Nervous on my own.

Shelli2

Ive never lived alone before and am now living alone with my young son since his dad left at the end of July.

I live in an OK area, but i'm starting to get more and more nervous in the house at night. It's starting to affect my sleep greatly.

Will it get easier? Because it just seems to be getting worse, maybe it's to do with the winter nights and the noise with the weather.

Any advice on how to get over this?

LegacyUser

i hate sleeping on my own too, i live with my husband but anytime he needs to go away or een he is out for a late night i cant sleep. i wake at any noise, sleep for periods of half hour only to wake and try to sleep again and basically wake up exhausted.
these episodes of me on my own are only rare though however.

do you think you are anxious for another reason? eg maybe because your partner is gone?

my advice would be to either get a dog or a house alarm! you would feel safer with either, since we got a dog i dont mind as much (even though she wouldnt hurt a fly!)

Sleepy

Try to realise that despite the constant bombardment of misery by the media, you live in a safer time than the world has ever known and in a country that's remarkably safe by international standards. For every one person that's the victim of a violent crime, hundreds of thousands of us go about our daily business with no hassle and most violent crimes in Ireland seem to happen to those who've done something to bring it on themselves (e.g. IRA involvement, Drug Dealing, etc.).

If you have the time and disposition, I'd second the dog suggestion. The type of dog that will always run to the door is perfect for putting your mind at rest in a house on your own (well it is for me!).

If anyone's trying to get into the house, the dog will react. If you wake up in the night, convinced you can hear a noise inside, but the dog's not reacting, you know you're being paranoid and can go back to sleep.

Shelli2

I have a 5mth old German Shepard, and while I know/hope he will bring me comfort eventually, right now he's only a pup and makes more noise at night than anything! LOL

I have an alarm, which I now can't use at night because the dog keeps setting it off.

I guess I'll just have to struggle through the winter and hope that as the dog grows and the evenings are brighter and quieter that this will pass. I just feel so vunerable right now.

username123

You poor thing, the first time I lived alone I used to feel exactly the same - I didnt have a son or a puppy though!!

It does pass, its more about getting used to it than anything. I also felt worse the first winter with the longer nights. The place I lived in was a house extension granny flat rental and there was gravel all round right up to the walls, so it used to make me feel better knowing that Id hear anyone outside long before theyd get to the door. Maybe a sensor light might help you that way? You can get them adjusted so that cats etc dont set them off.

Would you feel any better if you got the alarm settings changed so the dog wasnt setting it off?

What about general home security, are you happy with all your doors and windows?

Shelli2

I'm going to get some extra locks put on the doors, and have bought a sensor light too, just need someone to install them!

I used to be so independent, walked home from town at night and wandered around places I probably shouldn't have.

I guess this is all a kick back from the break up too. Eugh.:(

Sleepy

Have you neighbours around you? A friend's husband who's number you could put in your phone as an emergency number for peace of mind? The main thing here though isn't to go to the nth degree in making your home secure, thinking along those lines will just make you more fearful as you're focusing on the "dangers". Obviously, do what you can to make your house safer: get the alarm reconfigured so the dog doesn't set it off, have a good lock on the door, have a key for your bedroom door so you have somewhere to retreat in the unlikely event that there ever was a break-in, keep a spare mobile in the room so you can call the cops from there etc. I bet you'd surprise yourself if it happened by how calm you'd stay though. It's times like that when our parenting instincts kick in and we do the rational things in order to protect our children.

It's so, so unlikely that you'll ever experience those dangers. Most break-ins are car-thieves looking for keys for powerful cars that are on display in the driveway (if that's you, leave the keys on the hall table so they won't need to venture any further than that) or opportunistic robberies where someone notices an open door/window and something they can grab quickly and run. The nightmare scenarios are of tiger kidnappers and the like and unless you're management in a bank or other environment with access to large volumes of cash that's never going to happen. And in any of these scenarios, having a man in the house with you isn't going to make a difference: the vast, vast majority of us will simply hand over the car keys and call the police when the burglar leaves. TBH, it takes a fool to risk things and be a "have a go hero".

Try to focus on other things about living alone: how great it is not to have to argue about the toilet seat or what's for dinner tonight, how lovely and peaceful the house is once your little fella is in bed, how you can laze on the couch in your dressing gown in the evening if you damn well feel like it etc. You really are worrying over nothing.

username123

Yeah Im sure it is kick back from the break up as well as normal 'on my own' nerves.

As Sleepy points out, statistically the chances of anything bad happening are really really low!

It is important to focus on the positives. I am home alone this week and I am loving the solitude. I like to eat all the things my hubby doesnt like that I usually dont bother cooking, mushrooms and mustard here I come!

I also like my own company. I like to just faff about in the house alone, dipping into books or tv as I please. And I like that I can leave stuff in the sink and no one else will be bothered by it. I dont get lonely at all.

Make sure you get regular exercise so that you are tired when you go to bed - helps a lot in terms of just wanting to go to sleep and not staying awake worrying.