Situational or chemical depression?

thoughtwheel

Hi folks,
I'm having a hard time accepting that I have depression, despite it being a problem for a long time now, years. Various professionals have told me it's down to my situation, that when things change, I'll get better. the problem is none of these professionals know what I was like years ago. I think now, looking back, depression is something that's been in the background since I was a teenager, but it only became apparent as life got more challenging, and that's when I went looking for help. I've had several bad episodes over the last 5 years, the worst this year, which kept me out of work for 4 months. But, despite eventually climbing out of the hole, I seem determined to put myself back in it. I've slipped a lot the last few weeks, and can't summon up the drive to do anything about it. I desperately want someone else to make it better for me. That said, things are nowhere near as bad as they were 6 months ago. But i'm so disappointed, because I thought once I got better last time, that was it, no more depression.
I'd really like to hear from anyone else in a similar situation now or in the past, and how you helped yourself with it. I know at the end of the day I'm the only one who can fix this, just right now I really don't want to.
Thanks