Depressed about losing hair

LegacyUser

First of all, this is not about vanity. Let me make this clear, it is about confidence and self worth. Definitely not vanity.

I'm in my 30's and my hairloss has started to accelerate. It is absolutely killing me as I feel so down about it.

I I know you will say, look at x or y or z and how they carry it off. But, I really don't suite it and I don't want to.

All through my growing up I've had a poor social life. I've been shy and hid away from things. I'm still a virgin and it is now at the stage where I'm too scared to even think about having a relationship, it's as if I've morphed into someone who is asexual. I don't think I'm capable of having a relationship.

But, losing my hair is making me feel so much worse. It is like my youthfulness is being taken away from me before I've lived my youth. I see myself getting old and am realising that I have not lived my life. Probably a shrink would say it is not the hairloss that is the issue but what is symbolises. I look back and I see nothing. No memories of youth that I really care to remember. A wasted life.

Confident men can carry off hair loss. I can't. I feel naked and really upset. Having hair is not about attracting females. It is about me having confidence to get on with life and not looking in mirrors at my receding hairline and looking enviously at others with full thatches.

You might laugh and mock me for this, but I have so many issues in my life that I could really do without this as well.

At the end of the day, I'm a short, not very good looking virgin with bad teeth, a receeding hairline and loads of issues.

edellc

Firstly your comment on confident men carrying off hair loss...every man who experiences hair loss feels upset about it, my two cousins went bald in their 20's and another had a full head of grey hair in his 20's, all felt self consious about it but their not millionairs and could afford the wayne rooney plugs so they just have to suck it up and get on with it and believe me neither have the heads to be bald but it is what it is and they cant do anything about it so just accept it and that is unfortunately what you are going to have to do.

Your bad teeth- easily fixed go to a dentist and get it sorted, there are things about our appearances we all hate, some we can change and some we cant you can sort your teeth out so do it.

None of us look in the mirror in the morning either and think we are supermodels we are what we are, its about dressing for your shape and making the most of what you have, I've yet to meet someone who thinks their the bomb...apart from some teenagers that is

What I'm trying to say to you is confidence is a state of mind, you become confident when you are comfortable doing something for example are you confident in your ability to do your job? , its about being comfortable with who you are and accepting that not everyone will like you and being okay with that, but likewise there will be those who do and its just about connecting with them. Doing this is hard I know but its about putting yourself out of your comfort zone, have your joined any societies or clubs that you have an interest in as its easier to meet and connect with people who you have a common interest with.

What about dating websites have you tried any, they are full of people who find it hard to do the whole face to face thing and it can be easier to connect on line first and once a friendship is established its easier for both of you to do the whole meet up in person thing as there is already a connection there.

If you can afford it then maybe a few counselling sessions can help you with tools to use when approaching people and being assertive thus coming across as confident. Also maybe a trip to the doctors to assess you for depression and the doc can recommend some treatment for you too.

You really are probable not as bad as you think you are, your just down on yourself at the minute.

Best of luck op

ljpg

some very good advice in the previous post,i'm in me thirtys too and as grey as a badger,if it starts to fall out so be it!!!!!!,i'll be getting it cut down to the clay grant mitchell style,try not to let it bother you so much as this is an issue almost every man have to deal with at some stage of there lives so your not alone,chin up lad

cantdecide

I was well on my way at 19. I'll be 31 next week and I can tell you that my shiny bonce hasn't bothered me in years. It was the bain of my existence when it started especially when my generation were young and beautiful. You will get to a stage where your hair line means nothing to you any more. Just do your best to get there.

As above, try a self improvement drive and focus on the things that you have the power to change and slowly your latest hurdle will pale into insignificance.

goat2

i was sick when i was 27 and lost all my beautiful waste length hair over the course of a week, yes i had a good cry,
then i went about finding ways to take the attention away from the fact that i was bauld, i had 2 very young children one of them was only six weeks old at the time, my husband just called me cojak, e would not mind but he himself was also bauld, i used to say we look like twins, i loved it,
but i was glad of all that i had

first of all i did not have to shampoo, condition and blow dry all that hair, it was like a holiday, and of course those hairdressing trips it saved me a fortune,

i used to wear a scarf worn somewhat like the indian ladies wear them, and had different colour and makes of scarves for all occasions, which meant whether it be jeans or dress up i had a scarf to go with it,
i bought the earings a bit bigger, wore a neck jewellery that would stand out a bit,
i do have my hair back, but dont make a big thing of it anymore.
and if i do lose it again in the morning, i will not shed a tear, because there are other ways of looking our best,

all i say to you is
there is a saying that goes,
lord may i change the things i can,
accept the things i cannot change,
and the wisdom to know the difference

pearcider

Hi OP. i can sympathise since i started balding in my 20's but did some research and took action. We now have very effective non surgical treatments for hairloss. You should look into the big 3; finasteride, minoxidil and nizoral shampoo. It does take time but you should see results within 6 months to a year. These medications have changed my life and I now have great hair. Same thing goes for your teeth. Totally fixable. You would benefit from working out and eating healthily as well but definitely see your GP regarding the hair loss. You don't have to suffer in silence.

SharpshooterTom

Hi OP, I can only echo the the poster above's advice. You can be prescribed propecia by a gp in addition to buying regaine, and nizoral shampoo as suggested, be careful though there are potential side affects so you might want to read about them first before hand.

OP, you say you are short, how tall are you? Everyone has a different definition of what short is.

Also if being a virgin bothers you, as it does me (I'm 26), in addition to having issues with confidence, you can see a counsellor, maybe just for a chat, get things off your chest and talk to someone. Its what I'm doing right now, it doesn't work miracles but it gives me a sense of direction and the possibility to address and challenge my confidence issues. I attempted suicide over it back in april just so you know, and have considered suicide many many times over the summer, as I needed to talk to someone. Maybe you should consider it. Therapy could be a good option for you.

shalalala

My OH started going bald at 17. He is now 22 and he has shaved his head. Thing is, hair is not a sign of youthfulness unless you put that importance on it yourself. So try not to.

McCrack

The issues the OP has aside I dont see the problem with a man starting to recede or begin to grow grey in his 30's.

Really what is the issue people have with this and feel the need to get treatment etc? I think these are just used as a scapegoat for deeper and underlying things.

If the hair is starting to recede, get a razor and 1 or 2 blade it all. Looks neat and fine.

LegacyUser

edellc wrote: »

Your bad teeth- easily fixed go to a dentist and get it sorted, there are things about our appearances we all hate, some we can change and some we cant you can sort your teeth out so do it.

I have an appt with a dentist to see if it is worth it. It will cost approx €3,500 and it is a lot of money.

are you confident in your ability to do your job?

No. I am reluctant to make decisions and often feel that I'm out of my depth.

What about dating websites have you tried any, they are full of people who find it hard to do the whole face to face thing and it can be easier to connect on line first and once a friendship is established its easier for both of you to do the whole meet up in person thing as there is already a connection there.

I'm too embarassed to do online dating. I've never had a relationship before and the thought of one (despite wanting one) freaks me out a bit.

If you can afford it then maybe a few counselling sessions can help you with tools to use when approaching people and being assertive thus coming across as confident. Also maybe a trip to the doctors to assess you for depression and the doc can recommend some treatment for you too.

I've had numerous treatments for depression including counselling and fluoxetine (prozac). I've got another set of counselling sessions soon and these will probably be my last attempt at fixing things.

Best of luck op

Thanks.

You should look into the big 3; finasteride, minoxidil and nizoral shampoo.

You can be prescribed propecia by a gp

I have been on finasteride for a number of years now. It has had an adverse effect on me. Weaker erections, watery semen, and a constant ache in my perineum. It is not a good drug and I want to get off it.
As for regaine/minoxidil, I've been told that it does nothing for temple hair loss. Plus it is toxic to cats. Is that really something to rub on your head?

curlzy

Hey OP,

Nothing to add really. Just wanted to give you a *hug* and tell you that it's very sad that you are so down on yourself. Everyone deserves to be happy and you do too. Please don't give up on yourself! If this counselling doesn't help then try another please, sometimes it takes a while to find the right counsellor.

So yeah don't give up, I know life is hard for you but don't give up.

Best of luck.