My parents are having a problem...

what the hell!

Hey guys, so I came out to the parents, at 28, on Friday. Cue lots of tears etc. At the time they didn't seem to be too bad. But I arrive back home today and things don't seem to be too good. They're having problems which is understandable. My mother even asked me can I try having a relationship with a girl. I know it's difficult and I shouldn't be angry. Does anybody know of anybody they could talk to about it especially down here in Cork?

Annasopra

what the hell! wrote: »

Hey guys, so I came out to the parents, at 28, on Friday. Cue lots of tears etc. At the time they didn't seem to be too bad. But I arrive back home today and things don't seem to be too good. They're having problems which is understandable. My mother even asked me can I try having a relationship with a girl. I know it's difficult and I shouldn't be angry. Does anybody know of anybody they could talk to about it especially down here in Cork?

Contact details for Loving Our Out Kids Cork Group on this

http://www.lovingouroutkids.org/assets/files/LOOK.pdf

i_steal_sheep

Well done buddy. There is no easy way to say a hard thing, which you've just found out - so fair play to you for having the courage. Yeah sure, they'll just need a bit of time to get their heads around it. Roller coaster for them, I've no doubt. Have faith in them - a bit of time will do the job...

Well done again!

what the hell!

Thanks bud in some ways I feel as if I should have just kept going the way we were going and pretend all was good but feck it it's better this way.

oisindoyle

what the hell! wrote: »

Thanks bud in some ways I feel as if I should have just kept going the way we were going and pretend all was good but feck it it's better this way.

Well firstly congrats on coming out ,well done to you .
If you continued as you were ,you would have being living a lie and not being true to yourself or those around you .You have to be true to yourself .
It is understandable that your parents are upset ,out simpky they are in shock.Their world has if you like been turned upside down a little .They "assumed" you were straight and would bring home a nice girl ,get married ,have kids,they would have grandkids ect ect and now this revelation (you telling them who you really are) has thrown a spanner in the works.So it is understand that there are tears ,their expectations have taken a knock.
They are I presume worrying about you "will you be on your own " will you get a disease" ect , they probaly know nothing about being gay or even know a gay person.
so give them a little slack ,,,Sit them down again and ask them if they want to ask you anything and be honest with them ,Tell them you are still the same son ,only difference now is that you are being honest to yourself and them .
I would suggest you phone the dublingayswitchboard,018721055 and talk to them ..I know they can give you details of a parents of gay children group.It is a support group and your parents could fone one of parents and just simply talk ,,,its worth a try
i wish you well and congrats again

floggg

Try not to get too upset or angry with them. You've had a long time to come to tend with this, where as it must be a big shock for them.

The generational gap as well can't help - these things wouldn't be something they would have much experience of.

Have you any siblings? Do they know and could they talk to them.

I guess you just need to show them that nothing has changed and that you are the same person still.

oisindoyle

Actually heres a link from the gayswitchboard website about the parents group

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/parentssupport.html

I realised when I moved in with the girls that there are few words you can say to put the minds of parents at rest. When we announced it the parents - especially the fathers - of the girls instantly saw me as a predator male that was just getting his jollies by moving in with two girls and using them for three way sex which - lets face it - is often seen as the ultimate goal sexually of many males.

We used as many words as we could and it settled the storm but we knew it did not put their mind at rest.

The only thing we found that worked in the long term - and it has been 7 years now - was simply to live your life and try to be happy. Slowly but surely they came to see that this was not just a phase - or an evil man living out a fantasy - or anyone using each other. They came to see we were happy - we were committed - we were there for each other and our love was pure and true.

Now we have their first grandkid and they could not be happier for us - for the kid - or for themselves.

The thing to remember is that under neath it all parents usually want one thing and one thing only. For you to be happy. There are sad exceptions of this who see their children as an extension of themselves or see their children as letting THEM down in the eyes of society and blah blah blah. But for the most part I think the majority of parents just want their children to be happy. Things like homosexuality which can be alien to many parents will leave them scared. The unknown is scary and the fact that the homosexual life is not often one filled with happiness - but with risks, judgements and depression - will throw their mind into a turmoil of uncertainty and fear.

So it is a good idea as you said to find people they can talk to but in the meantime one of the best things you can do for them is to show them that you ARE happy and rather than use just words to put their mind at rest also try to show them you are happy in everything you are and do.

what the hell!

Thanks guys feeling a bit better about things this morning. It just will take a bit of time though and it's tough for them which is making it tough for me!