Can't get first love out of my head

LegacyUser

Hi, I posted on here around 8 months ago as I'd just been dumped and found it a great place to come for advice so I'm doing it again. Basically the person who dumped me that long ago has started to come into my head non stop for the last week. I thought I was making great progress in terms of building back up my social circle etc, but now I've taken huge steps backwards. The person who dumped me back then was my first love, and as sappy as it sounds I never thought we'd break up. But when they did dump me (by text), my initial reaction was that my world came tumbling down. But since then I've really enjoyed the last few months, holidays with friends, getting to know new people. Out every weekend, independance etc. But that person has always been there in the back of my mind. I dreamt about them a week ago and since then they've literally been all I've been able to think of. It's hard to yearn for their company, and know that it's never going to happen. Last few months may have gone well but now my prevailing thought is "I'm never going to find someone again with that unique combination of really good looks and a personality that matches mine brilliantly" and it's a thought that just eats away at me.

curlzy

You're probably just lonely and have some rose tinted glasses on. THere's no such thing as "the one" so don't stress about that. There's around 5 billion people on the planet, there's tonnes of "the one", I promise. It was your first and only experience of love so of course it felt like you lost something irreplacable. I promise you it's not, you will find love again. If I were you I'd take it as a sign that you're ready to date again. So stop wrecking your own head, forget about him and get out there and start living.

*don't know why you're female in my head, apologies if not!*

squonk

Remember this person also dumped you by text! That makes them an asshole in my book so I think you're focusing on all the good times and ignoring the less enjoyable parts. Get out there and meet somebody new!

den87

I know exactly how you feel OP, my first love dumped me 14 months ago after nearly 5 years and I still think about her on and off.

I think the best thing you can do is anytime you start to think of them is to keep your mind busy with something else (a book,tv,gym) and do your best to keep them out of your head.

Your first love will always be special and part of you will always love them but a person that dumps you by text isn't worth it.

Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

StuckInMyHead wrote: »

Hi, I posted on here around 8 months ago as I'd just been dumped and found it a great place to come for advice so I'm doing it again. Basically the person who dumped me that long ago has started to come into my head non stop for the last week. I thought I was making great progress in terms of building back up my social circle etc, but now I've taken huge steps backwards. The person who dumped me back then was my first love, and as sappy as it sounds I never thought we'd break up. But when they did dump me (by text), my initial reaction was that my world came tumbling down. But since then I've really enjoyed the last few months, holidays with friends, getting to know new people. Out every weekend, independance etc. But that person has always been there in the back of my mind. I dreamt about them a week ago and since then they've literally been all I've been able to think of. It's hard to yearn for their company, and know that it's never going to happen. Last few months may have gone well but now my prevailing thought is "I'm never going to find someone again with that unique combination of really good looks and a personality that matches mine brilliantly" and it's a thought that just eats away at me.

In a similar boat myself having split with my long term partner nearly a year ago and them also being my first love and first proper relationship. They moved on very quickly which added to the hurt but time does indeed heal and i've learned to stop looking back on the relationship with rose tinted glasses. When ever they popped into my head I would only have positive memories of them that made me yearn for them even more but the reality of it is that there was a lot wrong with the relationship and there were plenty of bad times to balance up the good but that doesnt enter your head when you are yearning for someone. I still think about them a lot as obviously I can't prevent thoughts entering my head, but whenever I think of them now I regard it as being a part of my life that is now over and there were plenty of positives and lessons to take out of it into my next relationship whenever that may be so that the next relationship has a better footing. Its healthy to still think about your previous partner but when you are dwelling on the good times when thinking about them, also think of a bad time and try and rationalise it to yourself. For a while after the break-up my mind conjured up all sorts of scenarios like getting back together again and strolling arm in arm across a beach and everything being perfect but in reality that scenario would never have happened as we probobly would have argued about 100 different things while walking across the beach. I'd imagine it might be similar for you. And listen to your inner self too, as that little voice inside gives good advice .