Are guys only into NSA?

kingfisherdove

Hey all, don't mean to generalize at all, but I have recently joined gaydar and a couple of other sites in the hope of finding somebody, however all I seem to get the majority of the time is photo-less profiles that give their mobile number, ask do I drive and also suggest a meeting place for I can only guess what!

I'm just wondering are there any guys out there looking for something more in their love lives, cause I just think it's really sad if it's all NSA.

Basically I'm just hoping I'm not the only one looking for something more, I know I'm not but sometimes it's seems very the opposite!

1ZRed

Any site where you can fill in your sexual interests is not a place to expect to find a boyfriend and is not representative of all gay men.

Annasopra

A lot of guys on gaydar are only into NSA. That doesn't mean everyone is.

whattotdo

Gaydar has options for looking for a friendship,relationship but 99.9% join it looking for nsa.

Annasopra

whattotdo wrote: »

Gaydar has options for looking for a friendship,relationship but 99.9% join it looking for nsa.

I don't think it's that many

Aurongroove

I only use Gardar for trying to meet people for relationships, friendships, and i just leave all the 'sex' topics empty.

there are less of "us" but it's certainly not 99% to 1%.

Galwayguy20

Aurongroove wrote: »

I only use Gardar for trying to meet people for relationships, friendships, and i just leave all the 'sex' topics empty.

there are less of "us" but it's certainly not 99% to 1%.

I do this too. Just mention on your profile that you're not looking for NSA and that cuts out a good bit of those kind of messages. Definitely give it a go though, I've gone on a good few dates with people from it who weren't looking for NSA, and I even met my current bf on grindr!

bikeman1

kingfisherdove , there are many guys out there looking for something more than NSA. I know loads of gay couples going out for more than two years, and I don't know that many gay people. I've been going out with my bf for over 3 years.

checkcheek

It does seem like a lot are looking for NSA. But equally a lot are looking for "the one".

Im looking for a relationship but I don't look down on those looking for NSA.(not that I'm saying anyone does look down on those looking for NSA)

Tbh if your looking for a relationship, personally I feel online ain't the best place to look. Well for me. But I'm way to fussy so finding anyone that fits what I'm looking for would be a mirical

Aurongroove

Galwayguy20 wrote: »

I do this too. Just mention on your profile that you're not looking for NSA and that cuts out a good bit of those kind of messages. Definitely give it a go though, I've gone on a good few dates with people from it who weren't looking for NSA, and I even met my current bf on grindr!

As I read it, the beginning of the sentence looked like it was advice you had for me for my profile in Gaydar! (which you could have in no way connected to this boards profile)
I was all like :eek: then i was like then i was like :rolleyes: then finally :pac: lol

for me a big pain in the ass in Gaydar is being a guest. you very quickly run out of messages, and profile viewings, and they don't save messages you get, so you get a message and you're reached your quota for that day, you need to wait till tomorrow, then find the guy again and try to remember what he wrote to you.

floggg

Yes, all gay men are shallow empty creatures only interested in sex. You are the only gay man in the whole world looking for love.



Seriously though, seeing as this pops up once a week, can we just sticky one of these threads? It would cut down on a lot if questions if people could see just how many gay men are out there who think they are the only one looking for a relationship.

toexpress

You have to sort of pick out the guys that are not looking for NSA. There are some on every site and app going.

You also have to remember that no matter how much a man wants something more substantial than a quickie we all get horny so sometimes that hormone thing just takes over and the bigger picture gets forgotten when that happens.

You kind of have to stick to your guns and just ignore the ones that are only after it. Be open-minded to the ones that are sometimes after it and be prepared to put a lot of work into it.

There are other ways to meet people of course. You should look at some of those, social groups, walking groups, dining groups etc.

Best of luck with it :-)

whattotdo

floggg wrote: »

Yes, all gay men are shallow empty creatures only interested in sex. You are the only gay man in the whole world looking for love.

Men that are only interested in sex doesn't make them shallow empty creatures imo.NSA seems to get a bad reputation/frowned upon but for those who have NSA on a regular basis aren't hurting anyone as long as its consensual and safe.

jaffacakesyum

floggg wrote: »

Yes, all gay men are shallow empty creatures only interested in sex. You are the only gay man in the whole world looking for love.



Seriously though, seeing as this pops up once a week, can we just sticky one of these threads? It would cut down on a lot if questions if people could see just how many gay men are out there who think they are the only one looking for a relationship.

I know it's annoying to see it come up again and again, and it seems stupid when people assume a whole section of society is only into NSA, but I do understand where people come from. While I'd never make the ridiculous generalisation that all gay men or all gay women are only into sex and not looking for relationships, it's frustrating when you NEVER find anyone who does want more than sex.

Stating the obvious here I know but just in the mood to rant:

LGBT will always be a very small section of society
LGBT in Dublin is particularly small, nevermind anywhere rural
Take away all LGBT who are actually interested in something more than sex
Now you are left with an even smaller group in society, of which the chances (for me, anyway so it seems) of both parties being attracted to each other and clicking chemistry wise is very small.

1ZRed

Why do some people see this as one way or the other. Like it's either NSA or relationship focused.

NSA isn't at all so strict, at least not in my experience, and you can't knock it if both people get on, have a laugh and decide to see where it goes, even if it's just friends.
I've found this to be true with a lot of guys who don't state NSA, but are looking for a bit of fun like the rest of us. If you get talking, have a laugh, and that ends up in one meet up, and eventually more even, then that could lead to a relationship.

I wouldn't necessarily knock all the guys just looking to have fun as strictly NSA and cut them out altogether if you're more relationship focused. Like everything, if you get on and enjoy it, you both will probably hang around and maybe take it somewhere more substantial.

It's more or less the same deal with ONS, and that can, and has for a lot of people, led to great long term relationships.
One night stands can be the exact same as NSA meet ups. What matters is how well you get on and if you both would like to make something more of it.

Irish Aris

1ZRed wrote: »

Why do some people see this as one way or the other. Like it's either NSA or relationship focused.

NSA isn't at all so strict, at least not in my experience, and you can't knock it if both people get on, have a laugh and decide to see where it goes, even if it's just friends.
I've found this to be true with a lot of guys who don't state NSA, but are looking for a bit of fun like the rest of us. If you get talking, have a laugh, and that ends up in one meet up, and eventually more even, then that could lead to a relationship.

I wouldn't necessarily knock all the guys just looking to have fun as strictly NSA and cut them out altogether if you're more relationship focused. Like everything, if you get on and enjoy it, you both will probably hang around and maybe take it somewhere more substantial.

It's more or less the same deal with ONS, and that can, and has for a lot of people, led to great long term relationships.
One night stands can be the exact same as NSA meet ups. What matters is how well you get on and if you both would like to make something more of it.

1ZRed, for me it's about the mindset. In the back of my mind there is the possibility of something more long term, it tends to be a factor. Maybe that's why I had so few one night stands in my life (and I am not that young anymore). On the other hand I don't think I am the best to talk about NSA. You see, I always thought that NSA was either a one-off thing or, if repeated, didn't usually include any emotional attachment. And for me doesn't work like this at all, not when I was younger and definitely not know that I am 40. So, I guess that if someone on gaydar specifically states NSA, he wouldn't be a priority for me.

floggg

whattotdo wrote: »

Men that are only interested in sex doesn't make them shallow empty creatures imo.NSA seems to get a bad reputation/frowned upon but for those who have NSA on a regular basis aren't hurting anyone as long as its consensual and safe.

I was being flippant and sarcastic

1ZRed

Irish Aris wrote: »

1ZRed, for me it's about the mindset. In the back of my mind there is the possibility of something more long term, it tends to be a factor. Maybe that's why I had so few one night stands in my life (and I am not that young anymore). On the other hand I don't think I am the best to talk about NSA. You see, I always thought that NSA was either a one-off thing or, if repeated, didn't usually include any emotional attachment. And for me doesn't work like this at all, not when I was younger and definitely not know that I am 40. So, I guess that if someone on gaydar specifically states NSA, he wouldn't be a priority for me.

I get you on that, and honestly I wouldn't be too interested in a guy who'd contact me along the lines of "where u, want to fuck?", but if we were both primarily looking for some fun, and we got chatting/messing a bit, then I'd be way more up for it.

And it can be just a no strings session but you can have a laugh and then start hitting up more regularly until there's some emotional attachment.

I acknowledge it though that it's not for everyone and some people want to be guaranteed something more substantial instead something that might or mightn't come from a NSA meet up.
But I don't think it's quite so cut and dry in saying you'll never get something of substance from a NSA/ONS, like any night out, we're all looking for the best time possible so it's good to keep an open mind :P

bikeman1

My one night stand turned into a 3 years and counting relationship!!!

jaffacakesyum

I think one night stands are more likely to turn into something more than someone who is online looking for NSA.

I wouldn't knock one night stands and have had my fair share but would never be into online hook ups for NSA.

unusuality

I agree - one night stands are very different because they're usually accidental whereas NSA is deliberate.

Back to the OP, you're definitely not alone. I've been out for two years now and the first year or so of it was great - guys are easy, it was all new and fun. I've got to the point now where I want something more and it's really difficult to find the types I look for (sane, not slutty, not particularly camp, and the hardest of all - someone who isn't more than five years older than me)... Instead of moaning about it though, I was wondering whether anyone has any recommendations other than what I'm already doing (going to clubs)? People mention clubs but I don't know any (aside from Dublin Devils)... also are there any good dating websites that people have used (I don't mean grindr, manhunt, gaydar)? Thanks.

kingfisherdove

yeah that's true, NSA is purposefully sought whereas one night stands can occur I guess in the heat of the moment.

Not sure what other groups there are out there, many are unfortunately only based in cities so not sure if there's any beyond the Pale.

1ZRed

kingfisherdove wrote: »

yeah that's true, NSA is purposefully sought whereas one night stands can occur I guess in the heat of the moment.

Not sure what other groups there are out there, many are unfortunately only based in cities so not sure if there's any beyond the Pale.

How many lads go out every weekend with the intent of pulling a ons? It's just as sought after, NSA just cuts to the chase.

I've made friends from NSA and in some cases those guys, the strictly 'shift and drift' kind, started to like me and kind of looked for more. Most NSA meet ups can be nothing more but I wouldn't undersell it outright.

kingfisherdove

Ah well it's just for some and not for others, it's not my thing and that's all I know. No harm in meeting someone and if it leads further well and good. But NSA as in meeting up for immediate sex em...it's kind of slutty and seedy to be brutally honest!!

1ZRed

kingfisherdove wrote: »

Ah well it's just for some and not for others, it's not my thing and that's all I know. No harm in meeting someone and if it leads further well and good. But NSA as in meeting up for immediate sex em...it's kind of slutty and seedy to be brutally honest!!

FYP

jaffacakesyum

1ZRed wrote: »

How many lads go out every weekend with the intent of pulling a ons? It's just as sought after, NSA just cuts to the chase.

I've made friends from NSA and in some cases those guys, the strictly 'shift and drift' kind, started to like me and kind of looked for more. Most NSA meet ups can be nothing more but I wouldn't undersell it outright.

It's true I'm sure a lot of guys (and girls too perhaps) go out with the intent to pull but for a lot of people, myself included, I don't go out just for sex, I go out to have fun and meet people. Most, if not all ONS's I've had is because the girl was, yeah, hot :P but also cool to talk to and things just got carried away in the heat of the moment. Most ONS's I've had I've wanted to meet up with the girl again and get to know her better and perhaps date, see where things happen. Now of course sometimes, because drink is involved, judgement has been clouded and I've left it as a ONS or in other cases both parties just want to be friends but in other cases I've met some cool people.

That's the difference for me anyway. With a NSA meet up you're both just looking for a shag. You don't know anything about the person, you haven't been chatting all night, flirting, drinking etc don't know if there's chemistry it's just a "where are you, can you come over for some fun" kind of thing. I would find that extremely awkward as well!

I don't see the point in telling someone who's looking for dating/dating and eventually a relationship, to not dismiss guys online looking for NSA because chances are they could get emotionally attached and want more, wheras the guy said from the start all he wants is NSA.

kingfisherdove

Well I've had an experience twice now where somebody says they're looking for something more than NSA, but when you meet them, they start of as expected but quickly get into what they want to do with you and just try and turn this 'friendship meeting' into a sexual encounter and it's just frustrating; why they have to move so fast; I mean I just met them! Anyway needless to say lessons learned! People aren't always what they seem!

jaffacakesyum

kingfisherdove wrote: »

Well I've had an experience twice now where somebody says they're looking for something more than NSA, but when you meet them, they start of as expected but quickly get into what they want to do with you and just try and turn this 'friendship meeting' into a sexual encounter and it's just frustrating; why they have to move so fast; I mean I just met them! Anyway needless to say lessons learned! People aren't always what they seem!

Sorry to hear that pal. Unfortunately, a lot of people out there, gay or straight, are only looking for sex.

kingfisherdove

Yeah it's not an awful thing; it happens, just wish they'd be up front about what they're after. Thanks man for the response

ongarboy

I think if you want to make friends only or form relationships that can evolve more organically, you may have a better shot by meeting people at organised activity or social events (gay oriented hillwalking clubs, choirs, soccer, rugby, running clubs, Wet'n'Wild outdoor activity group etc). I know a lot of these are very Dublin oriented but I hear OutWest and other more rural groups are also good for social opportunities so it would be worth checking out what is nearest to you.

IMO, trying to make friends on gaydar would be like trying to make friends in the Boilerhouse - it is possible of course but the odds are against you.

kingfisherdove

you're definitely right, gaydar is a disaster zone, full of weirdos. Probably worse than the Boilerhouse in some ways, freaks.

yeah the trouble is finding a group that has more than 2 members, it's still very backward in the midlands, very little support. Most gay guys that I know of have moved to Dublin aswell so I'm assuming that may be a bit of a pattern