Not sure what to do

LegacyUser

Hi,

My parents live abroad and come home a few times a year and as per most married couples we spend every 2nd Christmas with our respective parents.

This year is the turn of my in-laws which is grand, we'll be spending a week up in their place in Tyrone, which obviously means our house in Limerick is empty.

When my parents comes home they use my house as a base as my brother only rents a room in a flat so they stay with us in our house and tend to do all their visiting from our place. Problem is I reckon they're going to ask if they can stay in our house while we're with the in-laws this Christmas.

Now I can see why they would think it'd be no harm to ask but they'll put me in a tough position as I know my wife won't like it. She doesn't like my parents using the house as a 'hotel'.....

So should I just say No to keep my wife happy or is it a reasonable request to ask for the house for the week?

It's a cr@p situation because when I say No they'll know it isn't from me and then comes the usual 'does your wife have a problem with us' - no she doesn't but at times my parents don't realise they're asking for a lot

gigawatt2007

Just tell your folks it's too much, it is your house after all.

CdeC

Ah they're your folks. Why would you send them to the extra expense of a hotel. If it was a friend then maybe but when it;s family I think you should let them.

IF it was your wifes parents would she chuck em into a hotel??

Pippy1976

"So should I just say No to keep my wife happy or is it a reasonable request to ask for the house for the week? "

Do not say no to keep your wife happy. Say no if YOU want to say no. However, I do think it's a reasonable request to ask for the house to use as a base IF IT'S GOING TO BE EMPTY!

Sure, what's the harm? They're you're parents and it's your house too so I'm guessing you have a 50/50 say in who stays there. IT'S EMPTY!!! It's the least you can do.

20260622

ToSayNoOrNot wrote: »

Hi,

My parents live abroad and come home a few times a year and as per most married couples we spend every 2nd Christmas with our respective parents.

This year is the turn of my in-laws which is grand, we'll be spending a week up in their place in Tyrone, which obviously means our house in Limerick is empty.

When my parents comes home they use my house as a base as my brother only rents a room in a flat so they stay with us in our house and tend to do all their visiting from our place. Problem is I reckon they're going to ask if they can stay in our house while we're with the in-laws this Christmas.

Now I can see why they would think it'd be no harm to ask but they'll put me in a tough position as I know my wife won't like it. She doesn't like my parents using the house as a 'hotel'.....

So should I just say No to keep my wife happy or is it a reasonable request to ask for the house for the week?

It's a cr@p situation because when I say No they'll know it isn't from me and then comes the usual 'does your wife have a problem with us' - no she doesn't but at times my parents don't realise they're asking for a lot

What exactly is your wife's problem? They're your parents at the end of the day, if your not going be in the house, you have someone to look after the place and they don't have to fork out a small fortune on accomodation at the most expensive time if year.
How would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Completely different story I reckon, imho, she is being very unreasonable. We all used our parents house as at 'hotel' until we were old enough to pay our own way so I think it's hardly unreasonable of them to ask to stay in your place while it's unoccupied, it's not like they'll be running amok!

woodchuck

I think so long as your parents leave the place as they found it then I don't think it's an unreasonable request.

It sounds like win/win to me;
- You get someone to watch the house while you're away
- They get somewhere to stay instead of shelling out a fortune for a hotel

Why exactly does your wife not want them staying there? Would they be sleeping in your bedroom? I can sort of understand how that might be a little offputting, but could you come to a compromise and set up a guest room for them or something?

slarkin123

I'd rather have someone staying in the house rather than be left empty. There are tons of house burglaries over the Christmas period. Also they are your parents in the end and id say tough if the wife doesn't like it. Would she are her own parents stuck in the same way. I don't get on with my father in law but i wouldnt see even him stuck if there was an empty house sitting there.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, to answer some of the questions asked....

What is my wife's problem - she feels that when my folks come home that she loses the run of the house and that it's not hers any longer. because they live abroad my fols tend to come home for 5/6/7 days at a time, whereas her folks come more frequently for weekends.

What do I want to do - personally I don't care as long as everyone's happy, I don't care if they stay in the house or not!

Sleeping arrangements - we have 2 spare rooms so they would certainly not be using our bed!

Another point which wasn't mentioned is that my bro and his partner always arrive down too so it isn't just my folks who stop over.

Pippy1976

ToSayNoOrNot wrote: »

she feels that when my folks come home that she loses the run of the house and that it's not hers any longer.

You guys aren't going to be there... so technically, in this instance, your wife doesn't have an argument here.

Let your folks have the house.

username123

Youve two different problems.

Letting your parents use the house.

Letting your parents blame your wife for mutual decisions. (I say mutual because even if you dont mind, if you say no it comes from both of you).

On the house - thats entirely your own business, personally I wouldnt care, but if your wife would rather not have your family in her home while she isnt in it then so be it. You two need to talk about this and come to agreement - whatever that agreement is.

On 'Does your wife have a problem with us' - you need to man up and tell your parents that it is offensive and awkward for them to say something like that about your wife. Your wife is your family now and it is unacceptable for your parents (or anyone else) to make negative comments like that about her and somehow paint her as a villain, it makes you out to be some kind of set upon husband who cannot make mutual decisions within his own marriage - so I wouldnt be putting up with it if I were you. Of course, its entirely possible that you use her as an excuse to place blame in situations like this so that your family do not think badly of you - and if thats the case then you need to look at how you talk about your wife to your family.

ElleEm

I would be a bit wierd about people in my home too.

BUT, you have time to get it tidy (ie, hide any personal stuff!), you won't be there to feel like it is being used as a hotel, they'll be in a spare room, etc.

Any reasons your wife has to not feel comfortable with them being there can be rectified/ prepared for.

I would say this to her!!

MissFlitworth

Does your wife not see the irony in not wanting your parents to use your place as a hotel for a week while you are up staying with her parents for a week and technically using their place as a hotel? Unless your parents are the type to abuse your home, and it doesn't sound like they are, then I couldn't see why you guys wouldn't let them stay there.

hoodwinked

ElleEm wrote: »

I would be a bit wierd about people in my home too.

BUT, you have time to get it tidy (ie, hide any personal stuff!), you won't be there to feel like it is being used as a hotel, they'll be in a spare room, etc.

Any reasons your wife has to not feel comfortable with them being there can be rectified/ prepared for.

I would say this to her!!

to be fair i too would feel weird having my parents stay in my home when im not there, nevermind inlaws i only know for a few years...


id probably say yes they could, but i would be piling personal stuff from around the house into our bedroom and locking it!