Lost, urgent

fkt

I've never felt as down as this. I'm 18, at uni, gay, living away from home, have a family who I hate, have interests incompatible with the kind of people I like.

I have one friend, I love him, but he couldn't give the slightest **** about me. So he's not a friend, I guess. He's slowly cutting off ties with me. It's absolutely heart-wrenching. I never thought I could feel so utterly helpless. I suffer with depression and I'm on meds. I'm friendly with everyone, I'm intelligent, I'm not bad looking... I try so hard to get on. I'm panicking big time at the moment. I don't want to die but I don't know what else I can do.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. If anyone has anything to say, please. I can barely move here.

margaret_c

You’re in a really difficult place at the moment and as you say yourself you are panicking. The first thing you need to know and tell yourself is that what you’re feeling right now will pass. It’s easy for our minds to trick us into thinking things will always feel this bad and that’s terrifying but you need to believe that it will get better.

It’s obvious from your post that you really, really need to talk to someone. It seems like you’re feeling alone for a number of reasons including not getting along with your family, finding it hard to make friends, feeling like you can’t rely on anyone. When you’re alone and isolated it makes everything worse and can feel like you’ve nowhere to turn.

Please don’t think I’m judging or preaching at you. I’ve been in a similar place to you so am talking from my own experience.


Here’s what I suggest:

1. Right now and through tomorrow you need to talk to someone on the phone or in person. The internet while useful, just doesn’t have the same emotional effect. Sometimes when we’re this fragile it can be easier to talk to a stranger than someone who knows us. The Samaritans are available 24-hours a day on this number 1850 60 90 90. Ring them every hour through the night if that’s what you need.
2. You say you’re in a University. They will have free counselling services available. Most will have a slot available for people who need to be seen immediately. Make contact with them Monday morning. Yes, it will be hard to do but you need to have someone to talk to right now, even if it’s just to be able to tell someone how bad you are feeling.
3. If you’re on medication, consider going back to your GP and talking through how you’re feeling.

I’ve never posted on boards before but I’ve registered at this hour of the night just so I could reply to you, a complete stranger because it’s obvious to me that you are a smart young man who deserves to be happy. You can’t measure yourself by how many friends you have. You’ve gone through enormous upheaval lately starting college and moving away from home. That could be a challenge for the happiest of people. Not getting on with your family makes it all harder. And even today Ireland is not an easy place to be gay in. You’re allowed to find it all hard. More people do than let on but many of us find it hard to say so.

You do need to work at making friends, but the best of us struggle with that. It may mean finding new interests and trying new things. When you’re feeling a bit better check out the clubs and societies in college. There must be one that would vaguely interest you. It might mean striking up a conversation with someone sitting beside you in a lecture or tutorial. Might seem daunting but with baby steps you can get there.

You can do this. You are worth it.

Taltos

Hi OP

unfortunately as you are indicating death being better than anything else we have no choice but to close this thread.
Please today - go speak to a GP or call to an Emergency room.

From our charter we also host a number of useful links - please have a look through these and if you have to wait to see either your GP/ER please call one of the contact numbers listed.

Taltos

Depression / Mental Health
http://www.irish-counselling.ie/
http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/
http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/
http://www.grow.ie/
http://www.aware.ie/
http://www.shineonline.ie/
http://www.recover.ie/ (Schizophrenia Ireland)
http://www.childline.ie/
http://www.teenline.ie/
http://www.pieta.ie/

Suicide
http://www.nosp.ie/ (national suicide prevention)
1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100
http://www.pieta.ie/