even if he finds it hard to take at first, if he's mature enough he will get over it. I really would not advise you to stay in the closet just because you're unsure how he'll react.

dan3

Thanks everyone for your reply's, you have given be a bit to think over.

Irish Aris wrote: »

If he doesn't suspect it already (that you are gay), he might be caught off guard..

Irish Aris, well i really do not come across gay in the slightess, but i think he has an idea cuz i stick up for gay people the whole time. He can be a small bit of a dick head, In college last year he was pissed off with me and he start saying "oh that guy is so hot isn't he hot, i asked you a question"
even thinking about how nasty he was just completely turns my stomach.

But he did say 3 weeks ago that he loved gay people normally he hates them, so clearly he was just saying he loved me.

What if people start to think he is gay or that im faking it:(


Anyway my mind is all over the shop

Thanks,
Dan.

oisindoyle

dan3 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your reply's, you have given be a bit to think over.




Irish Aris, well i really do not come across gay in the slightess, but i think he has an idea cuz i stick up for gay people the whole time. He can be a small bit of a dick head, In college last year he was pissed off with me and he start saying "oh that guy is so hot isn't he hot, i asked you a question"
even thinking about how nasty he was just completely turns my stomach.

But he did say 3 weeks ago that he loved gay people normally he hates them, so clearly he was just saying he loved me.

What if people start to think he is gay or that im faking it:(


Anyway my mind is all over the shop

Thanks,
Dan.

First of all welcome .As for staying in the closet,thats not always a good idea,It is better to be true to yourself and be yourself .
Only come out when you feel you are ready and don't rush into things ,do it when you want to .
Now as for your brother ,here's one I'm going to throw at you ,,,Maybe he's gay himself and throwing out those comments about gay guys he could be testing the water with you ??????!!!!!!
There is a huge percentage of siblings being gay ,particulary twins .
I have a gay brother ,my friend is gay as his sister and brother !
My brothers friend is a twin and both are gay .
Your brother may not be gay ,but don't rule it out .

dan3

Thanks for the welcome,

no he is 100% straight.

I was reading an article ages ago, it said somthing like even though twins have the same genes that they can turn them on or off.

btw thanks butterface (i'm sure you have a beautiful face) i think i will come out him over the x-mass hols cuz i don't want him putting the blame on me if he does bad in his exams.lol

Thanks,
Dan.

oisindoyle

dan3 wrote: »

Thanks for the welcome,

no he is 100% straight.

I was reading an article ages ago, it said somthing like even though twins have the same genes that they can turn them on or off.

btw thanks butterface (i'm sure you have a beautiful face) i think i will come out him over the x-mass hols cuz i don't want him putting the blame on me if he does bad in his exams.lol

Thanks,
Dan.

and I was 100% straight as well before I came out ,,,,lol
Anyway ,good luck with whatever you decide , and let us know how you get on

1ZRed

oisindoyle wrote: »

and I was 100% straight as well before I came out ,,,,lol
Anyway ,good luck with whatever you decide , and let us know how you get on

I was thinking this because it was twins and there's a strong likelyhood that he could be gay or attracted to men to some degree. He may not, but there's a chance he still could be.

You can't necessarily assume he's 100% straight when he probably assumes the same of you, underneath it all. You don't know that.

Anyway that aside because it's not really relevant to your issue on coming out, I don't think you should be putting such guilt and pressure on yourself when you come out and how it effects him, or other people for that matter. You do it for yourself and if he had any decency about himself, he wouldn't be so self involved that he thinks of how people might view him because of you, and he steps back to see how this is all playing out on you.

You could be over thinking things too and imagining the worse case scenario of it all, it's always the case when coming out, and it leads you to be pleasantly surprised when you do come out to those people.
If he's a bit of a dickhead about it all it could all change once he realises this is all close to home and be starts to see how being gay really is, and he comes around to the idea first hand from and because of you.

I don't think there needs to be so much doom and gloom about coming out and being gay, and I've come to realise that because people's attitudes can change in fantastic ways once they realise you're no different then you ever were. I've seen that first hand and I'll keep it in mind when I continue to come out to more of my family.
So you might think it bad now, but it all ends up well the more you push through it.

cartell_best

Lads, I'm so sorry to people about this but in fairness, comments are being made that are nothing more than bordering contempt! I am soo annoyed that now I feel compelled to post! What in Gods name? I know ye'r offering alternatives but in fairness! I know its probably not unheard of that twins are gay.. But because someone with a direct blood connection has something of a moderate "unacceptance" of people being gay, regardless of the genetic connection.

I'm amazed at a couple of posts here! soo much.....
Possibility?!?! erm! we cannot, or should not, consider someone as being gay, simply because that individual has completely different emotions or feelings relating to people being gay! If we were to place that label on any existence that revolved around a template, then we certainly are living somewhere we should not be!

Seriously, I'm amazed at a couple of the responses here! Some may consider them constructive and potentially viable on some scale. Realistically...please lads!

oisindoyle

cartell_best wrote: »

Lads, I'm so sorry to people about this but in fairness, comments are being made that are nothing more than bordering contempt! I am soo annoyed that now I feel compelled to post! What in Gods name? I know ye'r offering alternatives but in fairness! I know its probably not unheard of that twins are gay.. But because someone with a direct blood connection has something of a moderate "unacceptance" of people being gay, regardless of the genetic connection.

I'm amazed at a couple of posts here! soo much.....
Possibility?!?! erm! we cannot, or should not, consider someone as being gay, simply because that individual has completely different emotions or feelings relating to people being gay! If we were to place that label on any existence that revolved around a template, then we certainly are living somewhere we should not be!

Seriously, I'm amazed at a couple of the responses here! Some may consider them constructive and potentially viable on some scale. Realistically...please lads!

Take a chill pill .
People made comments (includeing me ) which are and were quite valid .
Stop with the drama take a deep breath and count to ten

cartell_best

oisindoyle wrote: »

Take a chill pill .
People made comments (includeing me ) which are and were quite valid .
Stop with the drama take a deep breath and count to ten

My apologies to posters....comments were made but at no point was my response intended to be in any way meant to be offensive towards any person! I was responding simply by making a comment... and please, do not ask people to "take a chill pill" or "Stop with the drama take a deep breath and count to ten "... If that’s a response towards someone who just made a random comment to a specific thread, then....its not right, on any level!

1ZRed

cartell_best wrote: »

Lads, I'm so sorry to people about this but in fairness, comments are being made that are nothing more than bordering contempt! I am soo annoyed that now I feel compelled to post! What in Gods name? I know ye'r offering alternatives but in fairness! I know its probably not unheard of that twins are gay.. But because someone with a direct blood connection has something of a moderate "unacceptance" of people being gay, regardless of the genetic connection.

I'm amazed at a couple of posts here! soo much.....
Possibility?!?! erm! we cannot, or should not, consider someone as being gay, simply because that individual has completely different emotions or feelings relating to people being gay! If we were to place that label on any existence that revolved around a template, then we certainly are living somewhere we should not be!

Seriously, I'm amazed at a couple of the responses here! Some may consider them constructive and potentially viable on some scale. Realistically...please lads!

I'm not too sure what you're annoyed about. Is it the possibility that his twin could be gay, and posters have mentioned that?

I don't believe that he is, but like anybody there could be a chance something there. Not saying there is, but I made mention of it to maybe ease his mind a bit. But either way, it's totally irrelevant to the situation and advice he's asking for.

cartell_best

1ZRed wrote: »

I'm not too sure what you're annoyed about. Is it the possibility that his twin could be gay, and posters have mentioned that?

I don't believe that he is, but like anybody there could be a chance something there. Not saying there is, but I made mention of it to maybe ease his mind a bit. But either way, it's totally irrelevant to the situation and advice he's asking for.

And have a guess who thanked that post ^^^ ....I rest my case. You're a contradiction in terms by the way, sir!

dan3

heyia,

I found all comments relevant to my stitution, I asked for advice and thats what I got.
Sure I will let you know waht happens.

Thanks,
Dan.:)

phoenix999

The two Venezuelan twins who are dancers in a well known Dublin night spot are both gay.

cartell_best

dan3 wrote: »

heyia,

I found all comments relevant to my stitution, I asked for advice and thats what I got.
Sure I will let you know waht happens.

Thanks,
Dan.:)

Sound out Dan3, I hope it works out for ya lad! I honestly do...

1ZRed

phoenix999 wrote: »

The two Venezuelan twins who are dancers in a well known Dublin night spot are both gay.

You've really got something for the South American men anyway :pac:

floggg

1ZRed wrote: »

You've really got something for the South American men anyway :pac:

Who hasn't?

conspiracycat

Hi Dan3

I have a twin sister. I didnt really come out to her because she already had an idea! She said it to me first.
It was a bit awkward when we talked about it at first but now its fine, I understand how you feel when you said about when he makes comments (your heart nearly stops!) but maybe in my case it was that she was kinda encouraging me to come out with it!!

Anyway, I really think twins have a closer bond than anyone and im sure he will be fine with it!

Good luck

Annasopra

While the advice on this thread has been excellent I'm afraid the OP is not genuine

dan3/yike/amzmn are all the same poster and were banned today