sleeping with a mates ex?

Trex_Annon

I was 17, just finished my leaving. Had been severely depressed for some time. Had moved away from my mother at 14 living with Grandmother. Tried to kill myself chronic self harmer. Moved in with male relative, controling checked under my tongue every morning to see I had taken my meds. Eventually I left, He threatened to break my f***ing jaw. Moved in with mates current bf, because I had nowhere else to go, everything was fine. She fell for someone else and they broke up, everybody was messed up for different reasons. I was afraid to sleep alone cos of anxiety attacks, he wanted comfort so we often slept beside eachother as friends in my bed. He felt me up without my permission on a few occasions, i told him no. He told me he loved me had always loved me since we first met when I was 13. I was in a deep depression, asked her if she was ok with it. She said yes because she was in love with the new fella. So we tried sleeping together we never actually succeeded with the act, I was a virgin and it just didnt work out. I made many mistakes at this time in my life. I have talked to my mate alot about it since and she never expressed ill will. Now suddenly out of the blue she is saying she did have a problem with it at the time. She thinks its strange territory, not the done thing and she just wanted me to know that. So am I a terrible person for being taken advantage of when I was young and suicidal and depressed and alone? Am I the most backstabbing, against the sisterhood bi**h that there is? I personally dont feel I am. I apologised alot, she said it was ok at the time, and more important and damaging things than getting with that idiot happened. I feel hurt she is bringin up the past. It seems like she wants to bring more shame on me, and make me feel sorry and beneath her. But maybe I am wrong> I dont know lads any opinion at all is appreciated.

xDramaxQueenx

If you don't feel like you've done anything wrong then that's how you feel. People can only make you feel like crap if you let them.

Trex_Annon

I just do not see how she can make me feel bad about something she told me was ok at the time, I am not a mind reader. And why she wants to bring up something that happened years ago? I dont know what to do,

xDramaxQueenx

Trex_Annon wrote: »

I just do not see how she can make me feel bad about something she told me was ok at the time, I am not a mind reader. And why she wants to bring up something that happened years ago? I dont know what to do,

Ignore her? She can make you feel bad because you are allowing her make you feel bad. You can't change anything now, best to draw a line under it and move along with your life.

Trex_Annon

Trex_Annon wrote: »

I was 17, just finished my leaving. Had been severely depressed for some time. Had moved away from my mother at 14 living with Grandmother. Tried to kill myself chronic self harmer. Moved in with male relative, controling checked under my tongue every morning to see I had taken my meds. Eventually I left, He threatened to break my f***ing jaw. Moved in with mates current bf, because I had nowhere else to go, everything was fine. She fell for someone else and they broke up, everybody was messed up for different reasons. I was afraid to sleep alone cos of anxiety attacks, he wanted comfort so we often slept beside eachother as friends in my bed. He felt me up without my permission on a few occasions, i told him no. He told me he loved me had always loved me since we first met when I was 13. I was in a deep depression, asked her if she was ok with it. She said yes because she was in love with the new fella. So we tried sleeping together we never actually succeeded with the act, I was a virgin and it just didnt work out. I made many mistakes at this time in my life. I have talked to my mate alot about it since and she never expressed ill will. Now suddenly out of the blue she is saying she did have a problem with it at the time. She thinks its strange territory, not the done thing and she just wanted me to know that. So am I a terrible person for being taken advantage of when I was young and suicidal and depressed and alone? Am I the most backstabbing, against the sisterhood bi**h that there is? I personally dont feel I am. I apologised alot, she said it was ok at the time, and more important and damaging things than getting with that idiot happened. I feel hurt she is bringin up the past. It seems like she wants to bring more shame on me, and make me feel sorry and beneath her. But maybe I am wrong> I dont know lads any opinion at all is appreciated.

My opinion, f*ck her! Obviously you werent into the guy himself but rather his companionship and attention toward you. you have issues to sort out before your ready for a real relationship and your still young.

As for her, she doesnt want him but no one else can have him. She cut him free to meet other people and originally was ok with you hooking up. You even asked her what she thought first. Dont give her another thought. Perhaps the grass isnt greener with this new fella and her fall back plan isnt there for her, and that's why she is in a mood.

fluffybiscuits

Deleted User wrote: »

My opinion, f*ck her! Obviously you werent into the guy himself but rather his companionship and attention toward you. you have issues to sort out before your ready for a real relationship and your still young.

As for her, she doesnt want him but no one else can have him. She cut him free to meet other people and originally was ok with you hooking up. You even asked her what she thought first. Dont give her another thought. Perhaps the grass isnt greener with this new fella and her fall back plan isnt there for her, and that's why she is in a mood.

Never really be in this forum but hey cant fault the advice there. Let her go take a very long walk of a very short fu**ing pier and get stuffed. Happiness starts with yourself so get bear that in mind and dont let external influences influence you. If we let others control how we think, act and be then find that our happiness is linked to other people. You owe your (ex?) friend no loyalty at all and if her ex was free then he is fair game. No one asks to not fall for a person it just happens and people taking slight at this seem to not be able to understand this.

Trex_Annon

Thanks guys,
I didnt know if I should say sorry and all that jazz to her. But I mean ye all can see my side and she is too consumed with her own. This all happened 2 years ago and shes trying to make me feel bad now?? I just dont understand it annd unfortunately it seems ive lost a friend over it. She let me down big time and i think its time i just stopped putting so much effort into her if she would so easily try and make me feel worthless like that.
Women are tough hah sometimes I do feel sorry for the men