'In love' with straight friend

LegacyUser

Hey all. This is very strange and very difficult for me to try and explain.
Though I am not out, I am either bisexual, or bicurious. I don't know. Even thats all confusing me. Basically my best friend knows that I like both men and women, hes the only person who knows. I was away with him this weekend, I realised I have very intense feelings for him. Completely stupid feelings, like being jealous of his friendships with other people, or his relationships with girls.

The thing confusing me though, is that I'm not sexually attracted to him. Ive never liked a lad in that way before, its pretty much the same way I 'like' girls but without the sexual side. We shared a bed over the past few days, and I felt no desires, but at the same time enjoyed just being near him.

This post may sound ridiculous, I dont know. My feelings are so strong theyre becoming consuming. should I stop talking to him? I dont know if that will reduce the feelings or make them worse, if it made things better, Id still be without a very valuable friend.

Apologies for the rant.

AwaitYourReply

Hey mate, It's not ridiculous at all. You have described it in your own words as "in love" with straight friend. The question is maybe he has similar insecurities about the whole situation that you have outlined but perhaps he is not ready to say anything on the subject himself until he has worked it all out in his own head first. What you have described actually sounds exactly the same way I felt about a Straight mate that I used to have a crush on some years ago before even I had accepted that I was not into women in the physical sexual sense although I would regard myself as "Straight-Acting". My friend has since settled down in marriage and has 2 kids and is now heavy and no longer appeals to me in the physical sense but I used to get very jealous when he would meet up with girls when we would be away camping, hostelling, out on the town clubbing or driving around the country. I later realised I was not Straight in that I preferred masculine guys not women if you get my drift.

What really confuses so many folk are the unhelpful stereotypical portrayals of GAY Life & Culture such as:
Camp, Flamboyant, Queer, Loud, Bitchy, Brash, Drag, Rainbow, OUT 'N PROUD Parades, Marching for Equality
But none of these labels or activities would be something that I personally feel comfortable associating myself with although I respect each to their own ways so long as it is Between Consenting Adults in private and does not involve minors.

After a few years, my so called Straight mates used notice my eye wandering if I was in a regular Bar and an attractive dude who I may or may not even know walked into the premises! They would ask "Are You GAY?" and I would always deny it and change the subject cos I hated the way they were so insensitive in asking me in front of each other as if to embarass me.

If U are Bi or Gay, it's ok even if you choose not to come out in public

For me, what makes one hard n horny in the physical sense (even if U would rather it didn't) is the answer to the question

I hope my own crazy rant makes sense to you and does not come across the wrong way.