issues with ex

dearg lady

I'm having some issues, I'm not really sure what to do. We're split up about 5 or 6 weeks. I haven't heard much from him, and thought it was going ok, but the last few days I've been getting a lot of depressed msg's from him. Suicide has been mentioned a few times. I'm 99% sure it's only to manipulate me, but there is obviously a little bit of doubt.
So there's 2 issues I need advice on, should I contact someone, a friend or family member of his to ask them to keep an eye on him? I'm not close with any of them, so I'm not sure.
Secondly, I feel like I need to extricate myself, I don't think it;s beneficial for either of us to keep going around in circles, he's not interested in my advice anyway, he;s so stubborn! So would it be selfish of me to say look, I can't do this anymore, you need to speak to someone else? I'm having trouble being objective, and I don't know if I'm being selfish

ElleEm

I don't think it would be selfish of you to tell him to stop contacting you, but I would do it gently.

Regardless of whether the mention of suicide is manipulation or not, it should still be dealt with sensitively. Is there anyone you know HE is close to that you know would manage it sensitively?

You need to look after yourself, but I would make sure you know he is okay by telling one of his friends/ family members to mind him. Then cut the contact.

dearg lady

ElleEm wrote: »

I don't think it would be selfish of you to tell him to stop contacting you, but I would do it gently.

Regardless of whether the mention of suicide is manipulation or not, it should still be dealt with sensitively. Is there anyone you know HE is close to that you know would manage it sensitively?

You need to look after yourself, but I would make sure you know he is okay by telling one of his friends/ family members to mind him. Then cut the contact.

Thanks for getting back to me. Part of his issues stem from saying none of his friends care about him, so I really don't know. He has a friend that he sees regularly who I could contact through Facebook who i think would handle it sensitively, but I'm not sure.

I have been suggesting he talk to a professional and/or friends and he just won't have any of it. I'm trying to be sensitive, but it's very difficult, it seems like no matter what I say, I'm told it's the wrong thing. He's started saying pretty horrible things to me too.

Herrick

If you can at all, I would do my best to get in contact with his parents.

Ring them up and tell them your worried after what he's been saying. The worst part is its very likely he is only saying these things to get you to get back with him. If that's the case it will catch him out and embarrass him enough to cop on and know no normal person carries on like this.

I know of one or two that used pull this on their exes to guilt them into getting back together but cut it out fairly sharpish once there family knew what was going on. Simply because they never had any intention of carrying through on these threats and were dying of embarrassment as they were exposed.

But if its a genieune case and your ex really is feeling like this, at least you'll have done all you can do in informing his family.

Then cut ALL contact. I've been where you are and someone putting all this this kinda stuff on you will really mess you up. Inform his family and get out.

ABajaninCork

Then I would just block his number or change yours. He's being manipulative now. You have no reason to feel guilty. You've done all you can. You were his partner NOT his mother! He is responsible for his own actions - leave him to it.

Merkin

I've been in this position and I didn't know if he was being a master manipulator or whether he was ill. In the end I contacted a friend of his to say I was worried and could he keep an eye on him. That way I was able to cut ties but also keeping an eye out for him without getting involved. Don't get sucked in but do contact his friend, if he's a decent friend he'll appreciate you letting him know.

dearg lady

Just tried to find his parents number but they must be ex directory. So I guess I should let a friend know to keep an eye on him

Herrick

dearg lady wrote: »

Just tried to find his parents number but they must be ex directory. So I guess I should let a friend know to keep an eye on him

Has he any brothers or sisters you could try?

dearg lady

Herrick wrote: »

Has he any brothers or sisters you could try?

No siblings. I spoke to a friend who knows him too, she thinks the same as me, he's bluffing but even just the tiniest bit of doubt, and I have to do something!

Herrick

dearg lady wrote: »

No siblings. I spoke to a friend who knows him too, she thinks the same as me, he's bluffing but even just the tiniest bit of doubt, and I have to do something!

Ah ok. Were you seeing each other long? I suppose you didn't meet his parents? As in you couldn't just call round for a quick chat if you have no other means?

Only reason I keep mentioning his parents is you can often tell "friends" who may just only ask is he ok and leave it at that you know.

Your prob out of options bar his friend so, unless he can put you in contact with them.

dearg lady

Herrick wrote: »

Ah ok. Were you seeing each other long? I suppose you didn't meet his parents? As in you couldn't just call round for a quick chat if you have no other means?

Only reason I keep mentioning his parents is you can often tell "friends" who may just only ask is he ok and leave it at that you know.

Your prob out of options bar his friend so, unless he can put you in contact with them.

I have met his parents. He actually lives with them, so I could show up and he'd be there. I just went trawling through my phone and found a number I think is his dads mobile, Now to work up the courage to call. I'm a nervous wreck!
Thanks for your help.

ABajaninCork

Like Nike - Just Do It!!

Herrick

dearg lady wrote: »

I have met his parents. He actually lives with them, so I could show up and he'd be there. I just went trawling through my phone and found a number I think is his dads mobile, Now to work up the courage to call. I'm a nervous wreck!
Thanks for your help.

Ah I figured, that would be awkward alright.

If it is his number, your doing the right thing. Just say you sorry for calling but your worried after some of the things his son has been saying and while your no longer together you don't want to see him hurt himself.

Best and luck

dearg lady

I texted him one more time to try to give him an 'out'. Didn't work. Phoned his parents, and cried a lot. His mam was glad I rang anyway. She seemed to take it very well, so maybe I'm over reacting, but at least I tried.
Thanks a million for all the advice guys.