Feeling Down & Out

TheFella

Was seeing a girl for the few months. We clicked really well, both liked each other a lot. She even told me she loved after a couple months.

Everything was great bar a couple minor fights which would be forgoton after an hour.

Last week she got kinda cagey, had a lot of family stress, said she needed space, but a day or two later was on about meeting up. Then had a family berevement.

Anyway we were chatting normally again last few nights. Then noticed she had deleted me from facebook last night. I actually had to text her what was up. Got a text saying she wasn't ready for a relationship best of luck in the future and please not contact her after that.

That really hurt me. Not just the fact she was ending it, but the fact all I was to get was a text. In a way I should be glad after her not knowing what she wanted drama, but still. We had been meeting a good few times and talking everyday for three months and this is how she was ending it There was a bit of distance and at the start I was doubtful but she begged me to try cause she liked me so much and said it was worth it.

I text her and said the least she could do was say goodbye over the phone after so long of talking everyday and seeing each other a good bit.

She rang and I was told after some pressing that she only realized she still loves her ex who she has been broken up with for over a year. Here's the thing, he cheated on her loads and made her feel like crap. She always said she'd never get back with him. But apparently after hearing the day before yesterday that he had left the country it hit her hard. She was sobbing saying it just hit her that "its over forever"

I mean I can understand some feelings, but if she said she loves me and doesn't ever want to get back with him why push me away? She says shes not in the right place and is going to stay out of a relationship for a long time.

Honestly I don't think she knows whats shes doing or what she wants. Did she ever love me? I said just be honest, it was fine if she didn't but she was adamant she does.

We had a long talk and I said some hurtful things, but to be told for the last while everyday that she loves me, but yet is now saying goodbye and was going to leave it at a text really upset me.

Whats worse is I thought I was doing ok late last night and today. I really liked her and think I'd have fallen for her but said to myself I'll be ok after a few days.

But in the last few hours I've been so down. A few times today I've looked forward to talking to her later on the phone but then realiaze I won't be from now on

I've very low and am in tears writhing this, I think I've been fooling myself in thinking I'm ok. Think deep down I cared for her a lot more than I thought and its killing me its over

isabelle1176

Well, you did your best for this relationship to work. I would say move on with your life and later on,when her ex will do bad again, she will crawl back to you. Only to find out that you've moved on. Time is a healer...

desbrook

You simply can't do more - she knows how you feel. Leave it ... move on and do all the things this forum always advises in this circumstance . Ie. Excercise , keep busy etc . In this case I happen to actually believe her reason for ending it. You are actually better off - would you rather date someone who really wants someone else ? You know it's for the best ... but yea .... it's hard!

TheFella

I know I've done all I can. I'm not going to be contacting her, got rid of her numbers and everything.

It's just I've been wondering if she was all lies. I mean she could hardly love me if she still loved him? Then to say she was simply gonna disappear with just a text and wishing me luck in the future... Like as in she doesn't even see the possibility of us down the road or anything. None of what she said can be true if she's just cutting me out like that. She said it was for the best as she's only hurting me with the way she is. I can understand wanting to leave us for now, but its the finality of the way she was ending it.

I mean if she hadn't ever said she loved me it would be one thing, I'd prob just say she wasn't that into me. But who goes around telling someone they love them for months if they don't mean it? I'm also afraid this carry on will make me doubt any future girl if she's genuine.

I hope I'll be ok in a week or so. I just need to get all these things out there and like listening to others views, it helps.

TheFella

She also said while she loves him she'd never get back with him after what he done. But after hearing her sobbing saying the fact he's left the country it hit her its finally over forever and she also said over the summer he was gonna call to a friends where she was but she said she told not to as she never wanted to see him again. But then said she doesn't want to see him again cause of what he did and the fact she feared she'd fall for him if she met him again.

Am I paranoid to think it's most likely she secretly hoped/thought they would get back together eventually?

desbrook

TheFella wrote: »

She also said while she loves him she'd never get back with him after what he done. But after hearing her sobbing saying the fact he's left the country it hit her its finally over forever and she also said over the summer he was gonna call to a friends where she was but she said she told not to as she never wanted to see him again. But then said she doesn't want to see him again cause of what he did and the fact she feared she'd fall for him if she met him again.

Am I paranoid to think it's most likely she secretly hoped/thought they would get back together eventually?

It's not that you are or aren't paranoid - it simply doesn't matter. She wanted to finish it for whatever reason (although I think her reasons ring true) . You had a lucky escape - lots of people tell their partner they love them for years even marry them hoping they will "grow into love " and forget an ex!
Replaying and replaying the situation is an easy trap to fall into. It won't help. What will help is keep focussed on a new future single for the moment and possibly with someone new in time. Make a fresh start in any way you can. New clothes new hobby, new haircut , it all helps! I've been there, most of us have ;-)

IrishEyes19

OP, I'm sorry for the way she treated you, no one deserves that!!

Personally I don't believe your gf is pining over an ex who has "left" the country. I think its extremely harsh and strange for a person to delete someone of fb when they didnt fight previously and seemed on good terms. the normal thing would be to tell the person its over. this girl seems to have taken the "delete him and he'll just disappear approach." Its all very strange.

I would be inclined to believe she is seeing someone else and used the ex as excuse. Its awful the way she ended it and if the ex moving away story is true, well she has no respect for you because you do not act like that towards someone you love. you really dont.

I know its hard but let her go and get on with her life. We all have to learn it the hard way sometimes. That even when we give someone the best of us, they may not want it or treat us the way we deserve.

And trust me move on now, start the healing process or you'll just prolong the misery. I am all for believing that people have issues and relationships arent always on the cards for them right now. But I also believe that if someone really likes you enough they will do whatever they can to overcome that and fight for you! Dont sell yourself short, go out there and find that girl who wants the same as you do.