Am I overreacting?

Witchie

A friend of mine has been through a really rough time lately and I have been there, supported her, lent her money so that she can go party and feel better about what is going on, (have been paid back so that is not the issue) and had her corner in everything of late.

Tonight we went out, had a great nite in the pub, she convinced me to go to the niteclub which I never do and while there, as I went to go to the dancefloor for the first time in years, she hands me her handbag. Strike one.

I decided to go sit down and mind our bags and drink my drink. She came over much later and I pointed out that I had wanted to go dancing but felt very much by her handing her bag to me that she hadnt wanted me to be included. No biggy. Told her was also annoyed because a guy who had tried to hit me a few years ago in a club (only because I supported my local football club and he supported one further away and hated us) was there that I was a bit pissed off. Pointed him out to her and said he frightened me.

She said "come on over to the others here and it will be grand". She got up and I went to get my bag off the seat and looked up and she was standing chatting to the guy in question. I walked around her to join another friend and looked back just as they kissed.

So was I wrong to leave the club and go home on a friend who is staying in my house tonight so that her dad (she is 42!) doesnt give out to her for being out again because of this?

Just feel really hurt that she could go straight over and start kissing someone who threatened me and only for a big male mate would have punched me in a niteclub a few years ago.

Disillusioned coz she was one of my besties.

movingsucks

You were right to leave if you felt uncomfortable. Who she kisses is up to her ( I would question her taste but you've told her the score and if she goes with him in spite of that leave her off)
Is she upset with you for leaving?
If so just tell the truth, you didn't want to be around that guy so if she chooses to engage with him you won't be there when he is.
She can deal with her dad herself and mind her own handbag.

"Besties" often do stuff like this. Sometimes codes of honour just go out the window, I've had it done to me too.
She probably didn't set out to deliberately hurt you she was just out for herself.

Witchie

Talked it over with her and she has no memory of the guy in question which has opened up a new can of worms, now am worrying about her drinking.

thanks for the reply movingsucks.

daisybelle2008

Witchie wrote: »

Talked it over with her and she has no memory of the guy in question which has opened up a new can of worms, now am worrying about her drinking.

thanks for the reply movingsucks.

I'd say take a step back and don't jump to conclusions, you seem a little eager to find a drama. You took two very innocuous and not untypical actions of a drunk person in a nightclub (kissing a Randomer and handing your handbag to someone) very personally. You say she has been through a rough time lately, why not cut her a bit of slack. No need to be making tit for tat inventory (why is lending her money she paid you back relevant to anything?).
Evaluate your friendship if you are findingbit hard to be there for her during this time without negatively judging her so much. Maybe you just don't like or trust her enough to be more than acquaintances which is ok too.

rainbowtrout

Witchie wrote: »

I decided to go sit down and mind our bags and drink my drink. She came over much later and I pointed out that I had wanted to go dancing but felt very much by her handing her bag to me that she hadnt wanted me to be included. No biggy. Told her was also annoyed because a guy who had tried to hit me a few years ago in a club (only because I supported my local football club and he supported one further away and hated us) was there that I was a bit pissed off. Pointed him out to her and said he frightened me.

She said "come on over to the others here and it will be grand". She got up and I went to get my bag off the seat and looked up and she was standing chatting to the guy in question. I walked around her to join another friend and looked back just as they kissed.

So was I wrong to leave the club and go home on a friend who is staying in my house tonight so that her dad (she is 42!) doesnt give out to her for being out again because of this?

Just feel really hurt that she could go straight over and start kissing someone who threatened me and only for a big male mate would have punched me in a niteclub a few years ago.

Disillusioned coz she was one of my besties

You seem to be keen to look for drama where there isn't really any. She probably just assumed you weren't going out on the dancefloor. When she handed you her handbag, why didn't you just say 'Oh, i'm going out on the floor too' and that would have been the end of it. Your friend would have taken her bag with her. You decided that her handing you the bag was a way of excluding you, yet you also said you sat down to mind the bags and drink your drink. Your friend probably thought you weren't going out dancing because you had a drink in hand. I really don't see how this is an issue.

As for the incident with the guy, ok what happened to you wasn't very nice, but I get the impression that you were using it to create drama with this girl. He threatened you in a nightclub a few years ago (probably drunk). I'm guessing you don't normally have any dealing with him. She probably didn't think anything of the story you told her, so didn't see anything wrong with kissing him.

I just feel that this post all sounds a bit attention seeking. Your friend went out on the dancefloor, you could have joined her and you didn't. She went talking to other people. You chose to sulk.

Big Bag of Chips

Honestly? It all sounds very childish, down to the fact that you feel responsible for 'minding' a 42 year old woman so that her dad doesn't 'give out' to her?

She might just be very thoughtless with no malicious intent. Or she may consistently walk all over you, and disregard you and your feelings. Only you know that. But you need to speak up for yourself too. Why did you accept her handbag if you wanted to go dancing? Why not just tell her you're going dancing too?

Maybe this friendship has run it's course and you are fed up of being her 'minder'. (I'm getting that impression from your use of the past tense in your last sentence). Nothing wrong with that either, sometimes people just outgrow each other. And if she's a 42 year old who needs regular babysitting then it is only natural that you would grow apart, as you get more and more fed up of feeling responsible for her.

Witchie

I am a drama queen. Shut the thread. Doesnt matter that my friend kissed someone I am petrified of after me pointing him out to her.

Anyway as have said, I sorted it with her. She has apologised, we have moved on.

Herrick

Witchie wrote: »

Doesnt matter that my friend kissed someone I am petrified of after me pointing him out to her.

I wouldn't take much notice of the handbag thing Witchie.

But I don't think you could be called dramatic for getting annoyed at a good friend going off with a guy that was gonna hit you a while back, its bad form I think.

Glad you sorted it

Witchie

Yeah I think the handbag thing annoyed me coz I was drunk and hadnt wanted to go to the club but had gone only coz she wanted me to and felt I had to coz she was staying in my house so when I tried to get into the groove of it felt pushed out. was silly drunken over reaction to that.

Just was hurt that she had kissed this guy but we have talked it over and all is fine. Just worried about how much she is drinking. I dont go to clubs so didnt realise how drunk she gets and for her not to remember this really scared me so my annoyance has turned to concern.

Big Bag of Chips

If you were never concerned about her drinking before, and are only concerned about it now because she says she doesn't remember kissing the guy, is it possible that she is just telling you she doesn't remember? Do you think she was really that drunk at that stage in the night that she doesn't remember? Or is she lying to you to save her own blushes?

Let me know if you still want the thread closed and I will do it immediately. Or do you want it to remain open so that you can get advice on how to handle her drinking situation?

Witchie

I know she has been getting drunk alot but havent been overly worried coz I didnt think she was putting herself in harms way but if she was so drunk she cant remember me chatting to her about this guy, pointing him out to her, telling her I was upset at seeing him again and her getting up and walking over to the group he was with and within minutes kissing him, then I think she has a problem worse than I thought and needs to look at her drinking.

You can close it.

Thanks for the help peoples.