Over-sharing

LegacyUser

I have this annoying problem where I over-share personal info on a regular basis to either people I hardly know, a complete stranger, a dis-trusting friend. It's almost like an urge to share. A want, a need. I can't explain it and I don't understand why I do it.

Although I hear my father do same at times. He's also a man that never asks anyone a question, as his father had the attitude 'kids should be seen, not heard', which had a bad affect on him and his confidence.
He's happy to reveal and talk about his issues, so maybe this is where I did get it. I seldom think to ask someone a question when in convo and I struggle to listen to the answer when I do. I really hate this about myself. I struggle to change it.
Any suggestions please?

Big Bag of Chips

It's something that you need to make a really conscious effort at. I think most of us are guilty to an extent of talking about ourselves a bit much. But it's a normal thing to do, as we know all about ourselves!!

Funnily, I was discussing this with my husband only recently, and we said that in a group of people, if someone starts a conversation, automatically people in the group will start to think of how they can contribute to the conversation by bringing their own experience in to (ie - talk about themselves!). To the point where they are not really interested in what others are saying, they (we!) are just waiting for their turn to interject.

I think everyone does it to some extent or another. And some just do it more than others.

You need to consciously stop yourself. If you feel yourself going on a bit, change topic. Don't be afraid to say "There I go talking about myself again..." and make light of it.

Being conscious of it is a good start... a lot of people who go on about themselves are blissfully unaware that there is anybody else in the world!

edellc

brownandyellow wrote: »

I have this annoying problem where I over-share personal info on a regular basis to either people I hardly know, a complete stranger, a dis-trusting friend. It's almost like an urge to share. A want, a need. I can't explain it and I don't understand why I do it.

Can I just ask about this bit of your story, I'm not really sure how to word this so I will just spit it out....do you think you do this as a self defence mechanise, as in, is there some drama maybe going on in your life that is a bit soap operaish and you cant really get your head round it as such and if you just blurt it out to these randomers then its out there and its kinda like a shock and awe thing...

Its just I know someone who did this a lot, we ended up having a heart to heart and it turned out that her family where a bit soap operaish and certain dramas happened that where a bit far fetched but true and for her it was her way of dealing with it by just blurting it out to randomers or people who were her frienemies. I think the main point was that she did it so it was out there and the people she knew couldnt find out and talk about her behind her back as she has said it straight and the ones she didnt know it was more to do with getting it out of her system to someone she will never meet again, free therapy

However I do think as she has gotten older and become more self aware it has definitely stopped and she is a lot more guarded.

So I think I will say to you what I said to her, which is to buy yourself a notebook and keep it on you and when you have stuff running around in your head during the day take a quite minute and write it down, this helps to structure you thoughts and make sense of them and what is going on with them, that way you are more aware of your sense of self. The thinking behind this is that then when you are out in social circles with people you described above you may be less inclined to use them as a sounding board as you already have some organisation of your thoughts on paper.

I think speaking about it on here is a big step OP and hopefully even in doing that will make you more aware of connecting your brain to you mouth when you open it, and therefore not give people dis trusting friends ammunition towards you or shock and awe to strangers mixed with tea and sympathy, if you get what Im saying

Peace and love OP

LegacyUser

Thanks for your comments.
Edellc...yes drama is part of my family. But I think I also do it because it's my way of trying to connect with some people, simply by opening up, sharing my most secretive thoughts.
Other people, to avoid awkward silences.
It's about becoming aware, I know, but my mouth works faster than my brain.. will try the notebook suggestion. I'll be writing all day ;o)

edellc

brownandyellow wrote: »

Thanks for your comments.
Edellc...yes drama is part of my family. But I think I also do it because it's my way of trying to connect with some people, simply by opening up, sharing my most secretive thoughts.
Other people, to avoid awkward silences.
It's about becoming aware, I know, but my mouth works faster than my brain.. will try the notebook suggestion. I'll be writing all day ;o)

Hey brownandyellow, I hear ya and yeah it all sounds so fimiliar to what was said by this girl so your not alone with your behaviour.

However we both know that sharing personal info with people who know you but are not your friends will not end well, strangers are a different matter, but the former well your just giving them amunition that you dont need to do.

Hopefully the notebook will work for you or at least help you be aware of what 's going on with you...looking forward to reading the book

However I will also recommend if you can afford to, to go speak to a councillor who might help with tools for you to stop you speaking without thinking it through.

Take care x