Giving up again.

TeddyTedson

After once again getting myself into all sorts of unwanted situations I'm this week definitely not going to be drinking. My phone will be turned off tomorrow after I'm finished work and I'll watch some Netflix in the evening.
I'm also going to quit my team because there's too much a drinking culture involved.

The pain my body has been going through while withdrawing makes me think I'm actually about to die.
I can't remember the last weekend I haven't had a drink, I don't think it was even this year. I'd never have "a drink" either which is obviously the problem. It's basically keep going all weekend until I'm back in work. The money I've pissed away.

I hope I can post back here on Sunday evening and say I've done it!!

Sunnyisland

Go for it Teddy, it seems alcohol is slowly destroying your life,you need to do something now,There are many good posts here that will help you,read them and post your own thoughts,see ya back here Sunday with your good reports.

hubba

TeddyTedson wrote: »

After once again getting myself into all sorts of unwanted situations I'm this week definitely not going to be drinking. My phone will be turned off tomorrow after I'm finished work and I'll watch some Netflix in the evening.
I'm also going to quit my team because there's too much a drinking culture involved.

The pain my body has been going through while withdrawing makes me think I'm actually about to die.
I can't remember the last weekend I haven't had a drink, I don't think it was even this year. I'd never have "a drink" either which is obviously the problem. It's basically keep going all weekend until I'm back in work. The money I've pissed away.

I hope I can post back here on Sunday evening and say I've done it!!

You can do it, TT.

TeddyTedson

That's Friday done!
I've been up since 07:30

From experience the first weekend is always the hardest, I should find the next one relatively easy

Sunnyisland

TeddyTedson wrote: »

That's Friday done!
I've been up since 07:30

From experience the first weekend is always the hardest, I should find the next one relatively easy

You have the tools in place you need, right Teddy ?

This road your going on can be a bumby one so exercise lots of.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine other stimulants
Sleep well
Try meditation only a few mins a day
Have a strong network of people who know the real you and your problems.
Be strong and I hope you do this for yourself Teddy

hubba

TeddyTenson, I hope you are looking forward to a fantastic Monday morning .. clear head, rested, full of energy.

L.Jenkins

You can do it bud. Think of things to occupy your time on the weekends. Do you have any other interests?

TeddyTedson

I did it, woohooo
Feel great.

Itzy wrote: »

You can do it bud. Think of things to occupy your time on the weekends. Do you have any other interests?

I actually have LOTS of interests but they've all kind of become sidelined over the years. :mad: Where does the time go!


I actually think I'm experiencing some weird adrenalin rush right now for what ever reason. It might be the fact that I'm wide awake listening to fairly upbeat music:p I feel like I could jump out of my window right now and be ok. My eyes are dilated like crazy too and have millions of thoughts flooding into my mind. Just thought I'd add that part
(I'm not on drugs just in case that sounds like I am.)

hubba

See TT? It can be done and you did it. Well done. Sounds like you are having a natural high there. Totally free, totally legal and not only not bad for your health but it's actually GREAT for your health. I've been getting plently of those since I quit, especially since I took up new sports and hobbies. Sometimes I just can't believe that feeling so good is legal. Reading that back it sounds a bit corny but there's just no other way of putting it.

Enjoy!

the_syco

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I actually have LOTS of interests but they've all kind of become sidelined over the years. :mad: Where does the time go!

I'd advise you to get back into those interests before the coming weekend! I'd wonder if a couple of those interests happen early Saturday or Sunday which doesn't really happen if you got plastered the night before.

Best of luck

anhedonia

hubba wrote: »

I've been getting plently of those since I quit, especially since I took up new sports and hobbies. Sometimes I just can't believe that feeling so good is legal. Reading that back it sounds a bit corny but there's just no other way of putting it.

Yep, its called peace of mind,
When I first quit I couldnt get over it either, I was thinking 'do other people know about this? Can we bottle it and sell it? ' Ha.

L.Jenkins

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I actually think I'm experiencing some weird adrenalin rush right now for what ever reason. It might be the fact that I'm wide awake listening to fairly upbeat music:p I feel like I could jump out of my window right now and be ok. My eyes are dilated like crazy too and have millions of thoughts flooding into my mind. Just thought I'd add that part
(I'm not on drugs just in case that sounds like I am.)

Think I've felt like that on many an occasion. It's worse when you start to feel low on energy. I suppose, getting out and finding an interest to pursue again will help. Leaving your mind to sit and think long enough gives rise to devils work.

For a feeling of Euphoria like what you describe, maybe go for something high in intensity. It will wear you out, but leave you feeling good afterwards.

hubba

anhedonia wrote: »

Yep, its called peace of mind,
When I first quit I couldnt get over it either, I was thinking 'do other people know about this? Can we bottle it and sell it? ' Ha.

Exactly, Anhedonia. And sometimes there's a touch of 'why didn't I discover this sooner? How did I miss this? Why did no-one tell me?

But no regrets .. onwards and upwards.

libnation

I have felt that thing before its a bit weird no? Like what is the science behind it? I am skeptic about everything so this sort of 'high on life' thing pains me to say but I definitely never got that feeling before (or that I can remember).

I most certain never felt that way when drinking. So I am guessing alcohol depresses something or other or something... Help me out!

hubba

I quit because I was unhappy and I was unhappy because I was stagnating, achieving nothing, wasting the hours away either waiting to drink, drinking or recovering from drink.

So, when I quit I set specific goals for myself and one of them was physical. I went about achieving this goal through planning, persistance, discipline and basically being gentle and kind with myself (new to me) and when I achieved the first goal I had set myself I was just so bloody proud of myself that I was as high as a kite for days. A serious high, which had nothing to do with anyone else, didn't cost anything, wasn't dependent on anyone elses help or input and in fact it was an outdoor thing, not even dependant on a gym or equipment.

This was totally new to me and a bit bewildering at first to be honest. I almost felt guilty but since then I've had a few more and not only am I getting a lot happier with myself, I'm growing in confidence and much less pre-occupied with what others think of me. It's a wonderful feeling if you have, like me, spent years in a prison of self doubt, depression and anxiety.

So this is just a long winded explanation of how I experienced my first high, generated from within, all me. I hope it helps.

TeddyTedson

I failed again and am paying for it. Jesus am I paying for it mentally right now. I honestly wish I could take those tablets that don't let you drink or had a bit more will power!
The thoughts in my head are driving me insane. I just want to curl up and hide for a few days.

hubba

It might be useful to write down exactly how bad you feel right now. That would be very useful to re-read when you quit again and have a weak moment. It should also make you feel a bit better in the short term to get all those feelings out of your head and on paper. You can do this, don't lose hope.

Hidalgo

Don't know if this will help but it could be worth a try.

Plan something like a long holiday/new car etc, whatever really.
Use the money that would have been booze vouchers & put it aside for whatever you've planned, say its a travelling holiday. Could help resist the temptation to go drinking if you can convince yourself that the money will be needed for your big plan.

If you feel your being 'dragged' along for nights on the tear by your friends, then maybe you need to take the harsh road & avoid them for a while. Until you get it out of your system.

bootybouncer

The money element is rubbish, ie saving it.............you have to want to quit for mental and physical benefits, you will always justify drinking or smoking if you try give it up for monetary gains

Health aspects is the winner

Ando's Saggy Bottom

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I failed again and am paying for it. Jesus am I paying for it mentally right now. I honestly wish I could take those tablets that don't let you drink or had a bit more will power!
The thoughts in my head are driving me insane. I just want to curl up and hide for a few days.

Sounds to me like you need some outside help with this Teddy, be it AA or going to see your GP or a counsellor. Will power seems to be something you tried more than once and it seems not to be working. As the man says "insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results." Maybe its time to try something different. Best of luck with it anyway and don't give up.

TeddyTedson

I appreciate all the advice.
I would like to try a councilor to be honest but I wouldn't be able to get past the mental barrier of actually going. It's a vicious cycle.
I didn't take a break all weekend and feel so bad again because of it. My arms are cut and my knees hurt. I probably fell. My heart fells like it going to explode all day. The depression is unbearable, luckily when I don't drink I'm a lot happier than the average person. Suicidal thoughts, I'd be worried I'd do it when I'm sort of sobering up on a Sunday night when it starts to sink in and I'm still drunk. I ate virtually nothing all weekend either.
When I tell people I'm not drinking they still ring me and buy me pints. I keep telling them how it gets me and I'm sure they know but don't seem to ever listen to me.

But yea, doing the same thing and expecting different results is definitely insanity, hopefully I can kick it soon. My heart was never this sore and my throat is killing me. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack.

bootybouncer

How old are ya Teddy as a matter of interest?? dude you really need to do what's best for you, forget about so called friends etc, go to your folks or family, tell them you have a serious problem and that you need help, let it begin from there, sounds like you need to get your foundations right,................you can do it dude, I did, pm if you want at any time, chin up

Sunnyisland

Teddy don't mind the wanting to be a councillor, Go to one now. You know and by reading your posts here we know that you need some professional help re your drinking habits, Go and get it now.

Said with the upmost respect.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I appreciate all the advice.
I would like to try a councilor to be honest but I wouldn't be able to get past the mental barrier of actually going. It's a vicious cycle.
I didn't take a break all weekend and feel so bad again because of it. My arms are cut and my knees hurt. I probably fell. My heart fells like it going to explode all day. The depression is unbearable, luckily when I don't drink I'm a lot happier than the average person. Suicidal thoughts, I'd be worried I'd do it when I'm sort of sobering up on a Sunday night when it starts to sink in and I'm still drunk. I ate virtually nothing all weekend either.
When I tell people I'm not drinking they still ring me and buy me pints. I keep telling them how it gets me and I'm sure they know but don't seem to ever listen to me.

But yea, doing the same thing and expecting different results is definitely insanity, hopefully I can kick it soon. My heart was never this sore and my throat is killing me. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Teddy, seriously read this back. You can't live like this. You'll end up dead if you keep doing this every weekend. Just withdraw from your social circle for a while, or permanently if you have to. Its too easy to blame other people for "buying you pints" etc: total cop out to be perfectly honest with you. If you've gotten drunk its because you made the decision to go and get drunk. You can't go blaming anyone else for it and you'll never ever stop if you keep shifting the blame onto others.

Go online, find a counsellor near you or an AA Meeting and just go along. You talk about a mental block but which is more really more difficult - going to talk to someone with the skills to help you or ending up in the absolute horrors next weekend again. Its your decision and your life, but it looks like a no-brainer to me. You either want to get better or you don't. Your call.

But everytime you come on here describing another session and another hangover it reads to me like somone who wants all the anonymous sympathy someone with a drink problem can get online without really making all the hard decisions he needs to make to get better properly.

I'm not trying to make you feel worse by the way but you need some honesty from what I can see here.

TeddyTedson

I've been reading a lot of the other threads and I'm going to buy Allen Carrs book. I was 26 three weeks ago btw.
I just don't like the idea of not being around my friends when they are drinking. Some of them would mostly be in a worse state than me when we're drinking, but I tend to drink more and faster. It goes down too easy and for most of the night I won't seem crazily drunk. It's just that if I started drinking at 8 on a Friday I won't remember much after 12. I just wake up the next day and am so glad if I'm at home. On an average night I'd get in between 6-7.
I remember Friday gone being in a nightclub earlier than usual, then black out, then being in a taxi with a girl who to put it mildly would not be my type in a million years. We were then stumbling the streets like two down and outs. I don't even remember exactly what happened but I just ended up walking off on her or something I think and going home.

I'm rambling on there trying to piece back the night myself which is pointless at this stage and I don't really want to remember because it's making me anxious.

Ideally, I'd like to be able to go out with friends and never drink more than 6 or 8 pints. Over 8 hours or so I wouldn't experience that horrible withdrawing of alcohol feeling with heart pains and all sorts of mental hell going through my brain.
Well actually ideally I'd prefer not to ever want a drink again and maybe then book can at least be a step in the right direction.

Merkin

I think you're kidding yourself Teddy.This ideal world of going out and sticking to six pints is impossible when you're an alcoholic, which you clearly are.You need to stop drinking and as such you need to get yourself to a good GP who will advise you on the best course of action for you and how to quit for good in a safe manner.

Merkin

TeddyTedson wrote: »

When I tell people I'm not drinking they still ring me and buy me pints. I keep telling them how it gets me and I'm sure they know but don't seem to ever listen to me.

Something I just wanted to add in light of the above statement. These are not real friends. Drinking buddies yes but really supportive friends with your best interests at heart? No. You say they all drink heavily and misery likes company so of course it makes them uncomfortable when you say you're planning on quitting, it makes them question their own drinking habits. If you're serious about giving up then you need to avoid these people and surround yourself with people who appreciate the level of your problem and how keen you are to rectify it. People who care about you will want to help and won't put obstacles in your way.

libnation

I appreciate that people are coming from a good place here but the OP's story is very similar to the majority of 18-30 year olds.

OP I recommend Alan Carr's book for a different attitude on drinking - no need to ditch your friends or attend a GSp yet.

anhedonia

libnation wrote: »

I appreciate that people are coming from a good place here but the OP's story is very similar to the majority of 18-30 year olds.

OP I recommend Alan Carr's book for a different attitude on drinking - no need to ditch your friends or attend a GSp yet.

I was in the OPs situation when I was 26, in that the weekend benders were killing me, and I knew I should do something about it. But at that point I couldnt visualize the rest of my life without alcohol, it seemed like my life would be over, so I tried every kinda way to better moderate my excesses. These attempts at moderation would fail and I soldiered on through the misery for another 4 years until I finally threw in the towel.

If i'd been honest with myself about my alcoholism when I was 26 I could've saved myself 4 more years of heartache.

Alcoholism is a self-diagnosis, and it means that you have decided you can no longer control your drinking. You do not have to be a homeless wino to come to this decision, for me personally it meant that If I went for a couple of pints on a friday I would be on it for the whole weekend, even if I didnt want to be. I found it very difficult to stop or moderate once I got started. On the surface everything seemed fine, decent job, my own apartment etc, but really I was miserable struggling through the week.

Only the op can decide if he is alcoholic or not, but from reading his posts sounds like he's heading in that direction

Anyway wishing you the best Teddy, it doesnt have to be this way anymore.

Tom_Cruise

Im also mid twenties.

What i have noticed is that around the age of 24 or so alot of friends,people i know etc really start to question there drinking. Its also the age that the hangovers get alot worse and last for a few days, going by my own experiences and the word of others - no more all night sessions and work the next day without a wink of sleep!

mickrock

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I've been reading a lot of the other threads and I'm going to buy Allen Carrs book.

I'd also recommend "Rational Recovery" by Jack Trimpey.

It's based around the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT):

"Observe your thoughts and feelings, positive and negative, about drinking or using. Thoughts and feelings which support continued use are called the Addictive Voice (AV); those which support abstinence are you. When you recognize and understand your AV, it becomes not-you, but "it," an easily-defeated enemy that has been causing you to drink. All it wants is pleasure. "I want a drink," becomes, "It wants a drink." Think to yourself, "I will never drink again," and listen for its reaction. Your negative thoughts and feelings are your AV talking back to you. Now, think, "I will drink/use whenever I please." Your pleasant feelings are also the AV, which is in control. Recovery is not a process; it is an event. The magic word is "Never," as in, "I will never drink/use again." Recognition defeats short-term desire, and abstinence soon becomes effortless. Complete separation of "you" from "it" leads to complete recovery and hope for a better life. The only time you can drink is now, and the only time you can quit for good is right now. "I will never drink/use again," becomes, "I never drink now." It's not hard; anyone can do it."


http://www.rational.org/index.php?id=36